Counselling or ED specialist?

[bambino]

[*long post warning*]
After waiting like 7-8 months for counselling [as I'm now 18 the waiting list is massive; I had counselling as a young teen but eventually stopped and was prescribed antidepressants]
it finally came through, except my doctor sent out 2 requests one for normal CBT counselling and the other a referral for an ED clinic.

I know I have issues with food, but they probably fall into EDNOS as they're so erratic and I'm not terribly underweight . I am scared of putting on weight, and check calories of most things [lot better than I was before though] I dont weigh myself religiously anymore, my main problem is eating infront of people- hate it. I did used to make myself sick and I do get the urge to, but its not weight focused ..more because sometimes food makes me feel disgusting and greasy and not clean. If I'm thinking about how unattractive I am or bad things from the past and I eat i feel like i want rid. It's weird. Like my hands and body need to be clean so i need to purge up the food. It's hard to explain?
Im a fussy eater I have 'clean' foods, like apples, banana's, whitebread sandwiches these are fine and unclean foods like currys, fast foods etc.

But, I do manage this, it's not obvious I'm not painfully thin, if anything a bit dumpy now [i'm only 155cm tall] I have SH-ed since I was 15/16 although I'm now 4 months free [can't stand these urges! but don't want to give in] my main issue is my [B]BDD body dysmorphic disorder, triggers my SH, stops me leaving the house, obsessive mirror checking, depression- you name it.

So do you think I should go for the normal CBT or the ED?
:| i have a week to decide

[Love.Hate]

Honestly I would say go for the ED because part of that triggers your SH and if you learn to beat your issues with food it will be easier to fight the self harm side of things. Good luck with whatever you do :hug:

[bobby1273]

erm, which one is causing more problems? if the ED is causing SH urges etc then maybe then ED councilling (and visa-versa). Sorry this isn't much help but i suppose all i can say is go for the one which is causing more problems for you and good luck! Also you could always ask your doctor for a professional opinion on which would be best.

[Dimitri]

I would go for the ED specialist, and please remember that we are here for you just like the specialist even though we are not specialist ourselves many of know what you are going through and we remain here for moral support, you are not alone in this but you can also use soem of the things that you are taught by your ED Specialist to help others here.

Good luck and remember we are all here for you.

[Amaryllis]

ED specialist. I wanted and needed one but there are no ED specialists in this small country I live in. EDs, in fact, are quite unheard of. As is self-harm. Really, you probably need both an ED specialist and psychologist but ED specialist over a counsellor. If your body dysmorphic disorder is what triggers you.

I'm here for you, Cat and I always will be. Good luck in recovery because I know you can do this? Oh and is that a guy in your av? ;) Met someone, amber? You deserve all the happiness in the world.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[bambino]

Thanks all, I'll probably go to CBT [thats in a couple days] and ask the counsellor if he thinks i'd be better suited to an ED specialist?

Because although I have issues with my body, it's my face that is my biggest hate. My purging doesn't even feel weight related..don't even know what that is. I just feel like I'm not skinny/bad enough...plus, my bestfriend whos a recovering anorexic goes to the same place and if she ever finds out I'll die. She must never find out I have anything like this, her counsellor already doesn't want me hanging around with her .. :|


@Faithandtrust
thank you :) but no, that's a just a cute photo off tumblr. Although I was asked out yesterday haha! But I said no, he was a sweet guy but I have feelings for an ex. The one that screwed me over. Ha. Brief overview for you there! ..-sigh-
Hope youre well sweety , stay strong you're doing so brilliantly

@Rob
thanks (: appreciate it

@Fran
thank you for replying hunni, stay strong

@Guitarguy
Thank you for your input, it is a tough decision I will probably do that

[Amaryllis]

Thanks, Amb. You're doing brilliantly as well! I'm always here if you're having a hard time stumbling. An ex, I see He better be good enough for you!

[bambino]

You too sweety! Anything at all, just leave me a message. youre allowed to have weak moments too hun- like you said to me.

Ha, oh dear. Protective big sister Z, or rather little sister! Cute ^_^ Well its love hate but hey.. c'est la vie. But I refuse to have a relationship until I've sorted out my BDD (:

[Syvelocin]

Well, know that CBT is actually very valuable. Everyone's saying the ED specialist but in your case, it's your thoughts that are causing the feelings of wanting to self-harm (BDD, in your case, which is cognitive) you may find a lot of benefit in doing CBT. The last time I was in the hospital they drilled it into our heads. Controlling how you think to control your emotions to control your behaviour. I never did CBT for my self-harm, my psychologist I found because she was specialized in DBT instead. But I never went through that either.

[bambino]

Thank you. Again I've changed my mind. I'd decided to go to one CBT appointment and one ED and try and feel which one would be more beneficial.
I guess it is my strange thought process that ends up in SH etc. But I did try a short course of CBT when I was younger and it was terrible. But maybe that was the counsellors..it's very hard to tell. I felt totally let down. I'm only just prepared to try it again, most of the time they just don't seem to give a fuck about you.
Wish me luck.

thanks for the input