Ex-Gf problem, Need help.

[HAWAiiAN 808]

About 3 years back, i wanted to go out with a girl that i knew for a while. I asked her if she wanted to go out, and she said that she wanted to wait for a while because we have been friends since 5th grade and she didnt want anything to ruin our friendship since be basically told each other everything. So i told her to take as much time as she needed and i would wait for her until she was ready. After about 4 months, she finally said she would want to go out with me.

The first 10 months were good, until i started going out with my buddies to house parties when she knew there were going to be a lot of girls at the parties. I told her if she wanted to go to those parties with me, but she always said "no, i trust you that you wont do anything you will regret". But after everytime i called her when i got home, we would always start arguing because she said she knew that i was cheating on her because her friends told her that i was hooking up with girls at the parties. Then one time my friend told me he was going to have a party, i made sure that he invited my gf's friends to the party, but i was going to stay home that night so if they told my gf i was cheating on her, i could actually have proof that they were lying that i was cheating because i wasnt even there. That same night, her friends actually told her i went to the party and hooked up with a girl, so she came to my house and was yelling at me. My mom came outside, and told her that i had been home all night and was doing my homework. She left and i could tell she felt bad that she thought i would do something to hurt her. The next 2 months, i didnt go out to any parties so she would be happy and i could spend more time with her.

Then about 2 years after we were going out, i found out she went to a guy's house that i knew from a different school and they hooked up but didnt have sex. I confronted her about it nicely, but she started yelling at me saying "why did you have to go snooping around for? Why, dont you trust me". That whole day, i was just being calm and cool but she would just continue to get me mad and i couldnt talk to any girls who i normally talk to in school because she would think i'm trying to hook up with girls. So the next day, i went to her house to talk to her. After a while, i told her that it just wasnt working out because we keep on fighting with each other and nothing is going right anymore. But instead of saying okay, she basically got really mad. That resulted in her grabbing a glass cup, throwing it at me which shattered on my back, and her throwing a chair at me and got bruising on my ribs. I called the police because she kept on trying to get me to hit her, but i would never do that. I filed a police report with my parents in which i got a temporary restraining order against her until the end of the school year which was a 4 months away.

Then About 3 months ago, i seen her at a party and we basically ended up hooking up and spending the night at her house because her parents left for 2 weeks to go to new york. The next day, she told that she was really sorry for everything that happened before and she wanted to start fresh. I said okay, but she told me that she wanted to go back out but i told her that i just didnt think it would work out ever since she basically attacked me and the injuries i got made me miss my entire season of football because my doctor and trainer thought my injuries were going to affect my playing. She then started to cry because she told me that i was her first serious boyfriend and that she lost her virginity to me, which i never knew because i never thought it was important to ask if she had sex before because i didnt care about it. I tried to comfort her and make her feel better, but she just told me to leave and she said her friends were going to come over and talk to her.

Then about a month ago when we started school, she has constantly tried to ask me to go out with her, but i keep on telling her that i'm just not ready to date anyone because its my senior year and i'm trying to keep myself concentrated on my work and my football session. But even when i seen her at a party last week, she tried to get me to go with her to her house but i left early because i didnt feel like staying there anymore.

I need advice on what other people would do because even though i kinda have feelings for her, i know we wont work out because of what happened and i know that if i do go out with her and then break up, she might do the same thing or even worse. I just need help on what i should say to her that she knows i am serious and i dont want to go out, but i still want to be friends. Sorry for making this so long, but as you people can tell, this has been going on for a long time and is pretty serious to me.

[LifeisLife]

Ouch. :/ That seems painful. Have the things recovered fully yet? That's kind of psycho. It's good you reported it to the police.

I've kind of been in the same situation, was good friends with someone, big fight, she wants to talk but I don't anymore and I got it through to her I think, I haven't heard from her in about 4 days now. :) I told her that I was just so sick of her and that I'm done with her. ANYWAYS, enough about me. Just tell her what you said here! You said you wanted to concentrate on football and on your work in school, she's got to respect that. If she doesn't just wait until the schoolyear is over, it's just one more year, she can't constantly keep it up at asking if you want to go out with her, that's impossible for a whole year. Just wait that year if she doesn't respect you not wanting to go out with her because of your history and go to college/university. It's not like she'll stalk you into the same college/university right?

[HAWAiiAN 808]

thanks for such a quick response. Yeah, it healed completely, but their is still a scar on be back from a piece of glass that got stuck and i had to get stitches. And there is a permanent black bruise on my left rib that is this there, but my doctors said it is okay but it will probably never go away since the leg of the chair hit my hard. And yeah, thankfully before i walked into the house, i already had the police on speed dial because i kinda knew something was going to happen.

And yeah, i told her that it was completely done, but she doesnt want to believe it because she thinks we can make it work. And i told her that i am concentrating on football and my classes, but it is getting hard because out of the 5 classes i have now, she is in 3 of them and she is on the cheerleading squad so i see her everyday at practice. I try to ignore her at practice but whenever we go to drink water, she stands next to me and starts talking to me. And when we are leaving and i am driving home, i notice her walking home by herself and i cant stand seeing people walk home alone so i of course give her a ride home. But i even told her friends that they need to all get off my back and mind their own business because they ask me that she wants my back and we make a good couple. And i always tell them "if we are such a good couple, then why did i have to go to the hospital and miss a whole season of football because of her?". And she already knows that right after school, i'm heading straight to basic-training for army, but she keeps on saying "oh, well, it wont be that long. i can still wait for a few months". And a lot of my friends tell me to just ask a guy to ask her out so i can get away from her, but i dont want to do that because i respect her to much to do anything like that to her.