Question for girls (guys can answer too)?

[aperson444]

Yea, so I'm sure a lot of guys have asked this question, but I guess I want to ask it again. It's a bit vague I know, but bear with me.

So I'm 15, and I'm a guy. A lot of guys my age have girlfriends (obviously) and get laid, but I'm always the outlier. See, I'm really awkward, awkward enough tlo be classified with social anxiety and depression due to how awkward I am. I only really got into a circle of friends by chance. I have a hard time talking to other guys, much more with girls. I've never had anything remotely close to a girlfriend for that reason. I can't even approach girls really. But given that, I'm going to ask these questions. How should a guy approach and talk to a girl? If you were in a relationship and you wanted to try having sex, how would you ask, or how would you prefer the guy to ask?

I guess what I'm really asking is: a) When a guy approaches you and has genuine interest in you, what do you prefer him to act like? and b) If a guy who you like and likes you wants to have sex with you (casual or whatnot) then what do you ideally want him to say to bring up the topic?

Thanks and sorry for how clusterfuck and hard to read that is!

[HAWAiiAN 808]

One thing i can say is that having a girlfriend at a young age shouldn't really be important to most teens. Instead of trying to get a girlfriend, you should actually be going out and meeting new people. Most kids now try to get into a relationship at a young age, but most don't last past high school. I was one of those people who had girlfriends at a young age, and i can tell you firsthand that what i did was not the smartest thing. Instead of going out with friends and having fun, i was to occupied with dating and i missed out some pretty important stuff. But here is one thing you should ask yourself. Do i want a girlfriend because i feel ready for one, or do i want to date and get a girlfriend because i feel like i need to? Most teens want to date because they think they need to because everyone else is dating, but thats why most relationships in high school dont last long. And i'm not gonna lie, i was one of those people when i first started high school.

But back to your questions. If you want to approach a girl and talk to her, you gotta be confident in yourself. Also, you have to know how to hold a conversation because you cant expect the girl to be starting a conversation and you are just answering her. And you also have to just be yourself, even if you are awkward. I know some girls who like when guys are constantly making conversations with them, but i also know girls who like the shy-guys because they find it cute when they try to talk to them and they know that the guy isnt used to that.

And your second question about asking a girl to have sex if you were in a relationship is a little awkward. I dont if most guys ask their girlfriends to have sex, but i never do that. If you are dating a girl, then having sex is probably the last thing that should be on your mind....except having a baby. I find it kinda rude and weird when a guy asks a girl to have sex because it shows he is mainly thinking about sex at that time, instead of focusing on his girlfriend and living life. But in my experience, some girls i dated actually liked joking around about sex and were very open to it, but i never asked them to have sex whenever i wanted. I would let the girl tell me when she is ready because i think girls have more of a emotional connection during sex then guys because they have more of a intimate feeling than most guys.

[aperson444]

Ah I see. I've never given much thought to having a girlfriend really, not that I don't want to. I just have very, very few resources. I never really saw a massive point in it. But a lot of people have sex at one point or another. How exactly does it come up? It can't be that everyone gets laid for the first time at a drunken weekend party. I don't really have a lot of friends either, just my tight circle. I've heard of the whole confidence thing a lot, and I've evenn applied it. I just talk really weird. I'm always thinking about what I have to say next, and I sort of get slow. The conversation then dies out and doesn't go anywhere. With guys I can just say "Oh well, fuck I'm tired, I'm gonna go to class and sleep now". I'm that comfortable. This is not so with girls.

[HAWAiiAN 808]

Well from the girls i usually flirt with, they actually bring up sex first and not me. But i guess if you wanted to have sex with your girlfriend and she was ready, you could probably give her little subtle hints. Also flirtatious talk usually works if your girlfriend likes to talk with you about sex or whatever. And like you said that you mostly are in a tight group of friends, that is completely fine. But after a while if you want to start talking to girls, you will eventually have to mingle with more people so people get to know you personally and not as "that kid". And most guys have a hard time talking to girls. The easiest way is either when you are by a girl you like or in class, give her compliments like "oh, i see you got a new haircut. It looks nice on you". Just by small compliments like that, it will let the girl know that you noticed her change in appearance and you like it. When i was in 9th grade, i was pretty shy so i only hung out with my group of friends. But now, i'm really well-known in my school because i play a lot of sports and in a lot of clubs so i can basically walk into any group or clique and still talk with everyone without a problem. All it comes down to is networking. To get people to notice you and want to become your friend, you gotta get out and meet with people who you thought you would never hang out with. After that, you might see that a lot of people have the same things in common with you.

[aperson444]

I'm afraid that if i just say "Oh you look nice today" and stuff like that, I may come off as creepy and get weird looks or something. Even if I won't, I have to overcome that personal barrier. I'm not really in any sports, and I'm not in really popular clubs, though I may start one if I see enough interest. The network in my school is very separated. There are pretty much two sides. I am in the "group" that bridges these two sides. I hate categorizing people as cliques and the such, but basically I mix with two groups on opposing sides of the divide. The stoners/stonerish kids and the "Indians" (I'm Indian). However because of that, I have a hard time deciding which side of the divide to mix with. It's an either/or situation. This isolates me, because I'm "in" that grey area right in the middle, making me a mystery kid to people outside my "group". I have very little of the time resource (I got a lot of stuff I'm already doing, including work). I have to figure out a way to work around the social structure. It's not like your cliche hierarchy or anything, just a very divided network with detractors and indifferent people on either side.

[AmusedDJ]

yeah im akward to where i cant talk to girls if i like them or if i know they like me. and im usually the oudsider of the friends too

[AmusedDJ]

oh and i live in oregon too!!! =P

[aperson444]

Haha hit me up dude. But yea the whole confidence thing is an issue. There are different kinds of confidence really, some come off as cocky and some don't. I'm starting to think that I'm overthinking this, but then again I was almost diagnosed with Asperger's, so I'm sure that I'm a tad more awkward than the norm.