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View Full Version : Coming Out Before Being Found Out


ShyGuyInChicago
September 13th, 2011, 12:51 AM
I thought this was interesting. In a documentary called Out on the Job (which focused on three individuals who live in three separate states where it is legal to fire someone for being gay), there was a part that I found especially interesting: one of the people profiled in the documentary, a 20-year-old woman named Mateisha made the decision to come out to her boss Antoinette, because Mateisha believed that Antoinette was about to figure out that Mateisha is a lesbian. Mateisha and Antoinette are close and have a mother-daughter relationship, and Antoinette regularly visits Mateisha at home. Mateisha lives with her girlfriend Sanagwa, and told Antoinette that Sanagwa is a friend; Antoinette finds it strange that Sanagwa is always at Maetisha's apartment, and she is always asking Mateisha if she is dating guys, but Mateisha never gives a direct answer. Because of this Mateisha felt that Antoinette was going to realized she is gay which is why she planned to come out to her, but she is afraid that she will lose her job is Antoinette finds out.

In short, do you/have you ever suspected that the people around you suspected that you are gay, and have you ever considered or made the decision to come out before they figured it out on their own or because you thought they were very close to figuring it out on their own?

I have wondered if my parents suspect anything since I have never dated anybody. However, they may not since I told them the reason why I did not make friends in elementary, middle, and high school was because I did not like my schoolmates and I did not want to get hurt by them and I was just shy (the other reason was that I was afraid of being rejected and bullied for being gay and I thought it would be better to not make friends rather make friends and hide my sexuality just to be accepted). I assume they just think I am shy and stubborn and in their mind if I won't make friends, then why would I find a girlfriend?

I have never considered coming out before being found out. People in high school have asked if I was gay, and I just said no. I assume thy only asked because somehow they suspected it.

Infidelitas
September 13th, 2011, 06:02 AM
Well, my parents knew, because 1) Mum caught me looking at Gay porn (long story) 2) Dad would point out 'hot' girls, and ask if I thing they're hot, and I would just stutter and change the subject.

None of my friends 100% knew when I met them. A couple weren't sure. I had already come out at that point. But because I don't tell anyone unless they ask me, they weren't sure. One of my friends saw a facebook status, and asked me if I was. I was honest, and told him, and all was good.

Curoz
September 13th, 2011, 07:29 AM
People used to ask if I was gay all the time. I always said no,
Now they sure they think I'm straight, just not the stereotypical straight male teen.
Thus they do joke about me been gay, which I don't care about.
Ive always said I will come out when Im in a relationship, if the other person agrees.

JMEE
September 13th, 2011, 01:10 PM
Choosing to come out is far better than someone else forcing the closet door open :P and life might be a bit weird for the first few days but people will accept you. trust me

but u can get fired for being gay in america?! wow this is the 21st century... I mean, reallllllllllly?

ShyGuyInChicago
September 13th, 2011, 01:41 PM
Choosing to come out is far better than someone else forcing the closet door open :P and life might be a bit weird for the first few days but people will accept you. trust me

but u can get fired for being gay in america?! wow this is the 21st century... I mean, reallllllllllly?

In many parts of the America, you can be fired for being gay. It depends on what state you live in.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_United_States#Employment_discrimination

ugaboy
September 14th, 2011, 07:46 PM
I am young - and not at all sure what I am. But I think I know somewhere in my heart.
If what I think is true, the being "found out" really scares me. I live in the south USA, and it is not really accepted in my town. I sure hope I can get it all sorted in my own head soon.