How do you help someone who's anorexic?

[cheezygreez]

There's this girl who I'm dating that has anorexia and anxiety problems. I really, really want to be able to help her, but I really don't know what to say a lot of the time. She has no problem being open with me and spilling her guts, but it seems like there's no right thing to say, saying she looks good/bad or fat/thin are all possibly counterproductive. Usually I'm a really good therapist for my friends, but the reason I'm good is because I can use reasoning to convince them of why they're wrong, but that doesn't help in this case because eating disorders are so irrational. I really want to be there for her when she's feeling bad, how do I do this?

P.S. it may be worth mentioning that she is extremely beautiful (although obviously too thin) and she isn't superficial at all (at least in her personality)

[Lethe]

You can't. She has to make the decision for herself. You can try all you want to, but in the end it is her decision and her decision only to get help for her disorder.

You can help raise her self-esteem by telling her she's beautiful or pretty. At least she's attractive; just imagine if she looked like someone like me. Ew. I'm sure she's perfectly fine, she just needs reassurance and professional help.

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

Well actually, as an anorexic I can say there are deffinitely things you can help her with. Yes the final descision to get well has to come from her, but just being able to understand what to do/not do/say/not say.

For starters, you are right in saying that saying she looks good/bad or fat/thin seems counterproductive. It most likely is. For anyone with an eating disorder, saying they look good makes them think you thought they looked bad the previous day, and the same with fat/thin. I know it might seem strange but it is just the way your mind starts to go when you have an ED
However, it doesn't mean you can't pay her a compliment. Try simple things like, noticing if she has done something different with her hair or if she is wearing new clothes. Girls like it whe guys notice things like that.

It may seem like a simple thing, but never comment on what she does or doesn't eat. If she comes over to your house, just say help yourself to anything she wants or something and then don't bring it up again, even if she has been there a while without eating. In the same way, don't comment if she has a day where she eats more. If she thinks you don't notice when she does eat, she might feel more comfortble eating around you if she gets hugry.

When you go out on dates, try and not do food related activities. I know it may limit your options but feeling like eating is forced for her really wont help her. Do fun activities like bowling or rent bikes or something like that

Good luck, and I hope your girlfriend gets better. You could try suggesting coming on here to her, she might find it helps

[cheezygreez]

@previous poster: Unrelated, but too coincidental not to mention. The girl I happen to be talking about has the same name as you! Only it's spelled different and is all one word like this: Anamaria

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

@previous poster: Unrelated, but too coincidental not to mention. The girl I happen to be talking about has the same name as you! Only it's spelled different and is all one word like this: Anamaria

Haha, that is an awesome coincidence!