bambino
September 6th, 2011, 07:59 AM
Oh I don't look like shit? really? is that why you ditched me? Yeah. Fuck you. Don't you dare try and make me feel better, don't try and feed me lies. I want to scream at you. I can't stand to have anyone look at me right now I don't know how I'm even going to cope. The thought of people looking at me makes me want to curl up. My BDD is killing me, I can barely go out without alcohol.
you know what I want? for you to just fuck off and leave me alone. my stomach hurts, my head hurts I'm terrified about going back to college and I'm so sick of the sight of myself. Its disgusting. Everything. I'm scared about going to that clinic, and I haven't told anyone about it because they'll probably say I look fine, or I'm an attention seeker. So I haven't told anyone and I'm really fricking scared.
I hate you. I hate you so much I wish you would just say how disgusting I am and never come back.
Leave me the hell alone. I said I'd forgiven you? Well I lied. You say you know it was bad? You have no idea how bad. You reaffirmed all my beliefs -that I'm ugly and pathetic and useless. The only thing I'm scared of is rejection, not being wanted and boy did you give me that. Bad? Ha. Does bad cover wanting to die. Of course you would be with someone else, of course you would say you wanted a normal relationship, a normal girl, conventional- not a freak like me. Not a self harming messed up bitch like me.
How stupid have I been..to put my trust into anyone. Then again, once bitten twice shy right. Never again. I wonder if one day you will be able to feel even an ounce of how useless I felt when you said: I don't love you anymore. My Dad has always hated me, and then you hated me too. But neither one of you as much as I hate myself.
God I hate myself it's so exhausting. Won't I disappear one day. Why can't I be relaxed, like other people, drift through the days, go outside, be around people, smile and not always be thinking: am i ugly. Am i ugly. Am i fucking ugly.
Why can't I live my life. This is barely a life. Trapped indoors, hardly going out, not eating infront of people, panicking, being sick. What a life.
Please. Save me, or don't bother half hearted reassurances.
you know what I want? for you to just fuck off and leave me alone. my stomach hurts, my head hurts I'm terrified about going back to college and I'm so sick of the sight of myself. Its disgusting. Everything. I'm scared about going to that clinic, and I haven't told anyone about it because they'll probably say I look fine, or I'm an attention seeker. So I haven't told anyone and I'm really fricking scared.
I hate you. I hate you so much I wish you would just say how disgusting I am and never come back.
Leave me the hell alone. I said I'd forgiven you? Well I lied. You say you know it was bad? You have no idea how bad. You reaffirmed all my beliefs -that I'm ugly and pathetic and useless. The only thing I'm scared of is rejection, not being wanted and boy did you give me that. Bad? Ha. Does bad cover wanting to die. Of course you would be with someone else, of course you would say you wanted a normal relationship, a normal girl, conventional- not a freak like me. Not a self harming messed up bitch like me.
How stupid have I been..to put my trust into anyone. Then again, once bitten twice shy right. Never again. I wonder if one day you will be able to feel even an ounce of how useless I felt when you said: I don't love you anymore. My Dad has always hated me, and then you hated me too. But neither one of you as much as I hate myself.
God I hate myself it's so exhausting. Won't I disappear one day. Why can't I be relaxed, like other people, drift through the days, go outside, be around people, smile and not always be thinking: am i ugly. Am i ugly. Am i fucking ugly.
Why can't I live my life. This is barely a life. Trapped indoors, hardly going out, not eating infront of people, panicking, being sick. What a life.
Please. Save me, or don't bother half hearted reassurances.