Lost my girlfriend sorta resorting to cutting

[ryantombs]

So first off i am 16 and gonna be 17 in two weeks but anyways my gf left me after 8 months i have cut on 3 diff occasions first time- one short cut barely blood, second time two strips little blood not much about 3 inches loong.... i was using a dull knife i didnt want to cut all the way just to lose the pain of the break up. no scarring

the breakup happened 4 days after our 8 months on july 27th havent been the same since. i only started cutting a week ago

but we talked today like bout us more me ranting on how i miss her and how she moved on and doesnt understand what has happened to me... so i cut today sharper knife more blood not gushing but deff more blood and 4 inches long... this cud leave a scar

all were done on right thigh

i want to talk to someone but i dont want to tell any of my friends and i dont want my parents to know so i dont want to go to a therapist

im ranting on tumblr basically to myself as a journal

ive tried talking to my ex about cuz well she is the closeest person ever to me and stuff but its like she wants no part of it
she told me today that shes still in love with me and cares bout me but just doesnt want the bf gf thing

so i want to stay friends but at the same time it kills
im really emotional but it to me just shows i care
http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/ryantombs9234
theres the link if yu want to read some of my thoughts

thing tht sucks is i was promised a brand new car by my parents and the thing is im basically turning it down cuz i dont want anything besides this girl and my b day which is september 23rd wud be our 10 months i hate this this is like a cry for help
please i just want to talk to someone before it goes to far idm just starting a convo on here...

sorry for long annoying post

- Ryan Tombs

[Tenoramic]

You have ur entire life to find a gf, you are still very young. Dont need to be so extreme. Everyone go through many relationship so its gonna be ok be happy think of something to distract urself..

I have been single for ages and turned down by many people i know hoe u feel but u r still young and its gonna be ok. Add me to ur friend liat and i would love to talk

Don't double post use the edit button - Kaius

[ryantombs]

its not the turning down i actually turned down atleast 7 i know and even promised a girl tht i wud go out wit her and then went back to my ex... like its something different ever since the first time we met
her dad actually went out wit my aunt over 25 yrs ago
but in frosh yr (now a junior) we met instant hit we liked each other everyone saw but didnt go out till febuary... went out for two weeks since it was my first gf ever i got to possessive and well she broke up wit me took it hard but then we started talking again and we wud have on and off flirt fests and then hate each other then came summer we talked told each other we liked the other one then the day before we saw each other well... shes like i dont have those feelings any more ok kinda mad then in soph yr went out for 4 days got mad broke up i started talking to another girl (this is the one i pormised) i went to watch this girl in marching band at a football game well my ex was there and well when the new girl i was talking to left this one came up to me and we were pushing each other like flirting ok w.e. i txted her after and shes like im practically in love with you she was wit someone else and im like c ya (to the girl i promised) and i told her i am in love with yu we gave it 3 weeks or so and she left her bf i broke the news to the girl i was gonna go out wit we went out for 8 months. greatest time in our life... we hated each other so much that we were so in love 5 days a week we hung out... blah blah blah lots of stuff and we talked bout gettting married having kids where we wud live pretty much hopes and dreams with each other... how many kids EVERYTHING on valentines day she told me i will be your valentine for the rest of our lives... she told me one time just call me mrs tombs :)
like a few of the 200 plus txts i saved everything and then she kissed another person just a kiss and told me the day after it happened... she told me while we were heading down to her house oh 700-800 miles away my parents let me go with her fam for a week... i didnt care i just wanted her and well i knew my time was running out and 4 days after our 8 months she told me i have been depressed ever since... and just recently started cutting
the thing is i belived all that stuff and you guys might laugh shes the one i want for the rest of my life shes the girl i know and i just kno... just dont laugh please

[ryantombs]

im really sorry for tht long confusing thing :(

[ShatteredGlass]

You have at least a good 60 years ahead of you. And all that time you can spend dating or married. you're still a kid and as such it is important that you enjoy the stage in life of being a kid and sometimes that means not having a bf/gf but the cool thing is you don't need one.

[ryantombs]

see the thing is now i look at other girls and compare them to her and well she wins always or
the other day i went to talk to her face to face and well i was crying the whole time and shes like well got to go and im like ok and we hugged and i wouldnt let her go i was now bawling my eyes out so hard i started to shake in her arms... then i went home and put a cut in my right thigh...

[ryantombs]

i know its hard tho cuz now i compare every girl i look at to her and well she wins

im thinking about going out wit someone to yea just like try and move on like i said she was my first gf and also first love and many many actually all firsts for me... so its hard... any ideas on that

[Kaius]

You've just come out of a long term relationship, its going to take a while to get over her but eventually you will. I had the same feeling when my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years left me a few years ago. To me she was 'the one' and I 'would never get over her' it took me months to get over it but eventually I did. You've just got to give yourself time. Stop trying to find replacements and start working on your personal health. Take it from experience, planning that sort of thing as early as you have is bound to cause some upset when you break up, you can't put all your eggs in one basket at this age you need back up plans in case this sort of thing happens. Planning your future around one person isn't a healthy thing to do and 9/10 its just going to leave you at a dead end if that person does eventually leave you.

Now that you've started cutting if you don't try to stop now its going to be a hard task to stop. Try not to use that as an option every time you get upset, find something to distract yourself with. A sport, a video game, movies, drawing, writing. Do something other than sitting indoors dwelling on it, because it really won't help.

If you need to talk you can pm or email me at any time. I know how hard this is and how difficult it is to see past her, but she really isn't the be all and end all, if she could leave you and lose her feeling for you/not come back to you after this time chances are mate.. shes not worth it, you can find so much better.

[ryantombs]

thats probably the best thing someone has told me regarding this and i might be taking you up on your offer sometime :)
if you dont mind...

[Kaius]

Not at all, its what im here for :)

[ShatteredGlass]

i know its hard tho cuz now i compare every girl i look at to her and well she wins

im thinking about going out wit someone to yea just like try and move on like i said she was my first gf and also first love and many many actually all firsts for me... so its hard... any ideas on that


I don't think you should go out with anyone right now until you've been able to heal and forgive and have moved on. Because if you do that person will turn into more of a crutch to you and no one likes being a crutch or a rebound. Also you shouldn't compare other girls to her. You knew her in a way that you don't know any other girls so it's not a fair comparison.

[ryantombs]

heal and moved on is the thing forgive... there really isnt any to forgive i blame it on me

and i know i shouldnt but its one of those things when yu love a person yu think they are the best and now she left and i still love her if yu know wat i mean

and i know its not right but idk