Is this a normal feeling? (girls and guys opinions welcome, please)

[chris1231]

You guys ready for a fun post? Okay, great, because you're all in for one. First off, am I going to kill myself if I don't get this problem solved? Of course not. I'm not in dire need of relationship advice, but I'd like to get some things cleared up and taken care off.

A little bit about me first off: I'm a pretty flirtatious person. I am very serious when I need to be, but in casual situations I fool around with my friends, flirt a little bit with girls, and have a good time. I always promised myself that I would NOT date or have a relationship with a girl in high school, and that I would save it until college or after college, because I planned on using what years I had left as a child to have fun. If I get a girlfriend? More responsibility I don't need, more drama I don't need, and then I'm stuck committed to one person. I've been asked out 4 times in my life, so I'm not saying this because I can't GET a girlfriend. I'm saying this because I don't WANT one. Let me say that again: I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND. And that's my problem. That's what I need help with understanding.

Well, there's this girl. Me and her are very good friends. Best friends? Of course not. But I've told her many times that she's a very good friend, and she's said the same about me. I'd stand up and fight one for her. I've always really liked her as a friend, and my number one goal at the end of this thing is to keep her my friend.

Well, about 6 months ago, I started to like her. Was I deeply in love? Nope, but I said to myself that if I ever end up with one single person, it would be her. Well, when she started dating Boyfriend Number 1, I suddenly got jealous, and I went through a phase when I was hell bent on saying something to her. I almost told her I liked her on the last day of school this past May, but thank god I wised up.

She broke up with Boyfriend Number 1 at the end of June, and all of her friends were mad at her for doing that. She even told me I was the only one of her friends that didn't give her a bunch of crap for doing it, and I honestly felt like I should have said something about my feelings for her then, but of course I didn't say anything. Did I mess up? Yes. I regret it big time, because now she's dating Boyfriend Number 2. He's 19 (she's 15), and he has told her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. At this point, I wanted nothing more to be with this girl and be able to call her mine.

And this was the situation I was in from June until about a week ago. Now? I've had a change of heart. This is where it gets really interesting.

I realized that I was going against myself. I promised myself that I would not devote a bunch of time towards a girlfriend until after high school, so about a week ago I told myself to stop dreaming. She's a really good friend, and I'm risking messing up a good thing if I ask her out. I told myself that it would be simple: Just stop thinking about her, think of her as a friend, and move along with you life in the devil-may-care, who gives a crap, typical teenager attitude. Well, that would have been all well and good, except now I can't get her out of my head.

I've come to the conclusion that the only way to get her out of my head and move this chapter out of my life is to tell her how I feel about her. But how do I do that? The way I see it, I have 3 obstacles holding me back:

- She's my friend, and I am risking messing up a good friendship.

- She has a boyfriend, and I am risking looking like an ass if I tell her now.

- I don't want to date her. I just want to tell her that I like her.

I assume this has been done before, but I've never seen it. It's always the happily ever after ending. I don't want a happily ever after. I want to tell her how I feel so I can move on and feel better about myself. Because what I've mentally and physically gone through in the past week has sucked.

So I have four questions:

- Is my situation normal? To like a girl a LOT but not necessarily want a girlfriend?

- How do most girls react when you tell them that you like them, but don't want to date them? I imagine I don't want to use those words, but what do I say?

- She's my friend. If I tell her I like her, will that end the friendship? I'm speaking generically. I know all girls are different.

- Do I wait until she's broken up with this dude?

[screamtobeheard]

You asked a fun question, so I'm gonna give you a fun story. I'm just like you. In fact, as far as relationships go, I am pretty much a female version of you. Flirty. Looking for fun, but no relationships until after my "childhood" is over. But, alas, I met a boy. About 7 or 8 years ago. And I've like him for at least 7 years. I've known it, but I refused to admit it to myself. I like him, but I didn't wanna date him. I went two years without seeing him, and I realized that I still liked him, even after that. I knew he must have dated other girls, and I saw his prom pictures with pretty girls. And I was jealous as hell. I wanted to know what the hell was wrong with me. This wasn't who I am. But you know what? He asked me out. And I weighed my options. Live with the fact that I like this boy more than I can imagine, or swallow my pride and go out with him. We've been dating for two and a half months, and in all honesty, I was shaky for the first full month. I still have those thoughts, "Oh my god, I cannot do this. This is not me." But I'm happy now.

That being said, we are not the same person, and your situation is different than mine. Remotely similar, but different. So here are my answers for your questions:

- Yes. Your situation is normal. A lot of guys and girls feel the same way as you.

- In all honesty, a girl is probably gonna be kinda pissed if you tell her you like her but don't wanna date her. I've no idea how you'd go about telling her that, but I'd ease into the subject to avoid anger.

- No, liking a girl will not ruin your friendship with her, even if she knows it. I'm friends with at least four guys who like me and I think of them the same way and treat them the same way as I would otherwise. I have friends who are the same way.

- Yes. Wait until she breaks up with her current boyfriend to tell her you like her, or someone will likely end up very angry.

[christcenteredlife]

that is completely normal! i like girls, a lot, but i have no desire for a girlfriend. that's too much trouble right now with all i'm doing in school. i mean, i'm in all ap classes and also in sports, i have zero time for a gf.

i'd probably just stick to letting her know you like her, as friends. i wouldn't say you like her more and then say, but, i'm not interested. i'd only let her know that part if she approaches you.

liking a girl doesn't have to ruin your friendship, but it can. jealousy, angry, and resentment can cause issue's. so be aware of how you approach the situations and handle them as well.

if you choose to tell her you're into her, i agree with the other guy, wait. don't put her in a position of having to choose, just in case she'd rather be with you.