Almost cut again.

[Megson]

I haven't cut myself in years. Not since seventh grade, and now I'm in 10th.

I was just doing the dishes, and a lot of stress and crap has just been piling up on me lately, and I picked up a serrated steak knife to put in the dishwasher. Well, once it was in my hand, I couldn't think. I wanted to cut so badly, more than I have in a long while. I even had the blade pressed up on my skin. I had full intentions of cutting. The only thing that made me stop was the fact that my brother was walking into the kitchen.

I promised myself I'd never cut myself again. I've been doing so well at resisitng. But I almost did it! I didn't even realize I was that upset and stressed out... I can't go back to cutting, though...

Moral support, please? I think I really need it right now...

[ShadowGirl]

Wow, that's very impressive that you haven't cut in 3 years! Congrats on that! Please, please, please do not start cutting again. Remember how hard it was to stop cutting? Do you want to do that all over again? You are strong enough to overcome this addiction. You can do it!

[xdancing_for_rainx]

First, I suppose- it's great you've gone so long without cutting! That's a huge accomplishment :) I'm sorry things have been a little more rough lately. It's good you were able to put the blade down instead of using it, even if that was only because your brother walked in. Like ShadowGirl said- it may help to remember how hard it was to quit cutting the first time, and know you don't want to go through that again.

You're doing wonderfully! Keep it up- I know you can get through everything without cutting. Hope you're doing alright, and hang in there!

[Bound To Happen]

It's wonderful that you've gone so long without cutting! I just want you to know that I can totally relate. I haven't self injured in six months. Three years is a long time. You should be proud of yourself you've had the strength to go that long. It's not an easy thing to accomplish.

Anyway, just try to have positive thoughts. It helps me a lot. Listen to music that makes your mood better. Or, next time you really want to cut, de-stress. Go take a hot shower. Go for a run. Call a friend. Something to get your mind off of cutting. Just remember that you're stronger than this, and you can resist cutting. You don't need it. Just think of how much you'll be so much better off not cutting. Don't let all your hard work go to waste!

[Megson]

Thank you...

I managed to resist the urge last night. I took a shower and listened to some of my favorite music, and that calmed the urge a little. But now I have a little mark on my wrist where I pressed the knife to my skin. Its fading, but it keeps reminding me how much I want it...

[xdancing_for_rainx]

Keep going(: It's great you were able to resist the urges last night. I'm sure you'll be able to do the same today. Are there other ways you can use to keep from harming yourself?

[ShadowGirl]

Cover up the mark if it makes you want to cut. Either wear a bracelet or long sleeves or try to hide it with makeup.

[Megson]

Cover up the mark if it makes you want to cut. Either wear a bracelet or long sleeves or try to hide it with makeup.

I wear wristbands every day, so it helped..

But tonight, resisting didn't work so well. I cut my shoulder, not deep, it didn't even bleed. But it left a mark. A couple little slashes above my sleeve-line. It'll take a little while to heal, and I'm afriad someone will notice them.

Not to mention I feel like a failure now.
I thought I was feeling better today. Guess I shouldn't have assumed I could handle being around that stupid knife...

[fenrirdies]

Something like that happen to me when washing dishes, I had the urge to slit my throat with the knife I had washed. It was weird because I don't usually have that kinda feeling without a reason.