help?

[sarahtheweber]

So i have tis friend, lets call her M. M is a really good friend and she's helped me a lot. I've helped her some to. She just came to me about having an ED and wants my help. How can I help M without accidently making it worse?

[unknownuser]

I know you want to help your friend, but I think the best thing you could do is tell her parents and/or a counselor at school. They will decide what to do from there, in many cases professional help is needed.

Good luck, hope you can help your friend.

[StoppingTime]

I know you want to help your friend, but I think the best thing you could do is tell her parents and/or a counselor at school. They will decide what to do from there, in many cases professional help is needed.

Good luck, hope you can help your friend.

No do not do this. You may think it will help her, but dont do it unless absolutely necessary. Try reading around here and maybe even show her the site.


Good Luck to the both of you :)

[sarahtheweber]

Okay thanks. I would never tell her parents anyway. it would dig up WAY to many bad things for herr...

[BrokenButterflies]

Ya, definetly don't tell anyone. That's a quick way to loose trust. Just (as clesha as it is) let her know your there for her. Try and encourage her to eat, but don't push to hard to fast. And what ever you do, DON'T make comments about her apperence, like "your getting to thin" "you would look prettier if you gained some weight" things like that. That can sometimes have the opposite effect of what you want. When someone says something like that to me, all it does is tell me I'm doing good and makes me want to loose more.

[Fiction]

Helping someone with an ED is probably one of the hardest thing to do, because it's going to vary from person to person. I guess just be there for her if she wants to talk, but don't push the subject. Don't avoid it either though, if she wants to talk let her.

[Amaryllis]

All you can do is be there for her. Hold her hand, pick her back up, give her a shoulder to cry on. In the end she is the one that has to do this. This is what I always say:

Eating disorders or any mental illness for that matter is like running up an escalator that's running down. You're alone, tired, afraid. There's a skeletal hand grabbing onto your ankle. You run up the steps. You try to reach the door right at the top, the door that leads to a place where you can rest, where there's light, where you won't be alone. You stumble sometimes, fall down a couple'a steps, sometimes you sprint right ahead but you never, ever fall right to the bottom, not unless you die.

I used to think I was all alone running up that escalator, then I realised I wasn't, we all were. It was just a massive, ridiculously high and extremely fast escalator. No one can carry you up all the way. But they'll catch you when you stumble, they'll grab your hand and pull you up but only if you let them. In the end, only you can shake off that skeletal hand telling you to stay, dragging you into the dark, only your legs can take you right to the top.

So, all you can do, is be one of those people, pushing her on and pulling her up. In the end, it's her choice. Her strength. Here's a thread I wrote, get her to read it if possible:
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=110035

Good luck :)

Love,
Faith and Trust

[sarahtheweber]

Thanks guys :) this has helped, but i'm still scared for m... She's limited her intake so much and she exercises so much.... Shes not doing to welll..... I'm worried about her.

[Faithfull]

I'd show her the site, i'd tell her that her parents (or a doctor if that's too hard) really need to be told about it, but i'd also make it 100% clear to her that you will not tell anyone unless she asks you to (even if she does ask you too tbh).

It's a really hard thing to help with but just try and lend and ear and be there for her.