I can't do it anymore

[HeartCoreHannah]

I went to school today thinking I was starting off with a completely new slate. Everything was going to be fine and nobody was going to say anything to me.. I walked past a group of people and they yelled "pig" at me. I looked at them and smiled, but it destroyed me inside. My mom came and got me early for my therapist appt. I told him what happened and we talked about it. He asked if I had cut lately and I told him "no, but I really want to now" He just kept saying not to let those idiotic kids ruin all my hard work. Guess what? I came home, and cut. Cut for three hours straight. I felt so amazing after. The most amazing high, better than any high you can get off a drug. Now my entire fucking body hurts, I'm still bleeding, and I failed. And to top it all off, I let them win.. Again. I hate myself. I just need to die to get it all over with. I can't go back Monday, I just can't. I need pills, a gun, poison, anything. Please, just get me out of heree.

[christcenteredlife]

death isn't the answer. i know it seems it is, but it's really not. it's a permanant solution to a termporary problem. i'm very sorry what those kids called you. and i'm sorry to ask this, but what exactly is cutting? the self multilation kind? where you actually cut the skin?

[Princesskay]

Hannah I think you need to ignore those ignorant people and keep calm and just hang out with your other TRUE friends and not let them get to you AT ALL. And, you need to stop cutting yourself too....THATS NOT GOOD. :( And yes kai i do agree "DEATH IS NEVER THE ANSWER" because God gave us the "GREATEST GIFT OF ALL" which is "LIFE" and don't try to take that away from you again. :) Be happy and PRAY.

[HeartCoreHannah]

death isn't the answer. i know it seems it is, but it's really not. it's a permanant solution to a termporary problem. i'm very sorry what those kids called you. and i'm sorry to ask this, but what exactly is cutting? the self multilation kind? where you actually cut the skin?

Yes, I actually cut my skin.. What exactly else is there to cut on your body? :p

Hannah I think you need to ignore those ignorant people and keep calm and just hang out with your other TRUE friends and not let them get to you AT ALL. And, you need to stop cutting yourself too....THATS NOT GOOD. :( And yes kai i do agree "DEATH IS NEVER THE ANSWER" because God gave us the "GREATEST GIFT OF ALL" which is "LIFE" and don't try to take that away from you again. :) Be happy and PRAY.


Thanks.. I'll try to stay positive.

[StoodAlone]

Ignore them, try and block them out yes if you have to cut but don't let them win. I know it seems hard now but try to stay positive and the most important thing stay ALIVE

[anonymous53]

Hannah, these people seem horrible. You don't need cutting to make it through though. Can you try something else? Like running etc.
Have you reported them to try and get it to stop?
Also talk to your parents about online school if the bullying is extremely bad.

[HeartCoreHannah]

Hannah, these people seem horrible. You don't need cutting to make it through though. Can you try something else? Like running etc.
Have you reported them to try and get it to stop?
Also talk to your parents about online school if the bullying is extremely bad.

Yes, my mom has went to the police and everything. They have threatened to kill my over Facebook, ect. My mom is in the process of suing the kids, the school, the principles, the Board of Education, and The state Board of Education. I tried killing myself last year because of them, and nothing was done to any of these kids. Even after I was committed into the hospital and my mom took all the evidence to the police. I can't do online home schooling because the guy who is ahead of it, will not approve me for it. He told me I had to suck it up and deal with these kids. So they only way I can get out of the school, is by moving.. So it's not too easy right now.

Sorry for this being so long.

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

Wow Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Kids at school can be awful. I should know, they forced me to drop out. But you know what, dropping out didn't make it any better. Instead, I just felt defeated. I was always the smart one that everyone expected to get A's all the way through to University, and it felt as though the other kids took that away from me.

I know that right now, walking into school seems like the hardest thing in the world, but I promise you, your future is going to be so much brighter than theirs. People who go through hardships early on in life shine so brightly when they make it through, because they need life to be better. People who have always had it easy, lots of friends, never get picked on, they're happy with their life now and never aspire for more. One day, they are going to be the people who wash your car or fetch you your lunch, wishing that they were more like you.

Always remember that those of us on here love you without even knowing you, and will always be there to talk

:hug3: Stay strong girl

[anonymous53]

Yes, my mom has went to the police and everything. They have threatened to kill my over Facebook, ect. My mom is in the process of suing the kids, the school, the principles, the Board of Education, and The state Board of Education. I tried killing myself last year because of them, and nothing was done to any of these kids. Even after I was committed into the hospital and my mom took all the evidence to the police. I can't do online home schooling because the guy who is ahead of it, will not approve me for it. He told me I had to suck it up and deal with these kids. So they only way I can get out of the school, is by moving.. So it's not too easy right now.

Sorry for this being so long.


It's okay for it being so long, I was in the same situation.

Look for online charter schools in your state. They're public schools and required to accept you as if they were any other public school. Most are tuition free.

[StoppingTime]

First off, if they threatened to kill you before, then it must be reported to everyone you can think of. And as for those kids, just don't let them get to you? Have they ever even met you? Do they even know who you are? Even though this is probably the hardest thing to do, walk past it and try to forget it, there is nothing they can say that should ever want to make you feel like this.
As for cutting to make you feel better...

I have never cut, so I can't say I know what your going through but..
If there is anything you can do besides that, then try it. Hang out with friends, run, do anything thats you like.

[bambino]

Keep going hannah.
I believe in you, don't let those idiots get to you. i cant stress how ridiculous they are.

I got bullied quite a lot through school [I'm now in college] about my body...my face..how pale i was..how weird i was- you name it. They'd terrorize me about it. But I am so so much stronger because of them, if i had the chance i would thank them- all of them, and genuinely mean it. Because without them I wouldnt be able to empathize and understand people the way i do today, i wouldnt be as strong or kind.

You had a slip up, but forgive yourself and move on- try again.

Everyday spent not cutting is a victory over them.
Every day is a fresh start.

[Muridaee]

I went to school today thinking I was starting off with a completely new slate. Everything was going to be fine and nobody was going to say anything to me.. I walked past a group of people and they yelled "pig" at me. I looked at them and smiled, but it destroyed me inside. My mom came and got me early for my therapist appt. I told him what happened and we talked about it. He asked if I had cut lately and I told him "no, but I really want to now" He just kept saying not to let those idiotic kids ruin all my hard work. Guess what? I came home, and cut. Cut for three hours straight. I felt so amazing after. The most amazing high, better than any high you can get off a drug. Now my entire fucking body hurts, I'm still bleeding, and I failed. And to top it all off, I let them win.. Again. I hate myself. I just need to die to get it all over with. I can't go back Monday, I just can't. I need pills, a gun, poison, anything. Please, just get me out of heree.

First off, I know just how this feels. You wake up, tell yourself everything is going to be great, pump yourself up and all that. Then some jerks come along and with one word can blow everything up.

And it doesn't really work to hear "just don't let them bug you" because how do you do that? It's like one therapist told me to say 10 positive things about myself for every negative thing. It works, kinda, but after doing *that* 10 or more times in a day, it kinda gets to you that, gee, I'm doing this all the time! Maybe their right!

But, Hannah, they aren't right. And death isn't the answer. Growing up and getting away from the jerks is. Have you seen all these it gets better videos going aroun for gays? They really apply to eeryone who gets bullied and put down.

I read in a later note your mom is doing a lot to get things fixed. I hope it helps and works out.

When I end up cutting, it does feel great at first. I think that's kinda like drugs or drinking. but afterwards, i just feel like shit. So yeah, don't want to do it, even if I do want to do it.

Hang in ther, I'm with ya.

[LittlePaperStars]

I'm so sorry to hear what these people are doing to you- it's really not fair. :(

If it helps, I've been called names in school, and jokes were told about me. I wanted to cut, really badly, but the day passed and they forgot about it. and while I was still heartbroken about it, I talked to my best friend for along time about it. She helped me out so much and even got my mind off of it.

I think you should surround yourself with your best friends, or even try talkign with a teacher at your school. You should talk to your mom...usually when I report somethign like that to my mom, she goes straight to the principle and demands that those kids be suspended or that somethign should be done about it.

Stay strong- PM me or email me if you ever need to talk, okay?
xx