I'm so sorry

[AvengedHorizon]

I did it again, I caved. 10 times to the stomach with my compass.
1: i'm a terrible daughter
2: i'm stupid, as been told by my sister since i was 4
3: i'm in a good school but i'm the only one who's failing my classes
4: I have no friends, they turned on me
5: Bullies bullying me because they think its funny and i cant stand up to them because i get nervy and stutter
6: I stutter when im nervous, i'm such an asshole what kind of 15 year old gets nervous talking to people?
7: My family is fucked up and it s not normal
8: stress and over anxiety
9: Ashamed of cutting
10: I don't like having odd numbers, and it feels good

wow. i'm a weak, pathetic girl, arent I? I thought the other day about how relaxing it would be to get in the bath and drown, or today, how it would feel to be hit by a car, the pain would make the emotions subside.. ahh <3
But i'm ashamed.

[AncientCatastrophe]

Its not your fault and your not pathetic either, everyone goes through the things that your going through...
stay strong and never be affected by bad people

[AvengedHorizon]

thank you, but i'm not, the fact I LIKE the feeling it gives me :/ I don't want to give it , its like an addiction :( but thank you

[AladdinSane]

1) I'm sure you're not a terrible daughter, your parents were probably just like you at your age.
2) Who really cares how intelligent you are, if they judge you on your intellect, they're horrifically shallow.
3) Ask for a bit extra help from teachers in the bits you find difficult; as soon as I started my AS levels this year I felt like I was drowning under work I didn't understand, I just asked if I could see the teachers in their spare time, its what they're payed for!
4) If they turned on you, they're bad friends full stop. Try making friends with some other people that seem kind and accepting :)
5+6) For the time being, try and avoid them, when you get nervous, slow your speech down and try to think about what you're going to say before you do so, this should help the stuttering and
what you say will sound more meaningful.
7) Plenty of people have fucked up families, we just have to use these experiences to make us stronger.
8) This should be reduced by the above.
9) Don't be ashamed of cutting, a huge number of people cut, and a huge number get through it, you should probably approach your school pastoral tutor or someone
10) Keep it to two if you like even numbers, and even better would be zero- also an even number! Try and imagine something utterly disgusting whilst cutting; psychologically, association should make it feel much less satisfying.

[AvengedHorizon]

1) my dad told me the other day "You're not my daughter, what have you done?! what have you become, you're not my little girl"
2) I go to a school where you're kicked out if you're not smart enough, tis a problem >.<
3) I will :') and ive been trying
4) Thats why im here :)
5+6) It takes a long, long while for me to be able to speak to someone new, nevermind someone when im hurt or upset by something they said, but thanks for the tip (y)
7) thank fuck for that! we could make a best=bits episode of jeremy kyle xD
8)I know, its a resulting factor that needs to go!!!
9) My mother works at the school :/ bit awkward because she'll know if i go to counselling, i dont want them to be more ashamed of me than they already are
10) but after the first 9 i had to make it even ^^ but i see your point
but thanks :}

[AvengedHorizon]

and before i read this i just took a compass and slashed the fuck out my arm. I have absolutely no idea why