Does it even matter?

[Megson]

I'm getting along with the idea I may be bi or a lesbian, or maybe even pansexual. I've been thinking about it a lot lately instead of disracting myself from the subject. I always thought I was straight, due to the fact that I've never dated before, but now I don't know.

I've caught myself looking at other girls. I try to imagine if I'd enjoy kissing them, or even just hugging them. Sometimes I worry that they might have some sort of idea why I'm looking. It's not like I'm obvious, but there has already been rumors around school that I'm a lesbian.

I've been thinking about my future with some hope. I'm fantasizing about a happy life with another woman. No kids, just us. We'll meet at a bar or perhaps a friend will introduce me to her. We'll travel together. She'll be my other half.

Sadly, I feel like that is all this will be--a fantasy. I've never even been asked out by a guy, so how can I even hope to find a girlfriend? Does my sexuality matter at all? Sometimes I feel like I'm destined to die alone.

(Sorry for the pointless ramble. I like to get my thoughts out...)

[Mike8492]

I think what you are going through is normal. From my experience first hand, the fact that you never dated, plus age and finally mindset and hormones make you want to look at any and everything that you find attractive. Its kinda like the hormones your body is producing combined with the desire to be in a relationship, to no longer be alone and to have sex are combining together and sending your subconscious into overdrive to find a mate that fits your liking.

I have the exact same problem, ever since I was in high school. I never been asked out or got the hint that maybe someone liked me, self conscious and now I'm looking at girls nonstop. I still worry about never getting married and dieing alone, especially now that a couple of my friends just got engaged and others talking about doing the same or they are having the "when we get married" conversations.

You have to figure out what you are attracted to for yourself and keep looking for that someone. To me, I think its your hormones talking for the most part.