On the edge =[

[XxArcAngelxX]

So where do i start really. Well i cut and i am depressed. I am currently on zoloft ( an antidepressant ) this is my 3rd week on it i think and so far i feel nothing. well thats not exactly true i feel worse. tho that may just be me. i think about suicide more than two times a day. i cut myself 3 times a day. i dont eat hardly anothing i have maybe 1 full meal a day. which doesn't mean alot i only stay inside to play video games.

which brings me to my other problem i have social anxiety i dont ever want to leave my house i go out maybe 3 times a week ( two times a week for school) i hate people, and the way they look at me and stare. also even when im alone i get anxious.i am also very anxious at school during tests i freakout and forget everything cause im super nervous. i hate who i am i think very poorly of myself to say the least. i think im stupid and ugly and sometimes i wish i would die. i know i cant kill myself not cuase its bad but cause i know that i have a few friends that love me. i tell them everything and they try to help but it doesn't do much. at least they tried though. my mother doesnt understand it at all. i dont tell her i cut or think of suicide but she knows i am depressed, even though she says i shouldnt be and my life is fine... that makes it way worse. and with my anxiety in public i snap at people and i dont mean to i just get stressed. i feel like a huge failure. everyday i wish for death.

i used to do drugs but i dont now because my parents foundout (they are divorced and hate each other with a tremendous passion) they sent me to rehab but i only did the test to get in i never went. i told them i only did oxycodone once. relisticly. it was 40 maybe more. i said i did it cause my knee pain. which was true for the first time then i did it cause it made me feel like i didnt exist. like i watched the world from a safe distance.

i dont know why im posting here maybe just to get it out. and parcially to get some opinions and advise. i guess im looking for support. my life has just gone to sh*t. i haven't seen my psychologist in weeks for many differnt random events. so i don't have anyone to talk to about everything. well this is very long so ill end it here. thanks for reading. ill try to hang in there. ‹3

[AppealToReason]

So where do i start really. Well i cut and i am depressed. I am currently on zoloft ( an antidepressant ) this is my 3rd week on it i think and so far i feel nothing. well thats not exactly true i feel worse. tho that may just be me. i think about suicide more than two times a day. i cut myself 3 times a day. i dont eat hardly anothing i have maybe 1 full meal a day. which doesn't mean alot i only stay inside to play video games.

which brings me to my other problem i have social anxiety i dont ever want to leave my house i go out maybe 3 times a week ( two times a week for school) i hate people, and the way they look at me and stare. also even when im alone i get anxious.i am also very anxious at school during tests i freakout and forget everything cause im super nervous. i hate who i am i think very poorly of myself to say the least. i think im stupid and ugly and sometimes i wish i would die. i know i cant kill myself not cuase its bad but cause i know that i have a few friends that love me. i tell them everything and they try to help but it doesn't do much. at least they tried though. my mother doesnt understand it at all. i dont tell her i cut or think of suicide but she knows i am depressed, even though she says i shouldnt be and my life is fine... that makes it way worse. and with my anxiety in public i snap at people and i dont mean to i just get stressed. i feel like a huge failure. everyday i wish for death.

i used to do drugs but i dont now because my parents foundout (they are divorced and hate each other with a tremendous passion) they sent me to rehab but i only did the test to get in i never went. i told them i only did oxycodone once. relisticly. it was 40 maybe more. i said i did it cause my knee pain. which was true for the first time then i did it cause it made me feel like i didnt exist. like i watched the world from a safe distance.

i dont know why im posting here maybe just to get it out. and parcially to get some opinions and advise. i guess im looking for support. my life has just gone to sh*t. i haven't seen my psychologist in weeks for many differnt random events. so i don't have anyone to talk to about everything. well this is very long so ill end it here. thanks for reading. ill try to hang in there. ‹3

Looking for support? Well, you've come to the right place. VT is full of caring and understanding members. Don't feel alone here and don't feel bad for ranting or making long posts. As long as it helps you in any way, continue ranting if you need to.
Is there any way to talk to your psychologist? If you are feeling like this, it might be time to see them because some of these problems can be really serious.
I'm glad you are no longer doing drugs. I know how serious of a problem that can be. Even if you didn't completely do it on your own, congrats on stopping before things got worse. That's a difficult thing for many (including me) to do. From that alone, you're tough.
I understand how you feel about the anxiety and problems with people. It's a pain to deal with, but the best thing to do is just try and calm down. I know it's tough, but just breathe and relax, don't let your school grades suffer.

Sorry for the bad post, about to leave for school.

[XxArcAngelxX]

Looking for support? Well, you've come to the right place. VT is full of caring and understanding members. Don't feel alone here and don't feel bad for ranting or making long posts. As long as it helps you in any way, continue ranting if you need to.
Is there any way to talk to your psychologist? If you are feeling like this, it might be time to see them because some of these problems can be really serious.
I'm glad you are no longer doing drugs. I know how serious of a problem that can be. Even if you didn't completely do it on your own, congrats on stopping before things got worse. That's a difficult thing for many (including me) to do. From that alone, you're tough.
I understand how you feel about the anxiety and problems with people. It's a pain to deal with, but the best thing to do is just try and calm down. I know it's tough, but just breathe and relax, don't let your school grades suffer.

Sorry for the bad post, about to leave for school.

Well my psychologist had a death in the family or something like that. i dont know any way to reach him. thanks for replying also. i just dont know what to do anymore i feel like everyday i get more and more depressed and my need to cut seems to grow

[StoppingTime]

So where do i start really.
I can't speak from experience here, but I will give you the best advice I can.

Well i cut and i am depressed. I am currently on zoloft ( an antidepressant ) this is my 3rd week on it i think and so far i feel nothing.

Well, you have come to the right place. People are here to support you. The antidepressants take time to start fully working, so don't worry. Of course, I know it won't help completely, but maybe it will get you though the day better.


well thats not exactly true i feel worse. tho that may just be me.

Why do you feel worse? Have things changed drastically since you started the Zoloft?

i think about suicide more than two times a day. i cut myself 3 times a day. i dont eat hardly anothing i have maybe 1 full meal a day. which doesn't mean alot i only stay inside to play video games.

I know it is hard, but you've got to keep trying. I know you've heard the song and dance before, "don't do it, you have so much to live for etc...", but that doesn't seem to help. Do things you like, talk with people on the phone, and anyone who you could connect with.


which brings me to my other problem i have social anxiety i dont ever want to leave my house i go out maybe 3 times a week ( two times a week for school) i hate people, and the way they look at me and stare. also even when im alone i get anxious.i am also very anxious at school during tests i freakout and forget everything cause im super nervous.

Have you been diagnosed for this professionally? Has anyone ever tried to help you with this? Why do people stare at you? I'm sure they have no good reason to, other than they are just impolite and immature. Try to just ignore them, and if gets bad, and you feel comfortable talk with a school counselor, teacher, etc... Also, for the anxiety. Don't be nervous. You know the material, so just put it on paper. Nobody is going to judge you on how well you do, if they really understand you and your situation. If they don't, then ignore them, because they don't know what they are talking about.


i hate who i am i think very poorly of myself to say the least. i think im stupid and ugly and sometimes i wish i would die.

Don't think badly of yourself. You have no reason to. If you do this because you fear it is what others think, ignore them. Like I said, they have no idea what you have gone/are going through. If it is another reason, could you let me know?


i know i cant kill myself not cuase its bad but cause i know that i have a few friends that love me. i tell them everything and they try to help but it doesn't do much. at least they tried though.


What do you tell your friends? Things that you posted here, or more general. If they are truly good friends, then tell them every piece of your situation, and they will understand you completely. They may not be the best of help because they will try saying all the generic things first, but don't let it bother you. They really do love you, even if they can't show it in the way.


my mother doesnt understand it at all. i dont tell her i cut or think of suicide but she knows i am depressed, even though she says i shouldnt be and my life is fine... that makes it way worse. and with my anxiety in public i snap at people and i dont mean to i just get stressed. i feel like a huge failure. everyday i wish for death.

She too may not fully understand everything your going through. Don't worry about the public anxiety. Again, people are too quick to make decisions and judgments about people, without knowing their background. They just assume the worst. Of course you don't mean too, and there isn't anything you can do, so don't stress over it. It doesn't make you a failure, and it certainly isn't worth losing your life because of a bad judgement someone made, who doesn't fully understand how you feel.



i used to do drugs but i dont now because my parents foundout (they are divorced and hate each other with a tremendous passion) they sent me to rehab but i only did the test to get in i never went. i told them i only did oxycodone once. relisticly. it was 40 maybe more. i said i did it cause my knee pain. which was true for the first time then i did it cause it made me feel like i didnt exist. like i watched the world from a safe distance.


Don't let this haunt over you forever. You made a mistake, and you it doesn't matter. It is the past, and its never coming back. It is understandable that you wouldn't want to go for rehab, and now that your clean, you don't need to worry about this either. It may have made things clearer for you, and at the time being, was fine.


i dont know why im posting here maybe just to get it out. and parcially to get some opinions and advise. i guess im looking for support. my life has just gone to sh*t. i haven't seen my psychologist in weeks for many differnt random events. so i don't have anyone to talk to about everything. well this is very long so ill end it here. thanks for reading. ill try to hang in there. ‹3

You aren't worthless. You will be able to prevail. If you really feel worse then you ever have, I would think twice, and maybe talk to a psychologist, or a really trusted friend. You can do it, and stay strong.



If you ever need anything, don't feel free to post a VM for me, or just about anyone here. We are ll here fore you.

Stay strong and good luck,

~StoppingTime/Steve

[XxArcAngelxX]

well i have been diagnosed with social anxiety. and not much has changed since i was put on it. i think im going to ask my psychologist to have me get off zoloft. and i tell most of my friends everything. to me cutting helps i know i shouldnt but i feel like i should

[StoppingTime]

well i have been diagnosed with social anxiety. and not much has changed since i was put on it. i think im going to ask my psychologist to have me get off zoloft. and i tell most of my friends everything. to me cutting helps i know i shouldnt but i feel like i should

Dont feel bad about cutting. Sometimes, it really does help, but it may not be the best option. Instead, maybe you should try a compromize. Try doing somethting instead of cutting one day, the next, cut if you really need to. Then, if you feel comfortable, make it a two day gap and so on. This is only a suggestion, it is all up to you.
How do your friends react when you tell them things? How would you like them to?

I wish you the best of luck,
~StoppingTime/Steve

[XxArcAngelxX]

Dont feel bad about cutting. Sometimes, it really does help, but it may not be the best option. Instead, maybe you should try a compromize. Try doing somethting instead of cutting one day, the next, cut if you really need to. Then, if you feel comfortable, make it a two day gap and so on. This is only a suggestion, it is all up to you.
How do your friends react when you tell them things? How would you like them to?

I wish you the best of luck,
~StoppingTime/Steve

thanks for the suggestion i might try it. what exactly should i do instead of cutting? about the friend subject. 1 of them doesnt like talking about cutting [she does herself aswell] and the other is concerned. i can see where shes comming from and i understand it. she does try to cheer me up, recently she suggested that i just imagine things like make my own world which accually sounds intreging. so sorry about my spelling these meds im on [zoloft] mess with me sometimes.

[AppealToReason]

thanks for the suggestion i might try it. what exactly should i do instead of cutting?


Depends, what do you like to do? Common suggestions would be listening to music, reading, sleeping, but you can also try things you like. I know exercising can helps a lot of people, and so do clubs, sports, art, ect. Hell, coming on VT can be a nice way to get your mind off cutting. :P

[XxArcAngelxX]

this will sound stupid but i dont enjoy much. thats why my friend suggested i imagine my own perfect world. but i have been working on a painting for art thats a portrait of my friend [or rather will be its not done =p]

[AppealToReason]

Art really is an amazing thing to get into. There have been days where I can spend hours on a picture without even realizing it. By that time it's already late and I just go to sleep, lol. Anything that helps you relax and get your mind off of SH is a great thing.

[XxArcAngelxX]

Yeah i used to be into art i dont know what happened. i think this art class im taking got me started again. im going to try not cutting today. we'll see how that goes =p

[StoppingTime]

Yeah i used to be into art i dont know what happened. i think this art class im taking got me started again. im going to try not cutting today. we'll see how that goes =p

Good Luck! :)

[secretly_secret]

Alex, how old are you? I just want to know.
I am a thirteen year old girl, and reading this, and my heart is breaking for you.

Do you know how much you are loved?

Think about it!
You have friends here. You have friends at home. You have...

man, you have God. Do you realize He knows everything that's happening to you?

Pray. Find people who are Christians. Find out who you really are. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4KhSDxvngw

[XxArcAngelxX]

Alex, how old are you? I just want to know.
I am a thirteen year old girl, and reading this, and my heart is breaking for you.

Do you know how much you are loved?

Think about it!
You have friends here. You have friends at home. You have...

man, you have God. Do you realize He knows everything that's happening to you?

Pray. Find people who are Christians. Find out who you really are. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4KhSDxvngw

I am 16. i dont believe in a god i am an atheist. but i am trying my hardest to keep my mind off cutting.
~Alex

[AppealToReason]

How's it going so far?
Don't forget that if you really can't control the urges, come vent on here. I know it has helped a lot of people. Airing out all your problems can really help some calm down for some reason.

[XxArcAngelxX]

How's it going so far?
Don't forget that if you really can't control the urges, come vent on here. I know it has helped a lot of people. Airing out all your problems can really help some calm down for some reason.

well not well ›‹ i keep looking at my cuts and thinking about it... watching movies can only do so much, i usually play video games and that keeps my mind off it. but appertly im grounded for my grades in a class even though my mom said she understood why i was having issues with the testing [my anxiety]. at least im kinda keeping my cool. im anxious but i am normally like this. so okay as of now thanks for the support.
~Alex

[secretly_secret]

well not well ›‹ i keep looking at my cuts and thinking about it... watching movies can only do so much, i usually play video games and that keeps my mind off it. but appertly im grounded for my grades in a class even though my mom said she understood why i was having issues with the testing [my anxiety]. at least im kinda keeping my cool. im anxious but i am normally like this. so okay as of now thanks for the support.
~Alex

You know, you can play video games online. It's fun. I'm watching my older sister play Mario right now. I love it but she won't let me play with her. :(I'll play with her later.

[Alexis goes Rawr]

hey, i think everyone pretty much covered it, but i'd like to add antidepressents - im on my phone nd dnt have spell check so im pretty sure i spelled that wrong :/ - usually take a month plus to actually start taking an effect, one of my bestfriends was on flouxitine another anidepressents nd it didnt start helping until a month and a half
Remember if you cant control your urge to cut there are plenty of people on here, including me :), who can understand what your going through and would be more then willing to talk to you and try to help

[XxArcAngelxX]

You know, you can play video games online. It's fun. I'm watching my older sister play Mario right now. I love it but she won't let me play with her. :(I'll play with her later.

well i usually play online but apperntly im grounded from my ps3 ›‹