Relapse or some shit

[Bath]

Been happening for the past month or so but I guess it's here now.
That paranoia/anxiety/depression combination. I can't even explain it right and that's just making me all the more frustrated. That tight feeling in my chest, that loss of motivation, this weird, suicidal state of mind... This stuck, suicidal state of mind. Don't want to do anything but hurt myself and everything gets surreal and I can't even cry.

I'm probably having a panic attack right now but I don't really know I'm having one until it's over.

Does anybody else have that surreal feeling?
Or, like, that hopeless feeling. I've always been this cynical bitch that is well aware that I'm not worth anything. Sometimes I don't care. Sometimes it's overwhelming, though, and I can't pull myself out of it.

This loss of identity.

I can't even type straight, like I said. It's really difficult for me to explain what I'm feeling but I wanted to get it out.. I hate it when I go through this.

I feel sad and all I can do is welcome it, write about it wording things like a retard, and try to numb myself but fail.

[Iris]

I get it(I think). When I'm at my absolute worst, I don't cry or anything; I go into a state of shock. My psychologist said it's a minor version of an out-of-body experience, when I'm so overloaded with shit that I just lose it, and everything becomes dreamlike. Maybe this sort of thing is happening to you.

You're clearly feeling crappy; I'm sorry...I hope this passes. It should. Maybe you've just gotten overloaded and your mind needs some time to sort itself and settle down.