>.<

[Evrythng_im_not]

It has recently come to my attention, though I should have realised it before, that my self-destructive behavior is exeedingly painful for others to see or know about. I've made my ex cry, and another girl cry, because of what I do. I hate knowing that I hurt them, and that I continue to hurt them. I don't really know what to do anymore. I don't know why I keep doing this. I really don't. I try to stop, but it's become an addiction for me. I recently broke down and told my school counselor about it... he said I needed to get proffesional help or he'd have to call my parents and tell them. I avoid him like the plague now.

This isn't so much as a cry for help, as it is an apology. I know I caused some people on here to worry about what I was doing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. I honestly didn't expect any of you to give two shits about it. Just read it and reply telling me it's not worth it, but no. Someone here actually bothered to IM me and talk to me about it. That person bothered to get my phone number and call me when I told them I was going to slit my throat. Someone did care.

So I'm sorry for worrying anyone. I'm going to try to get help. I'm going to do what I can to stop this. I don't want to die so young, well, I do. But not like this. Not knowing that I caused atleast one person to shed a single tear over my worthless body.



Thanks, though, for those of you who haven't completely given up on me.
I'll do better, I promise




I, Sara Elaine, will live a full life and be happy. And NOT kill herself

[thesphinx]

Good for you!
you are doing the right thing.
you are on the road to recovery now.
im truely happy for you :)

[Maverick]

I'm really glad you got the help you need. It's a big step to make a realization like you just did now. That is so awesome you fill that way and I hope it continues.

[Bobby]

This might be the biggest step in the road to recovery. Realizing that you need to find help. Bravo! I hope you continue to turn things around :)

[Everglow]

I will never give up on you! I am so glad that you are willing to try to get help. Please know that I will never abandon you! I will always support you and your journey to recovery. I will be there with you through it all, in mind and in spirit. Feel free to contact me at anytime!!

Your grateful friend

[Kuraudo-sama]

I recently broke down and told my school counselor about it... he said I needed to get proffesional help or he'd have to call my parents and tell them. I avoid him like the plague now.
Good thing I never told anyone about my problem. I knew that would happen even if they promise to never tell anyone, I knew it would happen. Thanks:D , now I know that telling a counselor is not an option. This is a load off my mind.
But I'm glad your doing this.

[Sapphire]

It's really good that you are getting the help you need. That is often the hardest bit.
Lots of Luck and Stay Strong! :)

[product_of_my_parents]

great job on getting the help you need! i hope things get better for you!

[*lynn*]

great job sara! i am so proud of you! i think you know that too. i am glad that you are getting the help that you so desperately need, and i am glad that you are still alive. that makes me happy for you.

the road to recovery is long, and it's hard, but you can do it. and i know that because you stepped up and admitted that you had a problem and needed help, and that is ALWAYS the hardest thing to do. trust me, i know. but i am here if you need anything, i hope you know that. PM or IM me anytime!

lynn

[terith]

Great job Sara :) Keep up the good work :P

and you know,i never gave up,or will never give up on you

[Evrythng_im_not]

Today was the first day in months that I wore a short sleeve shirt in public... quite interesting. I like the feeling of being able to do that. Granted my arms really aren't the greatest things in the world to see at the moment, but I'm getting there. I know I'll be beautiful again someday.

[*lynn*]

i remember the first time i wore a short sleeve shirt after my cuts had healed and all the scars were REALLY visible...it was maybe a couple of years ago...it was definitly an experience for me...i got looks and whispers and some people actually came up and asked, and that was tough to deal with at first. but after a while, i think for me, it was knowing that i had gotton over what i had done to myself and i was ready to face my past and live through and beyond my mistakes. it wasn't who i was anymore, but where i had been. like a journey of sorts.

but i'm glad that you had the courage to do this. congrats to you! and you know what? you are beautiful now. our history and past may be ugly, but that doesn't make us ugly. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! tell yourself that everyday, over and over whenever you think of it. you'll be amazed that gradually you'll start to believe it. it might take a while because your mind will fight it, but eventually the words you're hearing yourself say will win out and you'll start to believe.

congrats and keep up all this wonderful work sara!!! :)

i'm proud of you!

[Evrythng_im_not]

oops... slip up v.v

[Ironic Infidel In England]

what did you do?

[Everglow]

dear...are you ok?

[*lynn*]

hope everything is okay...!

[Evrythng_im_not]

Just a few on my leg v.v Damn it >.<

[Evrythng_im_not]

If it's not too much if anyone reads this by tonight, can they talk to me? I'm feeling kinda depressed v.v
Sara is: presently presenting signs of suicidal tendencies and impulses v.v

[Everglow]

Not a problem Sara. You have my IM..I'm looking for you

[terith]

ill talk to u,just get on aim and i will lol :P keep up the good work

[Sapphire]

Slip ups are a dreadful part of the road to recovery. The key is to force yourself to look at the period of time you went without cutting and think "Wow, I went __days without injurying myself." Do not be fooled, it takes a strong person and a strong will to take the first few steps.
Add me on msn and we can chat on there if you want x

[*lynn*]

sara...

i hope things didn't get too out of control last night for you...it's hard to tell since i am a million states away (more or less) and we are only talking on AIM...just know that i am always here for you when you are willing to talk and to get some help.

i hope today is a much better day for you and that you keep holding on tight to the belief that you can beat this. take care!

lynn

[Bobby]

You can't look at the slip-ups as "Ah damn, I slipped". You have to look at it as "What can I take from the experience, to make sure I don't do it again".

[Evrythng_im_not]

My mom found my razor. I'm royally fucked if I cut again

[*lynn*]

i'm glad she found it. now i hope that she can keep all other razors away from you. look at it this way. now it'll be harder to cut or give in to temptation. this is a good thing. hope everything else is going okay!

lynn

[Kamloops.man]

I know this is off topic but slip-ups happen to everyone and it just happens.. Just think of it as a reminder of how you really want to stop. Eat pineapple if you're not allergic to it or don't like it. The stuff in pineapple helps scars go away.