Mother is 'slightly' homophobic

[OptimusPrime]

Well when I was last dating a guy my mother found out and whilst she couldn't do anything about it she was just slightly homophobic by saying it's not normal etc and really just putting me down.

Now I want to have advice on if I go with another guy should I tell her or shouldn't I or should I not even try with another guy? I want my mother to be happy because I get really cheap board here; and I'm 19 so she really can't do anything about it but I want me and her happy with each other.

[christcenteredlife]

well number one, her saying your being with another male isn't natural, doesn't make her homophobic and the names, depending on what she was saying, may have been out of fear and not homophobia.

second, you should stay honest with you mom. don't lie to her, that will cause more issue's in the end. not only will she be against who you're seeing being cause gender, but because of lies.

my foster parents have several rules, and certain ones for their biological kids when they grow up beyond 18. if they are under their roof, they are to abide by those rules, and out of respect that should be done without argument.

i'd suggest speaking with your mom and letting her know how you feel and more about what is happening with you. then maybe she won't feel so blindsided.

[AltoVaughn]

I disagree with Kai, Saying that's unnatural is homophobic. I do however agree you shouldn't keep it from her (You really shouldn't have to,) If that's all she does being with a guy you like is worth the insults. You can get away from her as soon as you can and not have to deal with it. Remember you're an adult, and you deserve to be happy.

[Donkey]

well number one, her saying your being with another male isn't natural, doesn't make her homophobic and the names, depending on what she was saying, may have been out of fear and not homophobia.

How can it be out of fear but not homophobia?

Homophobia is the phobia of homos.

To be homophobic is to be fearful of gays...

[Love.Hate]

There is nothing wrong with who you are, she just needs to accept it. So when you get with another guy tell her, she needs to come round to the realisation of it and not push it aside. If she loves you, she will make herself understand.. its a weird concept for some parents, but if it makes you happy they will one day accept it.

[christcenteredlife]

How can it be out of fear but not homophobia?

Homophobia is the phobia of homos.

To be homophobic is to be fearful of gays...

not a fear as in, i'm going to become you or you're a sicko. it's an unknowing fear. being unknowing and fearful about something, doesn't make you a homophobic, it makes you ignorant. now if she becomes educated and has the same view point there are some differences at that point.

as far as thinking homosexuality isn't natural, that's not being homophobic at all. that is a position of belief.

ho·mo·pho·bi·a   [hoh-muh-foh-bee-uh] Show IPA
noun
unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality.

disagreeing with homosexuality and whether or not it's ok or any of that, doesn't fit the definition of homophobia. it's not an unreasoning fear. i know many people who don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle, but spend tons of times with homosexuals treating them as if they were your "typical" person (and they are typical people). so basically, we need to learn the difference between homophobia and ignorance. calling people homophobic's because they don't understand, just isn't right in my book.

[Donkey]

I feel that homophobia is always ignorance. I don't think any homophobic person fully understands and empathises with the needs and feelings of a homosexual. I understand what you are saying though: people need to be educated, or they will continue to be ignorant. I agree with that.

Bringing this back to the thread, I wonder if Aaron has talked to his mother about homosexuality and attempted to educate her on the feelings and needs of homosexuals. Perhaps she does not understand that it isn't a choice and that you are the same son she always had.

[OptimusPrime]

There was a gay guy parent show on TV and she said "I can't be bothered with that rubbish"... Now I feel even worse.

[Kujiro]

I agree with jon and kai to different extends,
It does seem that your mum is alittle ignorant and thus being unable to accept certain things.
If you want her to be happy, and happy yourself, it's best that you are able to educate her on the aspects, else it would be a viscous cycle.

Although she will be forced to accept it over time, but in order for her to understand, you need to explain the emotional aspect, rather than the assumed sexual aspect.
This fear occurs due to stereotypical bullshit and the defacto standards of a male/female relationships.

It will too take time for her to understand, but it's for the best she sees it the right way.
Patience and perseverance are the keys to success.

*smile*

[SilentKillah]

You're right that she can't do anything about it since you're 19, hell, my mom can't do anything and i'm 16 cause I live with friends, Anyways, you should try telling her, but tell her slowly. Don't randomly be like "hey mom, I'm dating a guy" that will NEVER go over well. If she makes you feel bad about it, then you got no choice other than to not tell her stuff like that. Sooner or later she will learn to accept you.

[OptimusPrime]

She might not be bothered for my rubbish.

[BiBoy5674]

i'm sure she is just worried for you! although i don't know.

[Syvelocin]

Please do not bump old threads. :locked: