Naomi's Story

[Spook]

So...I don't really know where to put this...but

My best friend Naomi had a sort of phase in the past year. As a younger kid, Naomi was skinny. But as she grew up and was old enough to stay at home, her mom got a more out-of-the-house-job. Naomi had to eat things like pizza and freezer food every night because her mom wasn't around to make dinner. She went through several years like that. When she was 10, she started getting into the phase where she was concerned about her looks and weight. At 10, she was 100 pounds. She went from 100 to 114. Finally, she decided to lose weight...though she was a healthy weight for her height- 5 feet 2 inches. She worked at it...and though I didn't know at the time...she started throwing up. She didn't do it purposely, but her body started rejecting food. She told me later on, she had to carry around a paper cup to vomit in. Over several months, she dropped from 120 pounds to 80 pounds. She lost around 40 pounds in 6 months. She was very underweight at 11 years old, 5 feet 2 1/2 inches. She was so skinny, her arms like sticks. Over the past few months, she has raised her weight to 90 pounds. I was so scared and concerned for her, but she pushed it away or got angry when I mentioned it. When I told her she was starting to look dangerously underweight, she just yelled at me and refused to believe it. Even today, she looks in the mirror and asks if she looks fat. I don't know how to tell her that she is beautiful. She is a wonderful person, inside and out, and I never want her to hurt herself again. She is 11 and going to middle school now, and the teasing and fear about her looks is only going to increase in the judging environment. I want to assure her that she is beautiful and not to let anybody else tell her otherwise..but I just don't know what to do.

[Hanyo]

You could bring it up to her mom and ask her mom not to reveal that it was you who pointed it out. Your friend is definitely showing the classic signs of anorexia, so that has to be it, but it sounds like she's already in pretty deep so its hard to know how to help without getting her PO'd to where she just shuts you out.

But definitely take action. Friends help each other with the important things, even when its hard.

I say to tell her mom because that's her mom's job to solve, not yours. You're doing your part by telling her mom who is more in a position to do something real.

Finally, be quick about it. These things only get harder to solve over time not easier, so the longer you delay, the harder it'll be to undo the bad stuff.

[Kaceyford]

Wow only 11? When I was younger my dad whose a doctor took me around a ward that had drug abuse problems to bulimics. Well after seeing that I kno I'll never do anything like that. Wat you friend is doing can become a habit, especially since she's not a teen yet, try to maybe bring her to your house and eat dinner there, balanced diet works wonders, do wat u can do, intervention can help, help her now before it's too late I can't tell u of all wat happens to bulimics

[Spook]

Thanks for the comments. :)

@Hanyo- Her mom knew. Her mom is always away and doesn't really take time to care. This was more of a rant because the bad part is over, but I still can't stand when she looks in the mirror and says bad stuff about herself.

Also, yesterday, she finally admitted that she really never was overweight, and she also admitted to bulemia. She has gotten so much better. :)

[Sogeking]

:arrow: eating disorders

Since you'll get more relevent answers there.

[Love.Hate]

You really need to try to get her mom to take her to the doctors, bulimia is serious. As are all eating disorders. I guess I don't have much to say other than, you need to keep her spirits up. Tell her how amazing she looks, tell her she is beautiful and one day she might start to believe it. She needs all the help you can get, because 90 pounds is still underweight and if she spirals out of control again it could be fatal. The poor thing :( keep looking out for her :hug:

[Amaryllis]

You can't miraculously cure her eating disorder but what you can do is be there to urge her towards recovery and stand by her through recovery. Share this story with her as well.

I developed anorexia at 13. It all started out as me wanting to lose some weight. I just wanted to be "slightly" underweight. Of course, Ana started controlling me and soon I was hooked. I dropped to 50 pounds.

I was hospitalised and force-fed. I lost all my friends. They'd given up on me. I was so obsessed with food, calories and exercise. Nothing else mattered to me. Singing used to be my life and now food was and admittedly, still is. It was the worst thing that'd ever happened to me. Worse than depression, wore than self-harm, worse than my mother. People called me names and stuck notes in my locker calling me the "Ugly Anorexic" and the "Skinny Bitch".

By then, I didn't sleep. I couldn't. So at 2am in the morning, I would be pacing up and down the corridor, burning calories. I was so obsessed, I didn't even let myself sit. I spent my 14th birthday exercising and crying because I ate half a slice of my birthday cake.

You cannot stay with your eating disorder forever. You will die. There are only 2 choices in bulimia and anorexia, death or recovery. There was no pain greater than my body eating itself, grasping on to the few drops of life, trying to survive. But i didn't let it. I couldn't. I wanted to be free of my eating disorder but it was like quitting drugs. Hard. Painful. Impossible.

My hair fell out, it's still terrible to this day. My eyes have been permanently wrecked and I am now in constant pain and I'm afraid I always will be. I destroyed myself. You don't have to. She doesn't have to.

She needs help. But most of all, she needs to want to recover. She needs to want to be free. In the end, nobody can help her except her. Recovery is possible. I'm getting better. I think I already have. Slowly but surely, it'll be a rocky road but it's possible. Does she really want to live like this forever? Does she really want to be in this hell for the rest of her life? Skinny isn't worth the consequences. It isn't worth your life.

Here's a link to a thread I wrote on recovery. It's quite lengthy but... It might help her. I hope it will.
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=110035

Love,
Faith And Trust