its getting bad

[ryantombs]

so i cut on 3 different days not all consecutive.... because of a girl... so just fyi girls... guys arent the only players lol

any ways first time barely blood prob none...
second time was very light looks like i scratched myself twice prob bout 2 inches long

3rd time was the worst... still not tht deep but deep enough to cause pain aftr... this is prob across my whole thigh i guess 5-6 inches and this was deep its like a ridge across my thigh i did it with a knife and i tried to get deeper when i did it it still hurts

and 4th time was a little later aftr my third time and that was maybe an inch across but sorta deep not bad

and today i saw my ex gf or something and got real mad and sad and depressed and my almost first thought was to cut myself... idk if i will tonight

i mean im not cutting my wrist or arterys or anything its just my right thigh

but yea heres my other thread please comment on that too http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=115512

anyone saying anything will help

Love,
Ryan

[ShatteredGlass]

If she mistreated you you only give her more power by cutting. Your allowing the effect she had over you to grow roots. Your best bet is to forgive her and decide to take control of your thinking and emotions. You maybe thinking "She doesn't deserve forgiveness" But forgiveness is for you not the other person. Forgiveness is about you deserving to be able to let it go. It is a process and it does take some time but if you decide to pursue it and stick to it you will find the reward is much greater than you imagine. Part of getting older is acknowledging that all though people may do things it doesn't have to effect us, this is part of detachment, not from yourself, not from the world but simply not allowing others to negatively influence your quality of life.

[ryantombs]

see the thing is yeeh she left me but i feel total fault is with me... and i fucked up im not mad at her... actually i need to still talk to her she is the one keeping me sane

i told her i cut once and shes like what the fuck is wrong wit you

and i told her i cut again a diff day and shes like wtf and that was the end of that
she doesnt know bout my deepest
like she is the only one i trust wit this stuff i dont want to tell anyone else cuz i feel they will judge/ treat me differently where with my ex she wont we are still friends just not best friends (yet, but she wants to be)
and yea no one else to talk to realy i feel alone

[ShatteredGlass]

Well you have everyone on virtual teen. You still have your ex as you said. And I don't know about your family but if they are close you have them too. And people may judge you they may you treat you differently I know I've told over the years over 10 maybe 15 people about my cutting and some random folks. The random folks did judge me. And my sister was mad at me and treated me differently when she got angry but the majority of people didn't judge or treat me differently they just wanted me to stop. I'm not gonna tell you that you won't get hurt because we all get hurt. But more important than the possibility of hurt is the possibility of help.

[Amaryllis]

Honey, no one. I repeat, no one, is worth hurting yourself. What starts out as scratches become so much deeper and so much worse. It becomes an obsession, an addiction. A feel-good pill for every pain the world. And it doesn't work. All it does is drag you further down, deeper and deeper until it's almost impossible to crawl back out.

She's a girl. There will be many others. It may seem like the end of the world now but believe me, it isn't. There will be better and you will find life beyond romance. There is so much more to life than that.

Please, try your hardest to not cut again. It doesn't get better. Only worse. You don't need to cut to show your pain, you don't need to bleed to bleed out pain. Good luck. We're here for you.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[ryantombs]

thanks guys it means a lot i just told her today like about it like going to her as a friend she just kinda blew it off
and im not really cutting to show love or do anything like that... im doing it now for self hate and everything i hate it