Syvelocin
August 27th, 2011, 11:07 PM
I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't stand this. Even now when I have a bit better of an appetite, I guess out of habit, I get anxious about people knowing I'm eating when I'm choosing to eat. I don't have the issue when, say, someone has cooked food for me and it's at a proper meal time, I'm told to eat, and I'm fine eating around people. But when I choose to eat, regardless of how much I've eaten that day or what it is, I'm really secretive about it. I don't like things that are cooked in the microwave or stove because the timer makes noise and anyone in the house could hear the beep when it's finished and know that I'm eating something, or things that makes noise when you eat it or open it. If someone comes into the room while I'm eating I'll hide it wherever it can't be seen. And if it has a wrapper, I don't throw it away in the bin in the kitchen, but I get rid of it right away, or at least try to bury it under other trash.
And this has gotten bad enough to the point where I've left banana peels hidden in places, trash of the sorts hidden there. My routine when I was living with my parents, I had a late meal then hid any trash behind the sofa, then come down when everyone was asleep and get rid of it. The only issue became that my dad didn't really understand, but would scold me for leaving empty boxes in the cupboard and I found that sometimes he would notice and pick up the trash so when I came down later, a wave of embarrassment would wash over me when I saw it was gone and he knew I ate something. He never caught on though, and would never just let me do my thing. Everything gets thrown away eventually, it was definitely not a matter of laziness. But a lot of my little quirks due to mental illness were never understood by them, unless the parent experienced that. My mum was sympathetic with that part, and she understood it too, but she used to be bulimic before she had me, and my dad doesn't have any experience with eating disorders. At least now, I'm living with my girlfriend, who has overcome anorexia and I find it so much easier to live with someone to whom you don't have to explain any of it.
And this has gotten bad enough to the point where I've left banana peels hidden in places, trash of the sorts hidden there. My routine when I was living with my parents, I had a late meal then hid any trash behind the sofa, then come down when everyone was asleep and get rid of it. The only issue became that my dad didn't really understand, but would scold me for leaving empty boxes in the cupboard and I found that sometimes he would notice and pick up the trash so when I came down later, a wave of embarrassment would wash over me when I saw it was gone and he knew I ate something. He never caught on though, and would never just let me do my thing. Everything gets thrown away eventually, it was definitely not a matter of laziness. But a lot of my little quirks due to mental illness were never understood by them, unless the parent experienced that. My mum was sympathetic with that part, and she understood it too, but she used to be bulimic before she had me, and my dad doesn't have any experience with eating disorders. At least now, I'm living with my girlfriend, who has overcome anorexia and I find it so much easier to live with someone to whom you don't have to explain any of it.