divorced parents...

[sarah14]

do you think it is right after you are married and split up to get married again.... i think no becuse my father cheated on my mother.... now he wants to date again and he asked my why not ... what should i tell him/?? i need ur help ... fast!!!!!!!! :(

[ImCoolBeans]

my parents are divorces, they split up when i was 8. now i'm 16. my dad also cheated on my mom like yours did. really sucks but life goes on, both of my parents have been with the same people since i was 9-10, and i wouldn't want it any other way, why shouldn't they both do what makes them happy?

[sarah14]

i dont want my dad to date anyone cuz im still in the point where it felt like he has hurt me maybe even more than my mom... hes been having afairs my hole life and now when i ask him not to date anyone for a few years .. he goes behinde my back and does things with MARRIED wemon... i might have felt differnt if they wernt married... i dont want him messing up another family...

[christcenteredlife]

you have to remember, it's your dad's life. yes, it affects you, and i'm sorry for that, but in the long run, he's the adult.

[sarah14]

he sure isnt acting like one...

[sarah14]

i swear hes a little kid in a grown mans body with a gigantic brain full of gross things ... yea... ewww!

[ImCoolBeans]

even if he doesn't act like an adult, when it all boils down to it he is.. adults can kinda do as the please. it blows

[sarah14]

it really does!!!! like i always say.... turn it up tune um out!

[Love.Hate]

Maybe he has changed? I see what you mean. It wouldn't be fair for him to go and do that to someone else. But we all deserve happiness and maybe you parents just weren't happy. I believe that you can re marry. Honestly when my parents spilt up I hated marriage I hated the thought of them ever having to do it all again with someone else. But now both my parents have found other people and are happy. I think they deserve happiness :)

Would you not want your mum to re marry then?

[Lia11]

My parents divorced about a year ago. It was "over" for a long time before they really split up, and several months before my mom had even moved out of the house she had a boyfriend. It felt incredibly weird to me...

Now, my mom had kept it from me for a long time, and they had attempted to keep from me that they were splitting up for a long time, but I knew. That was almost worse.

I think your dad's probably just going to end up dating, but it's still nice that he's asking your opinion. Maybe you could just tell him that if he's going to anyway it's alright, but it still feels really weird to you to think about that, and you'd prefer it if you don't have to meet/know much about his lady-friend until you feel more ready. That should be very reasonable.

I hope that helps and everything works out well...

best of luck

x
Lia

[sarah14]

thanks guys :) .... this is just one more problm to take care of .. its never gonna slow down i guess :(

[Kujiro]

My natural parents we divorced when I was 5 going 6.
I personally am adopted.
My dad did not cheat though, neither did my mum.

Morally what your dad did was wrong, but rationally if the partner is not ideal, it's better to cut the chase and it would be happier if both went separate ways.

Attachment and falling in love never has the right answers, it's about giving it a try, falling, learning a lesson and trying again.

The only mistake I would see is, he took the vows alittle too early before knowing she was the one.
In turn a rippled effect has caused unhappiness to others at present.
But don't forget, regardless, you dad used to love your mum as she was the best in the world.

There is nothing you can do, it's his life and it's entirely his jurisdiction, he has to answer to his actions.
Just like us, we all have to take responsibility of our own decisions. Not just the good ones, the bad ones as well.

Good luck
*smile*

[sarah14]

My natural parents we divorced when I was 5 going 6.
I personally am adopted.
My dad did not cheat though, neither did my mum.

Morally what your dad did was wrong, but rationally if the partner is not ideal, it's better to cut the chase and it would be happier if both went separate ways.

Attachment and falling in love never has the right answers, it's about giving it a try, falling, learning a lesson and trying again.

The only mistake I would see is, he took the vows alittle too early before knowing she was the one.
In turn a rippled effect has caused unhappiness to others at present.
But don't forget, regardless, you dad used to love your mum as she was the best in the world.

There is nothing you can do, it's his life and it's entirely his jurisdiction, he has to answer to his actions.
Just like us, we all have to take responsibility of our own decisions. Not just the good ones, the bad ones as well.

Good luck
*smile*

ok first of all my mother did nothing wrong... my father has been cheating on my mother sence i was born ... he wasnt there for my birth ! and second my mother didnt even know what was going on at that time... he may not have ment his vows but my mother did! so dont tell me "the partner is not ideal"... my mother tryed her best to raise me and my sisters ALONE while he was off whorin around! she was the parent.. she deserves us .. he has done nothing in my life to show he loves me the way my mother has! ... my mosther tried her best to keep the fact my father was horrible from us.. hes a pig and he dosnt deserve me! no matter what i do il never be good enough for him .. just like my mother wasnt ... he may say he wants us .. but once he has you he will twist the story and smash u into a billion peices! why cant anyone understand this!!!!!!!!

[sarah14]

.... im sorry ... i didnt mean to take that out on you .. it just happened .. sorry

[christcenteredlife]

we can't understand it, because we aren't in your shoe's. we can only attempt to understand by our situations and feel for you.

[sarah14]

i know i regret everything i said in that post.. i wasnt thinking...

[christcenteredlife]

from the overflow of the heart speaks the mouth.

don't regret or feel sorry for what your heart feels. just try and phrase it better next time. don't beat yourself up over it.

[sarah14]

ok....

[Kujiro]

Firstly, use the edit option to add post, do not double post.
2ndly not much use apologizing after doing something, it's alright anyway.

Kai is right, we are not in your shoes to see what you see, we only analyze based on what's given, I'm sorry to say but it can be a biased perspective.
As you see the question you post is if he's right or wrong. It's opinionated in nature, if you are unhappy with him, any form of advise would not change your perspective of him.

In fact we are not even trying to deviate that perspective that you have. We are looking at things in a vantage point, I understand you mum has struggled much. Neither did I say he deserves you.

We are just saying let him be, leave him alone if he's an eyesore. You are not the one that has to answer for his actions from the start.

Good luck
*smile*

[christcenteredlife]

Firstly, use the edit option to add post, do not double post.
2ndly not much use apologizing after doing something, it's alright anyway.

Kai is right, we are not in your shoes to see what you see, we only analyze based on what's given, I'm sorry to say but it can be a biased perspective.
As you see the question you post is if he's right or wrong. It's opinionated in nature, if you are unhappy with him, any form of advise would not change your perspective of him.

In fact we are not even trying to deviate that perspective that you have. We are looking at things in a vantage point, I understand you mum has struggled much. Neither did I say he deserves you.

We are just saying let him be, leave him alone if he's an eyesore. You are not the one that has to answer for his actions from the start.

Good luck
*smile*

well put

[Efflorescence]

Attachment and falling in love never has the right answers, it's about giving it a try, falling, learning a lesson and trying again.

Yes, in theory that is what is supposed to happen...but in practice people DO NOT LEARN the lesson.......
The divorce rate for first marriages in America is about 50% whilst that for second marriages is about 67-70%......
Some say that most second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience and personally, (I'm sorry to say) but I completely agree.
Things tend to get more complicated during second marriages...stepparents, stepkids, half-siblings, stepsiblings, blended families, resulting in more pressure and confusion for everyone.
However, I agree that although it sucks, there's nothing one can do about it except move on and use it to help you grow and become stronger.

[Carlyle]

well if he has cheated on her, its really wrong that he did and to say he wants back with her may mean he is sincerely sorry, or not. It is hard to tell.. If it hurt your mom badly, then you have every reason to tell him you aren't completely comfortable with it and that you hate seeing her that way. but as stated by others, he is the adult so what you say won't really affect his choice unless he cares about you. my parents are divorced too.. divorced while I was 4, I'm 13 now. Use to want em back together, now I want them as far from each other as possible.