i quit...

[Everglow]

at life

it's too hard to live in hell

[schrei jess]

Dont do it. Ive been there, and now that Ive worked everything out and have gotten better, I realize how much I like life, and how much I want to live.

Please hold on, you'll make it through, you can get through this - you dont have to die to end your problems.

Please PM me if you need someone to talk to, I know what it's like, and I want to help. If you do decide to send me a message - I cant respond right away, bujt dont think Im ignoring you.

Just please dont do this, there are a lot of people on VT who care about you and woulkd be very upset if you killed yourself, including me. Even though I dont know you well, I know you're a great guy who would be missed a lot.

[BillyWitchDoctor.com]

dont quit. lets just talk a bit, what makes it so hard to live? and why do u think ur living in hell?

[Everglow]

Dont do it. Ive been there, and now that Ive worked everything out and have gotten better, I realize how much I like life, and how much I want to live.

Please hold on, you'll make it through, you can get through this - you dont have to die to end your problems.

Please PM me if you need someone to talk to, I know what it's like, and I want to help. If you do decide to send me a message - I cant respond right away, bujt dont think Im ignoring you.

Just please dont do this, there are a lot of people on VT who care about you and woulkd be very upset if you killed yourself, including me. Even though I dont know you well, I know you're a great guy who would be missed a lot.

Thanks Jess. It's just too hard sometimes to keep living, hoping that things may one day get better. I've been going through an emotional roller coaster called life and I'm stuck at the bottom of my upward climb to happiness. I fear that once I'm happy, I'll fall back down to the abyss of sadness and depression - just like a roller coaster.

To specifically answer your questions witchdoctor, it's hard for me to live in a world of parental rejection. Time and time again, I'm not good enough for them, but this hell of mine is that they have found out that I'm bisexual and in a relationship with a guy. My parents epitomize all hatred of non-straight people. I continually hear their adamant cries of disgust; every time the word 'gay' pops up mother and father profess their utmost hatred for the ‘unholy crime against humanity.' In their eyes, I am worthless for having an 'immoral' sexual orientation. Honestly, I'm tired of being worthless. Now that they know I'm bi, I can't do anything to gain their approval.

[BillyWitchDoctor.com]

cmon, ur not worthless. there's nothing wrong with being bisexual. what you have to do is remember this, there's nothign wrong with you. everytime ur parents say something like "AWW, these gays are defects and criminals against society" w/e, its gonna hurt but uve gotta remember, ur a good person and there's nothing wrong with you. parents love their kids, im willing to bet that you'd be in much worse shape right now if ur parents didnt love u. i can imagine that it hurts to have something about u rejected from someone as close to u as ur mom or dad, but if it just hurts too much talk to them. tell them they may have their veiws about things, but that the daughter they love and gave birth to is bisexual. now, u mentioned that they say things about gays/non-straight people as being "unholy". im gonna guess ur parents are christian only because it seems that religious christians sometimes have a thing against those who are not straight more than other religions. well im chrisitan too, i got back from easter sunday church a few hours ago, my dad's a priest (im protestant) etc. to me, God is our father, and a father loves his children. A father wouldnt punish his children for being a little different than most people. Of course a father wants people to carry on his name by reproducing and even non-striaght people can do this lol. A father would love his children no matter what, thats part of being a parent. now, to get back on track, know to urself that ur not worthless at all. Id say that a challenge for u would be to confront ur parents and have a talk about this. If you are able to do this, you would be a very strong person, the opposite of worthless. if u dont want to do this, it doesnt matter. just know that if some things about you arent considered good in ur parents eyes, thigns such as not being completely heterosexual, know that ur a good person and that you are you and you arent going to change who u are deep down just to please some one else

[Everglow]

billywitch..I'm a boy...

Well, yes, we're Catholic and that's part of the stuggle to. I don't want to think of myself as dirty and unholy but when my parents scream that at me, I just want to die. You know, it's like first I'm a failure with my parents, now I'm a failure in my faith. Splendid. If all they can think about is my sexuality, then what's the point in trying to be their 'prefect little boy?' The only thing I have ever wanted to do is please them, but I'm constantly reminded that I'm not good enough. This sexuality thing trumps my trying, because it's a part of me that I can't change. All these years they have been right. I'm not good enough. So what's the point?

[BillyWitchDoctor.com]

yea im sorry about that...mid-writing i wasnt sure if u were a guy or girl...so forgive me for that...

well, it seems like u have it hard off. "All these years they have been right" But they're not right...are u saying here that they're right about non-straights? if u say that then ur only hurting urself. You've gotta remember that its ok to be straight, bisexual, gay, etc. "The point" is that you've gotta strive on. youve gotta do what you want in life and if you cant please ur parents in some instances, then it might be easeier to think that no, you cant please them in this case. But what u can do is live a happy life not living up to ur parent's standards...i want to say something but i cant find the words. it seems like u have 2 choices: take a risky chance at talking with ur parents, or accpeting that they arent happy with choice uve taken and you're goign to have to enjoy life knowing that there's something about u ur parents arent happy about. i dont see anything wrong in either. some people can't be persuaded and the victims of that need to be strong and know that they have to live with that, but not live by that. dont try and change something deep down about urself, live and be happy with who you are and if u are with someone else, be happy with them. it must be hard so i cant fully understand what ur going through but uve gotta keep on going loving urself

[Everglow]

When I muster the strength to do so, I will talk to them about it. Not now though, I'm too afraid of what could happen.

Well, it seems as if I'm on another emotional downfall. A friend of mine, err let's just say someone who I thought was a friend of mine, bitched me off yesterday and pissed our friendship out. Splendid, I freakin bent over backwards for that whore bag, got her to believe in herself and helped get her damn head on straight. And this is how she repays me. She fucks off our relationship. She didn't even have the guts to tell me what the fuck I did wrong. Hell, I guess I'm worthless to her too. Why do I even try anymore? I'll forget this life.

[BillyWitchDoctor.com]

well, according to what u said, this "friend" was probably a prissy lil bitch. dont blame urself for everything that happens, some people are just not good people and u cant blame urself when they cause ur relationship w/ them to get fucked up. ur not the reason for the bad things that happen in life. i think if u remember that, you'll have a better perspective on things, ur not the reason for the bad things that happen in ur life.

[*lynn*]

i hope things have gotton better some for you. i'm not sure what's going on with that girl, but just know that i am here for you if you want to talk ever, okay? i hope you know that. i'm thinking about you...

:) lynn

[Everglow]

i hope things have gotton better some for you. i'm not sure what's going on with that girl, but just know that i am here for you if you want to talk ever, okay? i hope you know that. i'm thinking about you...

:) lynn

perhaps....

[Maverick]

at life

it's too hard to live in hell
Believe it or not things will get better. All these bad things going on now will just make you stronger later on in life. Hang in there; in the future you'll look back on this and be glad you did. Don't lose hope.

[*lynn*]

perhaps....

what do you mean?! please explain.

[Everglow]

Believe it or not things will get better. All these bad things going on now will just make you stronger later on in life. Hang in there; in the future you'll look back on this and be glad you did. Don't lose hope.


Thanks Anthony. I'm just an emotional mess..I have a million and two things not going well for me right now...and sometimes it's just hard to keep trying to make things better.

As for you lynn..well, I don't know how to explain that, it's just true..that's all.

[*lynn*]

how are things with you lately?

[Maverick]

Thanks Anthony. I'm just an emotional mess..I have a million and two things not going well for me right now...and sometimes it's just hard to keep trying to make things better.
Yeah I can understand how that can feel. All you can do is try to make things better for yourself and what you can control. Live for you not anyone else. If you're not getting mutual support from someone be there for yourself. Find ways to make yourself happy.

You know you can handle whatever is thrown at your face. Just ride the storm and move on.

[Everglow]

It's almost been a week since I last posted here....but this time, I am soo happy to say that I have been feeling much better that past few days. It's been an emotional high for like three days now...and I'm sooo excited..and I'm actually feeling good for a change!!

Things are steadily getting better with my parents..and I've given up...in a good way..at school..I mean summer is soooo close and my head's in the sky and I'm lovin it!! The best thing is, that I have'nt seen my therapist in like two weeks! I hope this means that I'm slowly, but surely getting better..on my own..with the help of a few wonderful people in my life and on this website! Jess and Billywitch!! Ant..lol..sorry bout being a total douche bag a while back!! Alex..omg you crazy goof ball..I love you to death..omg there are soo many other people that helped me too....rrr crap..i gotta eat..i'll be back to finish this

[schrei jess]

Yay good for you, Im so happy for you! The high after a terrible low, feels simply amazing doesnt it?

Be sure to avoid anything that could make you fall, that's the worst thing about having a high - the possibility of falling, and falling lower than you were before. Please avoid all triggers, and concentrate on your happiness, you deserve it!

[product_of_my_parents]

i'm glad things are better for you. i hope that they continue to keep getting better with all the help of your friends on here and where you live. congrats and keep it up.

[Everglow]

It's almost been a week since I last posted here....but this time, I am soo happy to say that I have been feeling much better that past few days. It's been an emotional high for like three days now...and I'm sooo excited..and I'm actually feeling good for a change!!

Things are steadily getting better with my parents..and I've given up...in a good way..at school..I mean summer is soooo close and my head's in the sky and I'm lovin it!! The best thing is, that I haven't seen my therapist in like two weeks! I hope this means that I'm slowly, but surely getting better..on my own..with the help of a few wonderful people in my life and on this website! Jess and Billywitch!! Ant..lol..sorry bout being a total douche bag a while back!! Alex..omg you crazy goof ball..I love you to death..omg there are soo many other people that helped me too....rrr crap..i gotta eat..i'll be back to finish this


ok..I'm back to finish!!

lol it's a new day and I'm still feelin great! By the way, last night's dinner was fantastic...seafood is my favorite :) Ok there are so many people that I owe thanks and appreciation to..they all know who they are and I want to thank them all for their kindness. It has truly meant the world to me and it has honestly made all the difference! I'm happy and I'm so glad to be able to say that for once.

Yes, I still have problems, but I'm not about to throw in the towel after a few mishaps. I think I have a cool peace of mind now..and only hope that I'm not speaking too soon, as I am still fearful that I might slam face first into the ground..from the wonderful height that I'm at now....

[Bobby]

Hey, that's great :D

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best :)

[Maverick]

You're doing awesome. You should be very proud of yourself.

[Everglow]

Well, I saw my therapist today. After a hellish weekend...sorry guys...I flopped after a massived argument with my parents. I told my therapist about it and talked to him about why I think am such an emotional mess up sometimes, especially when I'm upset or the least bit frustrated. After a very long conversation with him, he decided that it was best to put me on zoloft..an anti-depressant which will also help me with my irritability. My parents were initially against him putting me on medication, but he was able to convince them that this is something I need right now.

I gotta run..I'll be back to finish this post later. bye for now

[Bobby]

Well, are you happy about this new medication, what side effects does it have?

[Everglow]

Yes!!! I'm soo happy that I have this medication to help my head stay on straight. I'm seriously thinkin that it is the best thing for me right now. I mean I can deal with my emotions sometimes..like only a few days or so at a time..but I crash..and when I do...I crash hard. Yikes! hope that doesn't make me sound big headed...

mm side effects are like sleepiness, dry mouth, nausea..ohh and this morning I woke up shaking..wasn't cold though

gotta run again..i'll be back to edit

[Bobby]

Well medication can't make you perfect, but it sounds like it's helping.

[Everglow]

I'm back from a super fun weekend in Cincinnati!! It was amazing...I see my therapist tomorrow and will talk to him about some of the side effects that I have been experiencing..the shaking and the intrapersonal conversations...I don't feel like a zombie to much any more..maybe I'm getting used to the new meds? This could be a good thing..