Scared of recovery

[stories]

So my two brothers are really pushing recovery for me and I am scared.

I don't know how I can stop sometimes.

One of my brothers really wants me to see a counselor and that scares me so much. I do not know if I am ready to deal with my eating disorder, depression, anxiety, etc. Those last two are definite factors in my ED, as is a lot of (emotional) stress.

It just scares me.

Has anyone else gone through counseling or treatment for an ED (for me more specifically it'd be EDNOS with restricting-type anorexia tendencies)? Are you/were you scared? What's it's like?

I know I can't avoid getting help forever. My two brothers do not want this progress any further.

---

As a note, I am off at college, and only have my two brothers with me. The rest of my family is in a different state. All I have here is the health center on my campus as a first step, which even that scares me.
I don't know if I will get the push just to do it anytime soon. I don't know if I have the courage.
It's really just be me being scared and not being able to overcome that.

[Amaryllis]

Sweetheart, they care about you. Very few people have that support you have and you should embrace it. You should reach for help. It's really not so bad... I mean, some of them will be but some, no. I've seen a couple and... Well, you'll find one that will help you.

I'm seen a few psychologists, it's odd at first and you feel nervous. It's very hard to focus on what they're saying. I took it quite far though, I don't know if you're like me where I constantly thought about food. I mean, there was not one second of my day that wasn't guided by my eating disorder. Hell, I didn't sleep. Couldn't. My body was too messed up.

They'll ask you some questions and try to figure out why. You'll have to make a conscious effort to pay attention to what the psychologist is saying. She'll focus mainly on the cause. I never stayed until the end for any of them because they just didn't help, I pretty much got myself out of it. However, I'm not saying you shouldn't because they don't help because some will for some. Just not for me.

Skinny isn't worth the consequences. Control isn't worth the chaos. Eating disorders do nothing but make you wish you never started in the first place. Do you really want to live like this forever? Wanting to recover is what will push you on through all the hell you will have to go through to reach freedom.

I wrote a guide if you're interested. It's long but... I think it may help :)
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=110035
Good luck.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[stories]

So I am about ready to give up on myself. I texted one of my brothers, after canceling the texts numerous times. He and I are going to schedule a counseling appointment at our health center on Monday. I don't know when I'll get my appointment but I am taking the step to schedule one. I do not know how it will go and am scared. But my brother is coming with me for the meeting. If it happens to fit with my other brothers schedule then he may come to. I just feel weak today and am now actually doing something about it.

Two nights ago I stayed up until 5:30am writing this ten page writing on how I am feeling and how I have come to where I am. A large paragraph was what I needed from my brothers and how they can help make me comfortable with food. The only thing is that the end of that paragraph stated that "just eat" and "calories don't matter" only make things worse and don't help. My brother (the one who is helping me schedule the counseling appointment) told me "You know, fluctuating calories don't do anything. Just because you eat more one day does not mean it will do anything to you." He said something like that and I told him, well that doesn't work, and that is why I put what I put in the writing. He is going to tell our other brother what I wrote and I will give him a copy of it later.

But I've been feeling pretty bad lately and my brothers are not giving up on me, which is so comforting. So I am actually (hopefully) going to make the appointment. I don't think my brother will let me back out or get out of this one because I actually told him I would make the appointment now. So it's happening. I guess the recovery process will be starting soon.



Also, thank you Z. And I have read your recovery guide before. I chose "recovery" in the poll.

[Fiction]

It's completely natural to be scared of recovery, the thing with eating disorders is that they do serve a purpose to the sufferer. It's not as simple as just getting better, you have to make that decision to get better. Even then it's hard to keep your mind set on the recovery.

I have been in councelling for my eating disorder, for me they just tried to figure out the underlying causes, and weighed me etc.

I remember the first time I went to councelling, it wasn't ED related, but i was completely petrified. I remember after my first session thinking it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I wished i'd listened to all the people who had told me it wouldn't be, it'd have made it so much easier for me :P You've got your brothers for support, it'll be fine :)

[stories]

Thanks Kathy.

I know my brothers are here. They keep telling me how it will be okay and they are going to get me better. I cannot go back on what I told them and am scheduling my first counseling appointment tomorrow. It will kind of be a little bit about everything when I go in and they can help me tackle the issues I need to tackle first.
I'm still scared but I know I just need to get it done. I know there is nothing really stopping me but myself.

[ANNA MARIE.]

I went to therapy but I wasn't ready to take that step of living without it so I just stopped going,
it's gotten worse, but I'm managing

[stories]

Though it scares me and will scare me... I made my first appointment to see the counselor at my college's health center.

Surprisingly they had an opening this week. My brothers are going to come with. I'm scared but I'm doing it. This is a pretty big feat for me.

[Fiction]

Though it scares me and will scare me... I made my first appointment to see the counselor at my college's health center.

Surprisingly they had an opening this week. My brothers are going to come with. I'm scared but I'm doing it. This is a pretty big feat for me.

Then go through with it so that afterwards you can say you got help, and be proud of yourself for it :) It takes a lot to get help.

[stories]

I have my appointment tomorrow (well, today, as it is after midnight where I am) and I am still scared of it. I know it needs to happen. But I can feel my ED taking over right now. I just feel like whatever happens in there, I am still going to have this. I haven't achieved the results I wanted and it really bugs me. It is because my habits are so sporadic (binging and restricting cycles, though binging to me is eating my normal calorie amount for the day) and I can't just force myself to follow through with the plan I make for myself. I just feel so pessimistic about this when I know I shouldn't be. I just feel I'll be told I am being unhealthy and need to stop but my mind will say not to stop.

What sucks the most is that I hate lying to my brothers and I have most of my meals with them. I can't get out of it. And I kind of want to lie to them so I can keep this up. But I know that can't happen.

I wish there was a healthy, but still quick way, to do this and achieve what I want. I wish I could do this without it being an ED or a problem, but I don't think it will be.

I will try to go into the counseling appointment with an open mind though. I just feel bad as I am pessimistic about getting treatment or recovery for my ED, as I don't feel I want it (right now).

I just needed to put this in here before I get some sleep.

[stories]

So... I went to the appointment and it wasn't that bad. I scheduled another one in two weeks and have an appointment with our n-campus dietitian in the second week of November.