Getting sick and tired .

[flumeendeavors]

Hi guys.

I don't come on here very much anymore but i have to talk to you all today.
Those who know me know that i used to cut myself really bad - bad enough that i got sent to a psychiatric hospital. So i know how it feels to be depressed and want to feel sorry for myself BUT...

Im getting really pissed off now sometimes because i listen to all these cutters and people with eating disorders and they just hate their lives so much and they try to pass off their stupid ways of dealing with shit by trying to get everyone to understand how bad their lives are. I mean, i honestly do not care if you cut yourself because you think you're fat. I don't care that you cut yourself because you are aparently solely responsible for your parent's divorce or money issues! Seriously?! You do not control your family's income okay?! Yeah it feels like shit when you need to be in the hospital a lot and your parents have to deal with the payments but they do it because they want you to be safe and healthy and they know what they are getting themselves into by doing it all. And nobody can say that i dont know anything because i have serious depression and i just stopped cutting myself and starving myself and making myself puke and trying to kill myself. I KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. Im just saying whats on my mind. I think it sucks when someone feels so horrible about their lives that they want to die or when they feel like they cause everything wrong in the world so they cut or when they feel like they are sssssooooooo fat so they purge or starve. I think it absolutely SUCKS. But you know what? Get some help! Get off your asses and trying to do something that you have never done before - help yourself! I know im being tough but get over it because this kind of a talk is exactly what i needed to get smart! Im not saying that none of your guys' issues are important, im just saying STOP SITTING AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

It frustrates me so much because i know that all of you guys can get better but you just dont feel like youre important enough or smart enough to get it done. You can all do it - i did it...cutting your skin to pieces and scarring yourself internally and externally for life isnt going to solve shit-all so get going you guys! Get help, whether you need meds or not, whether you need a hospital or not, whether you need a therapist or not....just get help! It's so much easier than it sounds. I know you can do it. <3

[Magenta]

You can be frustrated but this doesn't mean anyone will just 'get over it' or 'get off our asses'. It takes a lot of willpower to ask for and accept help. Sometimes it takes something big to give someone a kick in the right direction. This sort of seems a bit more, erm, accusatory than 'uplifting' or something of the sort.

While I see where you're coming from, some people may not respond to this that well and it's really not that simple as I think you know.

[AlmostHomeless]

Every time I try to get help I change my mind and I truly believe that it's "all in my head" (no pun intended) and that there's nothing really wrong with me. Once I actually did try to get help. I told our school nurse. She told me to scrub the cuts and that they will go away. She said to think before I act and sent me on my way. It's complicated. It's not easy to make people understand.

[AncientCatastrophe]

Its not as easy as it seems, no matter what people tell them, they are the only ones who could truly cure themselves... Our advises are just helping them in leading the right path.

[Aubrie]

It's not that simple. Some people can't just ask for help. It took me 2 years to ask for it. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done. I see where you're coming from now that I haven't cut in almost 2 years, but those who still cut will most likely respond negatively to this. I think most, if not all, cutters have a very warped image about what they're doing.

[Amaryllis]

You've probably seen me around and I know I've seen you. I'm going to put this as nicely as I can, it's nothing personal.

Your pain is real and no one can tell you otherwise. It doesn't matter if people are starving, if someone is being raped and tortured by their parents, it doesn't matter if your problems result from a break up or if you have a mental illness. Whatever it is, what you feel is what you feel. Your feelings are the one things nobody can prove "wrong". My mum constantly told me how I didn't a "right" to feel the way I did, that my life was perfect. I was already cutting then. That added some coal to my self-harm, anorexia, orthorexia, compulsive overeating and exercise, manic depression, BPD, OCD etc. I just wanted someone to tell me "It's okay, you can cry. Whine. Complain. Your life sucks." You've been through this, you should know.

Treatment is not easy. Hell, it took me a bloody long time to even realise I had an eating disorder, that was when I was like, what, 65lbs? 2 years ago I begged my mum to take me to a psychologist. She threw me out of the car. When I finally did go for treatment, I felt hopeless. The psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, counsellor, they did not help. A lot of people seem to think as long as you see one, everything will be fine. Well, a lot of people don't have access to it, be it because of money, because of where they live(like me) or because it's shameful, it's hard, painful, embarrassing, difficult to lay yourself naked in front of your mother and ask for help.

To this day I cannot talk about the cutting. I cannot talk about the sexual abuse from my father.

What people need is empathy, they need kindness, understanding, patience, love, faith and trust. Telling someone they should get off their asses and stop whining will not do any good. Whatever pain you feel, that's yours. It's something only you, fully and truly understand. I think I got through it all on my own. Heck, all the professionals ask me why I'm there because I have myself all figured out. Knowing is different from feeling, just as doing is. Just because I love "plum" doesn't mean I am no longer that skeletal, anorexic girl I was.

Hospitals and professionals do not fix everything. You do.

[flumeendeavors]

EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHMYGOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so sorry to anyone who got hurt by this post! I being honest right now; i got into a fight with my friend and she did this on all of my website accounts!!!! Anyone that's friend's with me on this website knows that im not like that about stuff like this!!! I AM SOOOO SOOOO SOOOO SORRY YOU GUYS!!!!! It wasnt me though and ive decided to change my passwords for everything so that she can not do this again! Im so angry now.....especially on a website like this!!! I am so sorry you guys!!!!!