can't take it anymore

[rissa-_-]

so ever since school started i've been non-stop busy. wake up at five. go to school at seven. then after school i have cross country til 4. go home and do homework. i can barely stay awake while i do my homework. i usually go to bed at eight.
during school hours no one wants to be with me. i'm always alone. it makes me feel like i'm not wanted anymore. i keep having urges to cut again, but i just keep saying no. And when it's time for cross country practice i also feel alone. just the other day i was made fun of.
so my friend is in another state, her grandma past away just a few days ago. she's the only one i can talk to but we usually play phone tag. welp i guess i'll be alone for at least another week.

[sarah newman]

This must be hard for you.
Believe it or not, cross-country is a great way to stop those cutting urges. Trust me, you won't wanna cut after the long time you achieved of not harming yourself. I have cut recently after months of quitting, and it's the worse feeling ever. You feel like you have betrayed someone- your family or friends- by covering it up. You don't need this feeling hanging over you.
Maybe you could go to the library at lunch and do some of your homework, just while your friends away. And a great way of making new friends is to go to a socialising club- a youth club is a good idea- and start talking to people there. It doesn't have to be a school club, just a public club. This way you have time for yourself and it can keep you motovated and not feeling so tired. You would feel great for meeting new people- especially if your shy and never pictured yourself doing this.
Or talk to a professional, tell them how you feel. I wouldn't talk to your friend just yet as she has to grieve for her grandma, but maybe when she is back.
Good luck with whatever you decide, pm me anytime