Is it really worth it?

[Blue63]

Maybe if I get it out, it'll stop bubbling inside me. Maybe I'll find peace.

I think about death. A lot. I'm constantly worried that those I love are going to die. Soon. I think about my own mortality too, but differently. I'm not so afraid of dying. In fact, part of me thinks it'd be quite nice. I hate that I think about suicide so much. I could never, I dont think, kill myself. But lately, I don't know, is life really fucking worth it? So much more suffering than happiness.

For me, life is a constant cycle of stress. If I'm not stressing about my grades, I'm stressing about my future. I've dealt with that sine I was a kid. I'm okay with that. I've lost a lot of friends by circumstance. I'm trying to rebuild. Remake normalcy. Find new friends, a new group. I just feel so alone. All the time. No close friends. No girlfriend. No one to talk to. No one to go to.

I've spent all of my life trying. I try to do well in school. I try to be a good friend. I try to be a catch. I try to make friends. I'm so sick of failing. I never win. I don't think I can try much longer.

I was depressed before. I got over it. Now, over a year later, all those feelings are coming back. I'm not consistently cutting again, but I've slipt up a few times recently. It feels like it did before.

I'm just really lost. I don't know what to do. It feels like I have no one to turn to. Senior year was supposed to be fun, not suicidal. It feels like I'm just spiraling down. Fuck. I can't get lost in these flames again.

I dont really know what I'm looking for here. Advice? Help? Anything. Thanks.

[Slytherin_Prince]

Blue63,

I think everyone thinks about their own mortality sometimes. It's the one thing no one can escape, and the one thing most people fear (to some extent) above all, whether it be the way of dying itself, or the thought of not being there anymore. Some people even believe that religion was built on these fears, to comfort people by giving them the thought of there being more when your earthly life ends.

I myself am a deist, so I don't think there's anything afterwards. This is a rather scary thought, I admit, and I've thought about it many times. There were times I couldn't even sleep because of it. But inevitably, life ends. As a famous saying goes: "Life is a gift, so you must enjoy it while you can. that's why it's called "present"."

I do believe in this. And I will admit, I've thought about suicide. I've even tried twice, something I would rather not discuss any further. Everyone has their fears. everyone is, to some extent, scared to lose the ones they love. Instead, I always find strength in believing that what counts most is the time spent with them for as long as the laws of nature allow it.

As for my actual advice, you're still young. You cannot give up on life when there's still so much to experience. You're going through a rough patch right now, I can tell. And losing friends is certainly a difficult thing to go through. I myself lost almost everything I held dear about 4 years ago, and I went through years of complete hell. But you know, I do believe that things will eventually get better. such trivialities never last long.

As a final note, when the going gets tough, always bear in mind that with determination and perseverance, everything will be alright. Life's built up out of ups and downs, and things will certainly look like "shit" at those lowest points. But you know, it's those better moments in life that make it worthwhile. And I am wholeheartedly convinced that you will experience many good moments indeed. Don't give up.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

[Blue63]

Robert,

Thank you. Living in the present is something that I've always struggled with. My mind is constantly in motion and it would definitely be helpful to accept where I am as opposed to become frustrated over where I could be or where I have been.

Life is built with a lot of ups and downs, you are absolutely right. It has to get bad before it gets good. Rock bottom can be a solid platform to build upwards. I sincerely hope that there are good moments to come, thanks for your firm belief!

Everything will be alright. That should be my new mantra. Thank you Robert, you've helped!

[Slytherin_Prince]

No thanks required, glad to have been of assistance.

Most sincerely,
Robert.

[StoppingTime]

Maybe if I get it out, it'll stop bubbling inside me. Maybe I'll find peace.

I think about death. A lot. I'm constantly worried that those I love are going to die. Soon. I think about my own mortality too, but differently. I'm not so afraid of dying. In fact, part of me thinks it'd be quite nice. I hate that I think about suicide so much. I could never, I dont think, kill myself. But lately, I don't know, is life really fucking worth it? So much more suffering than happiness.

You've probably heard the whole "don't do it, you have a purpose" stuff, and it seems pointless, so I won't discuss it. You have people in this world who love you, they would hate to see you go like that. Even though it may not be so clear. What has been going on in your life? If you feel comfortable posting, I will try to help more.


For me, life is a constant cycle of stress. If I'm not stressing about my grades, I'm stressing about my future. I've dealt with that sine I was a kid. I'm okay with that. I've lost a lot of friends by circumstance. I'm trying to rebuild. Remake normalcy. Find new friends, a new group. I just feel so alone. All the time. No close friends. No girlfriend. No one to talk to. No one to go to.

I'm not going to pretend to know what your going through, but I'll still try and help. You've got a while to think about your future, don't stress about it so much, but rather, live enjoy the present. How has it been finding new friends? Have you? And, do't worry aout not having a girlfriend. That is something you never want to rush, so go slow. You will find the right person, and they will find you, it just takes time.
And you've got many people here you can go to. Just about anyone here is willing to talk and help you, we are all here for you.

I've spent all of my life trying. I try to do well in school. I try to be a good friend. I try to be a catch. I try to make friends. I'm so sick of failing. I never win. I don't think I can try much longer.

You have to believe in yourself. If you don't then you are destined to fail. People who treat you as a good and true friend will understand. Many people are quick on judgments, and just ignore them. They don't know what you ave gone through.

I was depressed before. I got over it. Now, over a year later, all those feelings are coming back. I'm not consistently cutting again, but I've slipt up a few times recently. It feels like it did before.

I'm happy to hear that you haven't been cutting as much. It may help at the time, but in the end, it will onyl be worse. Do things you like. Try to spend time with anyone who cares about you. If they truley do, they will do everything they can to make you feel better, just hang in there. Don't feel guilty about cutting though. It is sometimes out of your control, and that's fine.

I'm just really lost. I don't know what to do. It feels like I have no one to turn to. Senior year was supposed to be fun, not suicidal. It feels like I'm just spiraling down. Fuck. I can't get lost in these flames again.

Spend time with people who care about you, Do things you enjoy. Don't worry about what other people think about you. You have done a great job, just jeep going strong, and things will turn around. They will.

I dont really know what I'm looking for here. Advice? Help? Anything. Thanks.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That's what we are here for. Everyone is here to help you.

Good Luck with everything,
~StoppingTime/Steve