You know what's wierd?

[georgiamay]

I've managed to get this far, and I think I'll be able to get further. It's getting easier to resist the urges, you know, I think I'm recovering pretty well.

What's weird, is that I still feel attached to my blade. I needed to cut comething earier, and going downstairs to get some scissors seemed like way too much effort, so I just used the blade that I used to cut myself with. I dropped it by accident, and for a few seconds, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. I found it, and it's back in its usual place now, but it was weird. I don't think I'm going to be using it anytime soon, and hopefully I never will, but I'm still freaking out at the thought of losing my blade.

Now I have to face to dilemma of whether or not to take it to school with me tomorrow. For the last 2 years, I've taken a blade to school with me every day. I wasn't self harming for the whole 2 years, but I still wanted to have it with me. Tomorrow is my first day of sixth form, and I don't know if I want to bring it with me or not. I don't want to bring it with me, because I want to sort of start over, but I'm scared. I'm not sure what about, but they thought if not having it with me at school scares me.

[Amaryllis]

You know, when you were a little girl, did you have a pacifier or say, a milk bottle? We were pretty attached to our sucking implements then :) And then we grew up and threw it away. Do you still have cravings for your pacifier, georgia? Would you bring it to school every day and freak if you saw one?

I know it may seem like a pretty strange analogy but our blades are like our pacifiers. If someone pulled a pacifier out of a baby's mouth suddenly, the baby would cry. But if you do it slowly, the baby might miss it and cry for it every now and them. But soon the baby gets used to not having it and it just doesn't need or want it anymore.

So, sooner or later, your cutting implement will be like your sucking implement. You won't need it anymore because you've gone so long without it. You're doing so well so why not keep going? Then you can show it off to all of us who still let the blade dictate our lives. Nah, you'd just be an inspiration :)

Love,
Faith and Trust

P.S. I tossed my pacifier in the river.

[bambino]

I agree, don't take it with you. It's the worst thing you can do, what if someone see's it/finds it. It does happen.
When I'd take blades to school I would 9 times out of 10 end up cutting. Because I had the option. Instead of proving to myself I could make it through without.

one time I completley forgot my friend was there and got my blade out started messing with it [not cutting] she was horrified. That's how normal blades had become to me...it's actually scary to think about.
I hope you throw it away hun you have already been strong, make the next step.