Powerless

[Fiction]

I feel totally powerless to everything. I can't cope with this.. world I guess. That sounds really dramatic. Everyone is this world seems unhappy. Every person I meet in my life, they all have their own problems and they all need help. I want to help. More than anything I want to help people. I feel so powerless though. I want to make my life as worthwhile as possible for other people. By that I mean I want to do everything I physically can to help anyone I can, but I just feel like nothing I can do will ever really make a difference.

The way I planned my life is basically working as a clinical psychologist or a nurse, hopefully helping people. Having kids that I will actually give my life too, making them happy in whatever way I can. Being here for anyone that ever needs me. Giving blood if i ever become heavy enough too, and when I die they can have whatever organs they want. I just don't give a fuck about myself anymore.

I'm never going to make a difference here though. What's the point? It tears me up seeing people the way I have. I don't know what i'm meant to do anymore.

I'm too selfish to ever leave this world though. The thought of never seeing Aaron again fucking tears me up too.

[StoppingTime]

Your not. I'm just going to give you one quick example of how you do make a difference in the world. Just being here, on VT. So many of the teens here look for help, and thats exactly what you've been giving them. You are always there for them. And you will be like that forever. Always there when you are needed, helping everyone.
And, don't respond to this if you don't feel comfortable, but whats with Aaron?

[Fiction]

Your not. I'm just going to give you one quick example of how you do make a difference in the world. Just being here, on VT. So many of the teens here look for help, and thats exactly what you've been giving them. You are always there for them. And you will be like that forever. Always there when you are needed, helping everyone.
And, don't respond to this if you don't feel comfortable, but whats with Aaron?

Thank you, just I never am going to make a proper difference.

Aaron is my boyfriend.

[StoppingTime]

Aaron is my boyfriend.

I know that, but why would you never see him?

[Fiction]

I know that, but why would you never see him?

I was talking about why I wouldn't commit suicide.

[UnknownError]

You are making a difference, with every nice thing you say to someone it helps them/cheers them up, even just a little. Every time you help someone with the littlest situation, it makes them feel better. It's great you want to do all this stuff for people, but dont beat yourself up if you cant help everyone. Keep doing what you're doing now and you'll be helping people all the time. <3

[Fiction]

You are making a difference, with every nice thing you say to someone it helps them/cheers them up, even just a little. Every time you help someone with the littlest situation, it makes them feel better. It's great you want to do all this stuff for people, but dont beat yourself up if you cant help everyone. Keep doing what you're doing now and you'll be helping people all the time. <3

Thanks Connor. :)

I pretty much feel inferior to everyone. Like somehow they have more right to be on this earth than me. I don't know.

[Dimitri]

Karthy, everyone has as much right to be on this earth as the next person, you have made such a difference here. I have looked through some of your post and I only wish I could be half as effective in the responses that I give people. Sure, you may have your downs but you always have your ups.

I am sure, if I asked Aaron about how muc he cares about your that he loves you soo much. He is a careing man and you are equally. I bet if I made a pole here and asking who is effective and I put your name I would think you are just as important as anyone else.

What do I have to do to show you that you're important?

[Fiction]

Karthy, everyone has as much right to be on this earth as the next person, you have made such a difference here. I have looked through some of your post and I only wish I could be half as effective in the responses that I give people. Sure, you may have your downs but you always have your ups.

I am sure, if I asked Aaron about how muc he cares about your that he loves you soo much. He is a careing man and you are equally. I bet if I made a pole here and asking who is effective and I put your name I would think you are just as important as anyone else.

What do I have to do to show you that you're important?

Thank you Robert.

I know Aaron loves me, and that's what keeps me going and keeps me alive. It just feels like other people should be here for themselves but for some reason i'm just here for other people. That's no ones fault or anything that's just why i'm here, and I should be able to help and have an impact. I just tend to upset people though. I try and fail, most people if they tried would succeed. The thing is no one can really help anyone else. I don't know. I don't even really know what i'm talking about anymore.

[StoppingTime]

Thank you Robert.

I know Aaron loves me, and that's what keeps me going and keeps me alive. It just feels like other people should be here for themselves but for some reason i'm just here for other people. That's no ones fault or anything that's just why i'm here, and I should be able to help and have an impact. I just tend to upset people though. I try and fail, most people if they tried would succeed. The thing is no one can really help anyone else. I don't know. I don't even really know what i'm talking about anymore.

Don't be that hard on yourself. Your help:hurt ratio (at least here, but probably anywhere) is about 100:0, so don't worry. You do help, you do make an impact.

[Dimitri]

Thank you Robert.

I know Aaron loves me, and that's what keeps me going and keeps me alive. It just feels like other people should be here for themselves but for some reason i'm just here for other people. That's no ones fault or anything that's just why i'm here, and I should be able to help and have an impact. I just tend to upset people though. I try and fail, most people if they tried would succeed. The thing is no one can really help anyone else. I don't know. I don't even really know what i'm talking about anymore.
To be honest I am only her to help others, you wouldn't have becpme a moderator if whoever appointed you didn't think that you could have an impact on the people here. I don't think you realize how much you do here....

[StoppingTime]

To be honest I am only her to help others, you wouldn't have becpme a moderator if whoever appointed you didn't think that you could have an impact on the people here. I don't think you realize how much you do here....

I totally agree. You help everyone here, you've got nothing to feel bad about.

[AppealToReason]

Fiction, if it helps in any way, you have helped me before.
I remember your post in the non SH thread where you admitted lying. That made an impact on me without you even knowing it. You really didn't have to admit it since none of us would have ever known you were lying, but you did it anyways. I've always viewed you as a tough person from your posts, but that made me believe you were tougher than I thought.
Point I'm trying to make is that you are helping people even if you don't realize it. I know I can't be the only one that's been affected by your posts. You just can't be so hard on yourself. I hate to say it, but you can't make everyone happy. That doesn't mean to stop trying though. Keep trying to help people and feel satisfied even if you only make them happy for a short period. That short period is still something, right? Hell, that short period could mean the world to someone.
You're not inferior to anyone. You just can't let these thoughts hurt you. You'll be ok, Fiction. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually you'll be ok.

[Fiction]

Don't be that hard on yourself. Your help:hurt ratio (at least here, but probably anywhere) is about 100:0, so don't worry. You do help, you do make an impact.

Thank you, it does mean a lot.

To be honest I am only her to help others, you wouldn't have becpme a moderator if whoever appointed you didn't think that you could have an impact on the people here. I don't think you realize how much you do here....

Maybe I help a bit but I think the point is i'm never going to do anything lasting :/

Fiction, if it helps in any way, you have helped me before.
I remember your post in the non SH thread where you admitted lying. That made an impact on me without you even knowing it. You really didn't have to admit it since none of us would have ever known you were lying, but you did it anyways. I've always viewed you as a tough person from your posts, but that made me believe you were tougher than I thought.
Point I'm trying to make is that you are helping people even if you don't realize it. I know I can't be the only one that's been affected by your posts. You just can't be so hard on yourself. I hate to say it, but you can't make everyone happy. That doesn't mean to stop trying though. Keep trying to help people and feel satisfied even if you only make them happy for a short period. That short period is still something, right? Hell, that short period could mean the world to someone.
You're not inferior to anyone. You just can't let these thoughts hurt you. You'll be ok, Fiction. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually you'll be ok.

That post really meant a lot, thank you so much. I've always had a thing about being honest >< Guess it means a lot that someone noticed :P I know i can't help everyone.. logically I know I can't, but I just feel like I should be able too. Idk, I don't feel I have very much worth as an individual person, but when I help others maybe I do have some worth, but I guess I just feel like however much I give it's not going to be enough to make my life worth it. I feel selfish to want to stay, like I should be dead, but I want to stay with Aaron... I'm not sure that makes any sense...

[Dimitri]

I think the simple fact that you are here, willing and continuing to try and make a difference says something to me. I think that since you are donating your time and going to school and trying to make a difference shows that you are making a lasting difference.

If you need anything please feel free to contact me, I am always on skype....

[AppealToReason]

That post really meant a lot, thank you so much. I've always had a thing about being honest >< Guess it means a lot that someone noticed :P I know i can't help everyone.. logically I know I can't, but I just feel like I should be able too. Idk, I don't feel I have very much worth as an individual person, but when I help others maybe I do have some worth, but I guess I just feel like however much I give it's not going to be enough to make my life worth it. I feel selfish to want to stay, like I should be dead, but I want to stay with Aaron... I'm not sure that makes any sense...

Well, I believe that your life will be worth it if you continue doing what your doing without thinking about it too much. The more you think about it, the more it seems to hurt you which probably holds you back a bit. Don't worry about it. Your life will always be worth it if you spent your time doing what you felt was right. If helping others and being with Aaron is what makes you happy, then your life will be worth it no matter what happens from here till the end.
Again, don't think about it too much. :P

[Sacraficialsteak]

Fiction, I know that I haven't been here long and my point isn't necessarily valid, but I know that everyone here loves you, they may not have met you but everybody loves you in their own way. You've probably saved countless lives and you don't even know it, that's all YOU, making a HUGE difference in many peoples' lives.
We love you <3
(Was that too dramatic?)

[Fiction]

Thank you all of you. Your attempts really are appreciated but I just can't seem to change this state of mind.

I honestly feel like everyone would be better off without me. Any help I give people is cancelled out, because I hurt everyone in the end. I do more harm than good, and I do that no matter how hard I try.

[ImCoolBeans]

To be honest I am only her to help others, you wouldn't have becpme a moderator if whoever appointed you didn't think that you could have an impact on the people here. I don't think you realize how much you do here....

This is true, you do a lot for people here and it doesn't go unnoticed :). We all notice your efforts and appreciate it more than you know!