I cut

[bambino]

5 for being ugly
5 for being lazy
5 for being stupid

all deep, arms, legs

yay for being a retarded fuck up. Why dont i do everyone a favour and die. Hmmmmmmmmmmm
whats the point
i dont even feel like im alive half the time, or a real person. I disappoint everyone i can barely go out. im selfish
disgusting inside and out

i deserve this.

[Leonard Axel]

I used to be like you, I used to hate myself. I thought everything was my fault. I contemplated suicide every day. I wanted the world to remember what they did to me. I wanted to hurt as many people as I could before I died just so they would remember that they never cared. I was about to do something horrific.

But then I thought about everything I was going to miss out on. advancements in technology, medicine, space exploration, etc. Thats what got me through. I hope you can too.

I'm not saying go cold turkey. Just try to do a little less everyday. Please.

I'll miss you if you die.

[bambino]

thank you for replying, it means a lot.
Thing is this is my first SH in almost 5 months. It feels horribly good to come back to it, finally I have something to punish myself with again. Except, is it even punishing when I enjoy it so much?
I do hate myself, but I would never want to hurt my family or friends- that's what stops me from killing myself. I dont want them to notice...I dont want to cause them any worry, I want to save myself. I'm not sure how.

Ha my mascara's stained down my cheeks I look so strange. My arms and thighs feel like they're burning. What a mess

[Amaryllis]

Amber. You don't deserve any of this. You don't deserve the pain, you don't deserve the eating disorder, dysmorphia, douche of an ex, crappy life, tears, anger, frustration, hate, misery. You don't deserve any of this. Neither is any of this your fault. I've said this before, I'll say this again: You are beautiful.

Inside and out.

Cuts do nothing in the long run. They are not effective. They do not help. They do more harm than help. You're beautiful no matter what you say. Why mutilate a beautiful body? You're worth recovery. You know you are and even if you don't, I do. Your counsellor does. Why do you think he hasn't given up on you? Because you have a chance.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[bambino]

thanks Z, that actually really helped
I know you're right they don't help. Tomorrow is a new day, I will try again. I'm really disappointed at myself actually, I'm going to have to wear long sleeves for a while- so annoying.

lots of love back, I hope you're doing well