Suicide

[mrbluehall12]

I have had a hard time as a child, being a full time carer for my nan and granddad. My dad killed himself because of my mum and I was only 2 and half years old when it happened. When my nan died last year, I performed CPR to try and get her back for me and my granddad, but I failed. I am only 17 years old, I promised my granddad that if he died, I would kill myself, unfortunately he died in march, I got kicked out because family are money grabbing B******s and I now live on my own with my dog. I have noone to talk to and I have cut my arms so deep that I caught a vein and was rushed into hospital, I want to die because I never break a promise, I resisted the thought up to now and it is getting stronger every second, I got ropes ready set up, but then I backed out. I need help urgently, don't know what to do anymore. I don't do drugs, or drink, but however I do smoke. I am fed up of this feeling now, i want a decision. PLEASE IF YOU CAN THEN PLEASE HELP ME ! before I do something that will change my life forever.

[Fiction]

Would your grandad really want you to do that? Would he really want you to kill yourself just because he died? I'm guessing he was pretty old, he had a long life but if you cut yours short now you'll never get that.

Are you getting professional help? I suggest going to see your doctor about getting some form of counselling. It really does sound like you need help. This'll give you someone to talk to about your problems.

There's all of us here as well. You can always PM me if you need to talk about anything.

Killing yourself is not worth it. At 17 you have every chance of things getting better. You have your whole life ahead of you.

[mrbluehall12]

no he wouldn't, but the problem I have, is I held all my feelings in for years and years so I could help others, but its me now who needs help and I have never been so low in my life. I hates this so much. I got a problem with talking to people face to face, I have sliced myself before and got rushed to A&E where I needed stitches and a bandage, I told them I was cutting meat and knife slipped, I got major thoughts in my head, I live on my own with my dog, I am going mad, I never cry but lately I have been crying gallons of tears, but nothing is helping.

[Fiction]

I know how hard it is to talk about things, especially when you've kept them in for so long, but you really do need to tell someone about this.

Perhaps if you could write all of this down? And hand it to your doctor? That way you wouldn't have to talk about it.

[mrbluehall12]

Yeah I know I need to do this, but I don't feel comfortable with myself, I am couped up in bed, I go to college and come home, take dog out, then back in bed, I got no motovation anymore, I am in a dark void or black hole, cannot see the light. I often wanna get stanley knife and slice myself slowly and then slice my throat to end it. I am resisting it at moment, but i am making a doctors appointment tomorrow about it, I am going to try really hard to explain. I am soo down, I need some major help or I will end up doing it. Soon its going to take over me, I started becoming paranoid, look fiction, this is my last hope now!

[mrbluehall12]

fiction please or anyone help me out, I am scared ): please I just cut myself again, I need to stick it out until tomorrow, I am making an appointment to see a doctor tomorrow, I need help

[StoppingTime]

Stay on here, interact with people, do anything you can that doesn't make you think about it. Try shredding paper, doing things you like until then. If you need anything, don't hesitate to keep posting. we're here to help you.

[mrbluehall12]

i am trying too, doesn't help that blackberry is down, I am usually chatting away. I got noone, only online friends but I don't want to tell anyone, I want to keep this down low. Its gunna kill me before long, I hope doctors can help me. here and there is my last hope right now.

[StoppingTime]

i am trying too, doesn't help that blackberry is down, I am usually chatting away. I got noone, only online friends but I don't want to tell anyone, I want to keep this down low. Its gunna kill me before long, I hope doctors can help me. here and there is my last hope right now.

Stay on here then. Try answering other questions and things like that. Go for a run, anything you can do which isn't tempting.

[mrbluehall12]

I am trying to turn away from it right now, but this feeling is too strong at moment, I don't know what to do, take a read on other posts, pick the story up, I can't do nothing at moment, I am too scared. to be honest I can see the doctors putting me under observation for a while.

[mrbluehall12]

I just chucked the stanley knife out, I am staying in my bedroom where I know I am safe for now, Its killing me already, so much blood on sheets, I am scared.

[mrbluehall12]

I cannot cope anymore, nothing is here for me. I need someone to be my angel, but the only ones I had was my nan and granddad. But they are both gone. I could end it all, but I am trying not to, I want to go if this feeling won't go away.

[Clawhammer]

It will change, man, you just have to keep fighting it. I know you probably don't believe me, but things really can turn around. You just have to keep a stiff lip, one day at a time. You're not alone, lad, there's people who can help you. You're still young with a lot ahead of you, the stories don't always start out nicely, but the ending is still for you to decide. Just keep your dukes up, you'll get there. Every space between a heartbeat you're that much closer to getting out. Ending it now isn't worth it. Don't give up the chances up better times and let it all end now. You can, if you will.

[mrbluehall12]

I am trying to fight it, its getting the better at moment, I just hope to god that I can get the help I need, and if it works, I hate the way I am i really do. I can not break a promise so, I promise I will not kill myself until I see a doctor first, but after that, I don't know what happens next, as for cutting myself, well I chucked the stanley knife out for now.

[mrbluehall12]

I have never felt so lost, low and depressed in my life. Anyone says its easy, well its not. I am struggling now, but I am gunna try n get some sleep for now should pass a hour or 2 away, but I want to thank everyone who has tooken the time to talk, but I am still the same as before, but bit easier head.

[Jupiter]

Do you have a friend who you can talk to?

[mrbluehall12]

I don't have no friends.

[mrbluehall12]

I have been to the doctors, they gave me a number to ring, put me on a 6month course of flouxitine, but I am still feeeling the same, hopefully in a few days I should start to feel better, but I am only hoping at moment.

[Clawhammer]

Well, that's progress. Just keep at it, man. It's never easy, but it can be done. Just take it a minute at a time.

[mrbluehall12]

well I feel better with myself for taking this step, but I don't feel any different, infact I feel worst on these meds, I feel dizzy at times and very tired. I dont want to go outside for a while, I just want to be by myself. I am risisting thoughts and waiting for tablets to kick in, I really hope this works