EarthToBryan
September 3rd, 2011, 08:15 PM
I have a bit of a situation. I want to drop all of my honors classes, drop my two APs and just coast in the easiest classes available. I have been taking the hardest courses available, working very hard (for years) against my recently diagnosed ADHD that has yet to be treated, and chronic depression. I got a 5 in the AP I took last year, and A's in all of the other classes, but now I am very burnt out. I feel like I can't go on any longer, to the point I have been skipping school and just sitting in my room, in the dark, and listening to sad music. I am in the top 10 students in my school, so this is a very alarming thing to me.
I have moved around schools (the one I am currently makes my 11th...) all of my life, searching for a school that could facilitate my above average intelligence (not too easy in hickville). This, and the hell-hole house in the middle of the woods my parents have cage me in, have caused me to never develop any friendships, and has lead to my social anxiety and awkwardness. During parts of my life I went 5 months at a time without talking to anyone other than my immediate family. Every time I had a promising acquaintance I would become very clingy and suffocate them with my desperate attempt at friendship. This cycle has lead to me being very cynical and misanthropic, almost dead inside. (and very depressed, I can't shake the feeling that my isolation, caused by my intelligence means that I am responsible for all of my problems and misery)
The only thing that has ever kept me going is my love of learning, I focused all the energy usually spent on sports, or friends on learning as much as I could. It has literally been my only hobby for years. However, I have ADHD, so getting along in school has been awfully difficult for me. I racked up 10-15 missed or late assignments a month since about 5th grade, but maintained an A grade by sheer determination and intelligence. As school has gotten harder, so has coping. With this year's (sophomore) work load I am cracking under the pressure. So far this year (1 week) I have missed 5 assignments, and my new teachers all think I am a lazy moron. I am considering dropping everything I have worked for so far and taking it easy until I have figured out my emotional issues. I just can't take the pressure and expectations as they stand now. I either am too depressed to do anything but sit im my room and cry/ think about how depressed I am/ think about how I have no one in the world I can call a friend/ become depressed thinking about how I screwed myself up so badly, or I do all of the work but lose it ADDing out.
I know that dropping these classes is pretty much kissing my hopes at good college->Good Job->marry->kids->retire (what's the difference between Harvard and UC Berkley, or U of Illinois or any OK school in the longrun anyway. Other than prestige, and the opportunity to be a pretentious douche?) that I am looking forward to oh so much goodbye, but I can't stand this workload and pressure anymore without going off the deep-end and doing something drastic and stupid (not going to be suicide, trust me, but I don't know how I can keep going forward)
I need advice, how can I drop my classes? What other things can I do. I am up against a wall and none of my options are appealing. Can I take time off to sort myself out? The AP courses won't be doable with a long absence, missing one lab is bad enough. I don't know what to do.
I feel like I am at the breaking point. :(
I have moved around schools (the one I am currently makes my 11th...) all of my life, searching for a school that could facilitate my above average intelligence (not too easy in hickville). This, and the hell-hole house in the middle of the woods my parents have cage me in, have caused me to never develop any friendships, and has lead to my social anxiety and awkwardness. During parts of my life I went 5 months at a time without talking to anyone other than my immediate family. Every time I had a promising acquaintance I would become very clingy and suffocate them with my desperate attempt at friendship. This cycle has lead to me being very cynical and misanthropic, almost dead inside. (and very depressed, I can't shake the feeling that my isolation, caused by my intelligence means that I am responsible for all of my problems and misery)
The only thing that has ever kept me going is my love of learning, I focused all the energy usually spent on sports, or friends on learning as much as I could. It has literally been my only hobby for years. However, I have ADHD, so getting along in school has been awfully difficult for me. I racked up 10-15 missed or late assignments a month since about 5th grade, but maintained an A grade by sheer determination and intelligence. As school has gotten harder, so has coping. With this year's (sophomore) work load I am cracking under the pressure. So far this year (1 week) I have missed 5 assignments, and my new teachers all think I am a lazy moron. I am considering dropping everything I have worked for so far and taking it easy until I have figured out my emotional issues. I just can't take the pressure and expectations as they stand now. I either am too depressed to do anything but sit im my room and cry/ think about how depressed I am/ think about how I have no one in the world I can call a friend/ become depressed thinking about how I screwed myself up so badly, or I do all of the work but lose it ADDing out.
I know that dropping these classes is pretty much kissing my hopes at good college->Good Job->marry->kids->retire (what's the difference between Harvard and UC Berkley, or U of Illinois or any OK school in the longrun anyway. Other than prestige, and the opportunity to be a pretentious douche?) that I am looking forward to oh so much goodbye, but I can't stand this workload and pressure anymore without going off the deep-end and doing something drastic and stupid (not going to be suicide, trust me, but I don't know how I can keep going forward)
I need advice, how can I drop my classes? What other things can I do. I am up against a wall and none of my options are appealing. Can I take time off to sort myself out? The AP courses won't be doable with a long absence, missing one lab is bad enough. I don't know what to do.
I feel like I am at the breaking point. :(