Suicide..

[Nevermore]

I've been away for awhile, because I've been going through a lot of shit. I've currently been batteling suicidal thoughts and begging myself not to hang myself from the bridge near me. I can picture it so perfectly, it's just so beutiful. If not just cutting a little bit too deep the next time. I don't know what's wrong with me. My sister a few days ago was sexually harrased online by a fucking pedophile. He showed her his parts.. and her friend kept texting it to her. She's only 12. I almost lost her this summer. She almost died in surgrury for her scholiosis. Not only that my parents have completely seperated themselves from me, I feel like they've abandoned me, and they dislike me. I no longer live with them (long story I'm not going into. My summer was spent in a mental hospital due to anoerexia, not much of a summer. My friend I met there we became close and she asked me out. I told her I was taken and well long story short she's in the hospital for a suicide attempt. She left me her suicide letter, I feel like it's my fault. This is the second time a close friend has done this too me, and for the same reasons. So I just feel awful and I hate myself. I'm being harrassed by my teacher and his assistant everyday. They've told me in front of the class to come out of my own world and back to reality, laughed at my drawlings, and bitched me out. I just feel unloved, abandoned. My PTSD is getting worse. I'm so behind on work, and can't sleep, I'm just a mess. The one person I love my boyfriend, I can't see because my parents hate him and said I can't see him because we flirt and say sexual things to each other, and they want to get a restraining order against him. This is the one person that keeps me together, that's keeping me alive.. I love him so fucking much, and they are taking the only thing that's keeping me in this world, the only place I feel safe is with him. He's my everything. I just, I don't know what to do, I'm freaking out. Since I was gone I was diagnosed with schzerphrenia. Shadows and Demons keep bothering me and well, they want me dead. My alter, Ana (yes I found out her name) still trying to figure out the younger ones name, is being a pain, and I keep switching all the time, and it's pushing me away from people. I hate everything. I want this to end. What can I do? How can I cope? I have no one to talk to. I need help.

Just wanted to say I won't commit suicide, because I can't do that to people. I just don't know what to do. I feel awful.

[Carlyle]

I have had suicidal thoughts myself.. Not a situation as bad as yours, but slightly similar. I am so sorry that your parents feel that way and that you almost lost your sister.. and I know the yelling doesn't help, but your teachers and family just want whats best for you. Just try to look at it from there point of view once in a while, it might change your aspect on the situation. But do not kill yourself. You would make a lot of people upset, and even if they don't show it now, they will when you're gone.

[Nevermore]

My teacher is an ass, and doesn't want what's best for me. I understand where you are coming from though. But even my parents and psycologist see his actions as bullying and they want me to report him. I'm not going to kill myself, I'm not selfish. I couldn't do that to my family or the friends that I have. I lost my uncle last year to suicide almost lost 3 friends now to it, I just can't do that to them. Honestly I could care less about other people's feelings towards my death, the only person I care about is my boyfriend. I mean I care, it's just at the same time, I don't know, it just seems so easy. I guess I'm conflicted because i know I would never do it, but at the same time I want to you know?

[Carlyle]

Yeah I can kind of understand. Sorry to hear your teacher is truly being an ass, hopefully you don't have to deal with him much longer. I am also sorry to hear you lost quite a few people to it :/. I hope your boyfriend understands his importance to you and your life and can be thankful you feel that way. Hope this all goes over well for you.

[jeremy96]

i was suicidal once

[Eclipsical]

We've all thought about it...

In the end...I'm a pretty big wimp who was just afraid to go thru with it. The pain of dying, etc....Plus that whole "instant hell" thing for suicide(and no I'm not all the religious but ya never know...gotta stay away from the serious shit!)

But then I thought that I'm on the bottom and the only way to go is up...Be Positive And Love Your Life :)

[Nevermore]

I hate my life, and myself. I know everyone has thought about it. I guess because of my suicide failed attempts in the past, I know how to do it better. I'm not afraid of hell, because I"m living it. Plus I love pain. I just can't be selfish and hurt others, which is why I would never do it. I've been on the other side of suicide multiple times, and I can't bring that pain to others. Thank you all for your respsonses by the way. <3 Means a lot to me.

[Eclipsical]

I hate my life, and myself. I know everyone has thought about it. I guess because of my suicide failed attempts in the past, I know how to do it better. I'm not afraid of hell, because I"m living it. Plus I love pain. I just can't be selfish and hurt others, which is why I would never do it. I've been on the other side of suicide multiple times, and I can't bring that pain to others. Thank you all for your respsonses by the way. <3 Means a lot to me.

If you need to talk about it..even tho I'm sure you have with many people...feel free to vent on me.

[Nevermore]

Thanks Ryan, I appreciate it :) <3

[Love.Hate]

What your friend did was not your fault! It wasn't okay. I'm sorry to hear about your sister, I hope she is okay now.

I have these thoughts all the time, but you need to push through them and hope One day you won't feel like this. I'm always always here if you need to talk.

Suicide is never ever the answer.