Panic

[Alexis goes Rawr]

Alright so im pretty sure my mom somehow found out about my SH because the otherday all of the sudden all of out razors for like shaving dissappered and my mom announced i wasnt allowed to use them anymore that she would buy me the cream stuff, nd yea it was weird but i didnt think into it to much just my mom being her usual unpredictable self. But then yesterday infront of my little sister my mom announced that this weekend i was going to the doctors to get blood drawn and then added in one of the most condesending voices i have ever heard said ''and then youre going to another doctor someone you can talk to since you dont seem to be able to talk to me'' no fu**ing sh*t i cant go and talk to her or ever trust her after evrything shes done to me! Shes the reason i cut in the first place how could i ever trust her after she broken my bones given me concussions held a knife to my throat nd smashed beer bottles over my head as a little kid! I do not want to go to a shrink which is what im sure shes talking about just so evrything i say can get reported back to her so she can yell at me for it. And then today i stepped on something plastic nd it cut my foot nd it started bleeding so i said loudly ''ohmygod im bleeding'' i mean seriously how can plastic make u bleed? Nd my mom says just low enough so my sister dsnt catch it ''well you like that dont you'' how could she say that to me if she does know how could she be so cold. I dont know what to do i dont want to talk to someone shes paying i havent actually cut in like two weeks ive barely even had the urge to but right now thats all i can think about doing but i know i simply cant now cause shes probably going 'check me out'' from now on. I feel so trapped and panicked i dnt know what to do......

[xdancing_for_rainx]

I'm not really sure if I have much help to offer, but, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. My mother is the main reason I started self-harming as well (but more due to passive-agressive/emotional attack type things... not so much physical abuse). I've lost count of how many times I've been caught.

Anyway- do you think talking to someone could help, even in the slightest? I know of a lot of people that think therapy/counseling have helped them out a lot. I personally can't testify that it did anything for me, but many people find it useful. Who knows- it might be worth a try. I'm sorry though about your mom saying and doing those things to you :/ It sounds like you're in a kinda difficult situation with all that.

It's really good that you've not cut in about two weeks, and that the urges have been minimal. If you're aiming to quit cutting, that sounds like a pretty good start.

Hope you're doing alright. You're always welcome to leave a message if you want to talk about anything. Take care.

[Aubrie]

I'm sorry all of that happened to you :\

I just wanted to add that a therapist is not allowed to tell your parents anything typically, unless you are suicidal/planning to hurt someone else. Now it may vary state-to-state and country-to-country, but it's usually all the same.

I would go into it with an open mind if I was you. It may help. Maybe you should consider telling him/her about all of the stuff your mom did...? She really shouldn't get away with that, especially if she's still abusive.