Syvelocin
October 14th, 2011, 02:33 AM
Of course I can't attribute just horror films to making me how I am now, but my psychologist blames a lot of it on my mum's obsession with horror films, and I just blame it on my bad decisions to watch them. She goes on about how sensitive people can be affected by them more then others, all that jazz. By the time I was five, I had seen most all the typical ones, but nothing ever affected me. I had the occasional nightmare surrounding them, but as I got older they dissipated. The first one to come around that hit me really hard, I'm embarrassed to say, was The Grudge. Actually, the only one that I have ever had significant issues with.
It isn't watching it... no. It's been a very long time since I've watched them, and at most a couple times each, the American ones and the original Ju-On series. But watching them, just as easy as watching any of the others I've seen, maybe a bit harder. But seven years (it's a guess, I'd look up the release date but I'm afraid that would set me off even seeing the cover)--sorry for the over-dramatisation--of mental anguish over a single series of horror films I couldn't have seen more than three times in my life. Films filled with cheap scares and parts I could laugh at. My psychologist is coaching me a tiny bit to get over it, but it just won't leave. The thing I'm most scared about when going to sleep and having a nightmare, is if that'll be in it. I don't know why the image of that girl freaks me out that much, or when even the most insignificant, barely reminiscent croak out someone's mouth will render me hysterical. And at night when I'm up and about, it's that face I see. I turn to make sure that what is in my head isn't there in reality. Of course, I know better. Nothing will ever happen. But I still have so many issues with this.
I do the exercises my psychologist wants me to, but it just doesn't change anything. It only makes me feel better. What I need is some way to erase the images. Of course, that exactly isn't possible. But some way to get it out of my head permanently, because I can do these exercises all I want but they can't do a damn thing when I'm asleep.
It isn't watching it... no. It's been a very long time since I've watched them, and at most a couple times each, the American ones and the original Ju-On series. But watching them, just as easy as watching any of the others I've seen, maybe a bit harder. But seven years (it's a guess, I'd look up the release date but I'm afraid that would set me off even seeing the cover)--sorry for the over-dramatisation--of mental anguish over a single series of horror films I couldn't have seen more than three times in my life. Films filled with cheap scares and parts I could laugh at. My psychologist is coaching me a tiny bit to get over it, but it just won't leave. The thing I'm most scared about when going to sleep and having a nightmare, is if that'll be in it. I don't know why the image of that girl freaks me out that much, or when even the most insignificant, barely reminiscent croak out someone's mouth will render me hysterical. And at night when I'm up and about, it's that face I see. I turn to make sure that what is in my head isn't there in reality. Of course, I know better. Nothing will ever happen. But I still have so many issues with this.
I do the exercises my psychologist wants me to, but it just doesn't change anything. It only makes me feel better. What I need is some way to erase the images. Of course, that exactly isn't possible. But some way to get it out of my head permanently, because I can do these exercises all I want but they can't do a damn thing when I'm asleep.