Food issues and confusion

[mcsmate]

I'm confused as to what this is (or is classified as).

So I wrote a post on here about the potential EDNOS I have, and kept updating it when there was something else that came up. I don't know if it is still here or what is up with it.

I am eating somewhat normal amounts but track every calorie (and if I don't know the calories I estimate than they may be) and always know that I need to burn off what I overeat. Lately that limit has been 750 calories. If I eat over that, which I am allowed to do, I just have to burn off everything after that. I hate that the number of calories I have to burn off is growing. And that I cannot go to the gym this week. I hate that so much. I don't particularly like to go but I know I need to go.

I know it sucks to be this way.

But I need and want to get smaller and I know this is a factor in it. It is the main factor that makes me think this is an eating disorder. I have been like this for almost two months now.

What makes me think it's not is that fact that it is combined with all of my emotional stress. There is a lot going on, more than I feel I can go into detail on here, but it is really weighing me down. A lot of it is dealing with one of my other brothers, one of the best people in the world, who has anxiety and stress and is panicking about things. I know that if I lose him I will spiral downhill and lose it. And so, not eating and losing the weight, is a way to "ruin" myself, in some sense. If I do this I can gear myself up for the pain to come and hurt myself before others do.

So that form of "ruining" myself, is like a form of self-harm. So then it might not be an eating disorder in that sense.

I don't know what it is and am sick of wondering why I am the way I am. I am at a normal weight, though at the lower end of what is normal for my height (but my BMI is fine). I just don't know anymore.

I told myself I was going to get better for my two other brothers, but I am not so sure I can do that anymore. I didn't even want to post this but I am doing it anyway because I had to get it out here. And I like hearing your thoughts and opinions. Thanks.

[crazyhyperway]

im going to guess that your 17 and a 17 year old is supposed to have between 1,800 and 2,400 calories a day.

I don't know how old you are but 750 cal. is not enough by any means. I suggest talking to someone. If you just simply cant try sending in a question to www.teenshealth.org

I have never used it before, but try it out and send them a question under eating disorders. No harm in trying.

[mcsmate]

I am actually 20, going on 21 in November.

I know how many calories I should be having. I always look that type of stuff up. But I am not going to let myself have that much.

It is almost 5pm here and I have only eaten 120 calories. I am going to dinner now and know that I am only going to eat fruit. I know this is bad, but it is what I have to do.

[AppealToReason]

I am actually 20, going on 21 in November.

I know how many calories I should be having. I always look that type of stuff up. But I am not going to let myself have that much.

It is almost 5pm here and I have only eaten 120 calories. I am going to dinner now and know that I am only going to eat fruit. I know this is bad, but it is what I have to do.

Why do you believe this?

[crazyhyperway]

I am actually 20, going on 21 in November.

I know how many calories I should be having. I always look that type of stuff up. But I am not going to let myself have that much.

It is almost 5pm here and I have only eaten 120 calories. I am going to dinner now and know that I am only going to eat fruit. I know this is bad, but it is what I have to do.

Then I suggest you talk to someone about it bc you are not having enough.

[mcsmate]

Why do you believe this?


I just hate the way I look and the way I am. Some of this is my bad perception of myself. The other part is me hating myself so much and using this as a way to self-harm. I have a low pain tolerance but this is something I can handle. There is a lot of emotional stress going on in my life that I can't quite handle. A lot of things with my family/friends, my senior year of college just started, and I think I may be getting depressed again (though I was never actually diagnosed with depression, but was depressed for about four years after I turned fifteen and some heavy stuff went on in my life). There is just a lot going on and I don't want to get hurt by anyone else. I just can't do it.

So this is something I need to do. It's so I don't get hurt by others and in the end I can feel good about who I am.

[mcsmate]

So I have gotten to 350 calories today (eating salad, fruit, very little pasta, and tofu for the two meals I had - lunch and dinner). It might end up being more, around 600 if I eat again (gelato, as my brother wants some and I might have to get it, since I am going with him so he can get it), which I hope not to. And I am not ready to see anyone about this (or any of my issues for that matter). I just can't. One day I may be able to open up to my two other brothers, who I tell most things to, but for now I just can't.
I don't know what's going on with this. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't understand it, at all.

[crazyhyperway]

Well, since im no expert , I still think you should tell it to one of your brothers (since you seem close to them.

thats all I can suggest

[mcsmate]

Well, since im no expert , I still think you should tell it to one of your brothers (since you seem close to them.

thats all I can suggest

Thanks. Maybe one day I will be able to. But right now I am not sure if I can.

Also, one of my brothers said that with the three of us (him, my other brother, and myself) can tell when something is wrong and it hard to keep things form each other. But they have not noticed anything. I guess I am pretty good at hiding this. I just don't know if I can tell them yet. But I will see.

[crazyhyperway]

Ok, I hope you get better.

P.S They will eventually find out