alley
September 22nd, 2011, 12:19 PM
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months.
We were good friends before. I liked him for a while before we eventually started dating.
Today We saw eachother, for the first time in ages. We have only recently gone back to school. He is older than me and is doing bigger, more important exams which require alot more work. He also happened to chose the hardest options, thus creating more work.
I realised we wouldn't see eachother as often anyway when we went back to school. I can cope with that.
But today he told me he basically can't.
He sat me down, and said it wasn't working. Because we hardly see eachother. I mean, it's not ideal, but he's got to get his education and I fully respect that. I would never stand in the way.
But he says we're going no where. That he doesn't think it can work much longer. Because he's too busy, he needs to focus on exams. and he doesn't think its fair I have to deal with that. What he doesn't understand is that I only care about us being together, I admit I would like to see him more but I would rather see him less but still be 'together'.
I tried telling him this but he wouldn't have it. I guess it's his decision anyway.
He's giving it till our next school break. (around 4 weeks)
I nodded and pretended like it was fine. Like I'd support him with it all. And of course I will. But inside I was breaking. I walked home in tears. I lay on my bedroom floor in tears. I refused to come out. Now, five hours later, I have surfaced. My parents are confused, and worried. But I can never talk to them.
The worst part is, we're not over, and this is how I react to him saying, it might be.
I feel so upset, emotionally broken knowing that this is going to end very soon. I don't want to get my hopes up that we're going to be okay after today, the way he spoke, it was just a real sense of hopelessness.
I don't want to lose him. I care about him so much, I do not know if it's love yet because I do not rush into that. I more take each day as it comes.
he plans ahead. He feels that if we break it will be better long-term rather than putting it off and ending messy.
He says he doesn't want this though. And neither do I.
I don't understand how he can think this is for the best.
Please, don't leave any stereotypical comments saying 'You're only 15, they'll be plenty more guys.' or 'At 15 you become infatuated and it's not really like that.' I don't want to hear it, because it's a form of agism. I'm mature for my age. And I am perhaps different to what you would consider your average 15 year old. It's not like I planned out my whole life with him, I take each day as it comes, like I said. But I feel like this has bearly begun and already it might be over.
I just don't know what to do. I've given everything. I couldn't bare to lose him now, after I wanted him for so long.
I have no idea how I am going to function. It's ridculous, setting my whole sights on one person. But now, I feel like there isn't a purpose to anything, even though he hasn't said it's over. That it might be.
All the memories of the first month and a half where things were decent in our relationship; and all the months before when we were friends..I can't even think about them without crying. Yes. I am stupid. We're not even over. Yet the thought of it is too horrific to bear. And the thought that I have somehow managed to sacrifice everything for this one person is also biting at me.
I can't afford to lose anything else. In the last month i've lost my best friend, and all of our mutual friends aside from two. That's another story, but that's also emotionally broken me enough already.
My self harm is out of control. My parents current relationship is stressful, putting extra strain on me.
And now, I might be losing the one thing that I use to find purpose.
We were good friends before. I liked him for a while before we eventually started dating.
Today We saw eachother, for the first time in ages. We have only recently gone back to school. He is older than me and is doing bigger, more important exams which require alot more work. He also happened to chose the hardest options, thus creating more work.
I realised we wouldn't see eachother as often anyway when we went back to school. I can cope with that.
But today he told me he basically can't.
He sat me down, and said it wasn't working. Because we hardly see eachother. I mean, it's not ideal, but he's got to get his education and I fully respect that. I would never stand in the way.
But he says we're going no where. That he doesn't think it can work much longer. Because he's too busy, he needs to focus on exams. and he doesn't think its fair I have to deal with that. What he doesn't understand is that I only care about us being together, I admit I would like to see him more but I would rather see him less but still be 'together'.
I tried telling him this but he wouldn't have it. I guess it's his decision anyway.
He's giving it till our next school break. (around 4 weeks)
I nodded and pretended like it was fine. Like I'd support him with it all. And of course I will. But inside I was breaking. I walked home in tears. I lay on my bedroom floor in tears. I refused to come out. Now, five hours later, I have surfaced. My parents are confused, and worried. But I can never talk to them.
The worst part is, we're not over, and this is how I react to him saying, it might be.
I feel so upset, emotionally broken knowing that this is going to end very soon. I don't want to get my hopes up that we're going to be okay after today, the way he spoke, it was just a real sense of hopelessness.
I don't want to lose him. I care about him so much, I do not know if it's love yet because I do not rush into that. I more take each day as it comes.
he plans ahead. He feels that if we break it will be better long-term rather than putting it off and ending messy.
He says he doesn't want this though. And neither do I.
I don't understand how he can think this is for the best.
Please, don't leave any stereotypical comments saying 'You're only 15, they'll be plenty more guys.' or 'At 15 you become infatuated and it's not really like that.' I don't want to hear it, because it's a form of agism. I'm mature for my age. And I am perhaps different to what you would consider your average 15 year old. It's not like I planned out my whole life with him, I take each day as it comes, like I said. But I feel like this has bearly begun and already it might be over.
I just don't know what to do. I've given everything. I couldn't bare to lose him now, after I wanted him for so long.
I have no idea how I am going to function. It's ridculous, setting my whole sights on one person. But now, I feel like there isn't a purpose to anything, even though he hasn't said it's over. That it might be.
All the memories of the first month and a half where things were decent in our relationship; and all the months before when we were friends..I can't even think about them without crying. Yes. I am stupid. We're not even over. Yet the thought of it is too horrific to bear. And the thought that I have somehow managed to sacrifice everything for this one person is also biting at me.
I can't afford to lose anything else. In the last month i've lost my best friend, and all of our mutual friends aside from two. That's another story, but that's also emotionally broken me enough already.
My self harm is out of control. My parents current relationship is stressful, putting extra strain on me.
And now, I might be losing the one thing that I use to find purpose.