5 day streak- ruined.

[LittlePaperStars]

Kay so I cracked. My 5 day streak was ruined yesterday. I went shopping with my mom and we stopped by the bathroom...and I took out the blade and split skin on my thigh...I didn't know it'd be this red.

Anyway, mom saw it and got upset. She doesn't understand how hard it is to go a few days without it and relapsing. She said she does coz she had a brother who did it. But she didn't go THROUGH it.

All this to be said, she wants me to go to a therapist. I didn't wanna tell her because of this. Cutting is a touchy subject for me to talk about with anyone who doesn't get it at all...so how can I talk about it with a nosy stranger?
I'm scared and upset with myself for cutting again. I'm a failiure and I feel liike such a mess up.

[StoppingTime]

First off, that doesn't mean that you failed. For you, five days sounds like it was an accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself for making it that far.
Second, I can't say that I know what you are going through (never cut), but I will try to give some advice.
First, if you really think you can go clean without the help of a therapist currently, then I would try to tell your mother. don't bring it up all the time, but enough for her to know that decision is bothering you.
Although, if she allows you to not go to therapy now, but you find your condition worsening, then I would think twice about seeing someone.
Good Luck to you :woot:

[LittlePaperStars]

Thanks dude, I think I'll use that little bit of advice you offered.
I appreciate it. :)

[xktx]

i think you'd benefit from the help, i know a friend who used to cut terribly, she was anorexic and had bipolar, after therapy shes better, not always 100% but shes gone now 1 year without self harm and shes eating again. Although they may not have been there... they know what theyre talking about <3 x
But well done for lasting five days. xxx

[xktx]

dont beat yourself up, we all slip up and its a difficult thing to stop xx

[bobby1273]

First off, did you really fail or did you just set a new target to beat? 5 days is really good, well done! (its the furthest iv got in a while so i know how hard it is to get to)

Also what harm could come out of trying therapy? you could just try it once, if you like it and it helps go again; if you hate it and its not useful, tell your mum that's how you feel about it. If there's a chance it could help you stop SH then is it worth it?

[Amaryllis]

You haven't failed, sweetie. You don't fail till you quit trying. "Ruined" is if you jump off a 20 story building and die. (Don't do that) But honey, you're doing so well. Just pick yourself up and keep going. And you don't know. For all you know the therapist might have been an ex-cutter. Or even if he/she isn't, they could help. Give it a chance. If it really doesn't work after -at least- 3 sessions, then tell your mother. But things aren't instant. Recovering takes time. So keep going and good luck. We're here if you need us.

Love,
Faith and Trust

[love is louder]

well done for your 5 days! i know how had it is i decided i was going to stop a month or so ago and i have just reached my 6 days. its a brave learning curve when you start going for days. you just need to start living from day to day and set yourself little targets. so you went 5 days this time. right so next week try 6?

[morbidmonkey]

for me, i find it easier to talk to a complete stranger. I've never been to a therapist about my cutting. You should at least give it a try, it might help

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

Well first off, I think that a great big congratulations is in order for you lasting 5 days without it! :clap: That is an achievement and don't let the fact that you relapsed ruin that. I for one have never been able to last that long and you should be proud of yourself

Secondly, I wanted to tell you that you shouldn't just write off going to a therapist. I was really scared and reluctant the first time I went but it was really easy. They already knew that I was uncomfortable talking about these things because my doctor had told them so instead they gave me some questionaires to fill out and then we went over them. She was really sympathetic and understanding about my self harm (and wearing long sleeves like me in high summer which made me curious) and everything else. Therapists have been through extensive training and will have seen really bad cases. I don't know what it is you have been through but I think most therapists are pretty unshockable no matter what.
Besides, most things like that you can have one trial session before setting up a bunch of appointments. If you don't like it, then you don't have to go back... But really, what is an hour to try it in the long run? It might just work.

Good luck and if you ever need to talk, feel free to get in touch :hug3:

[LittlePaperStars]

*tears up*
Thanks so much, you guys; I'm so glad to have support like this. I've been thinking for a while...my friend who's been to a therapist, knows what it's like and she said it really helps alot.
I think I just needed to know from someone's experience, you know? So next time mom brings it up (probably on Wednesday this week; we're going to my doctor), I'm gonna see how it helps...
Just a question for those of you who have went to talk to a therapist: Do they judge, at all? I think that's mostly what I'm scared of.

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

Just a question for those of you who have went to talk to a therapist: Do they judge, at all? I think that's mostly what I'm scared of.


No, don't worry they don't judge. Mine was a little shocked but I live in a small town and she was just out of training! But judging? No, no way. Thats what I was scared of too but honestly, there is nothing to fear :) Good luck!

[princessjess]

well first i wanna say great job on going five days!(: thats really great, but no. you are not a failure. i know how hard it is to stop, and how it feels, just stay strong. what is helping me to stop is thinking of how it hurts the people i love everytime i cut. maybe try the butterfly project to help? it helped me(: good luck!(:

[NightFighter]

Hey, like everyone else on here, i'd just like to say congrats on keeping 5 days away from self harm! How are you planning on rewarding yourself? because i think you should. I know its hard. Its addicting. It a demon that wont go away. If you keep resisting for however long you can, you will get away from it eventually.

If your mum if offering you a therapist then hey, a bonus!, you get to speak to someone who is nonjudgemental, not involved with your family, not allowed to spread your secrets to neighbours about your problems! If it doesnt work out then atleast you tried. Would you rather live knowing that you got an extra hand in beating this addiction and it didnt work or you never tried getting help for yourself at all? Its very, very, very difficult to get over something as serious as this without help so if you are offered it then honestly, grab it with both hands! It wont make matters worse.

Unfortunately, i never got the chance to go to a therapist. However, i know that they are trained to provide a non-judgemental service to eventually help their patients. You will not be that therapists first, or last, case of self injury. You do not need to worry about being judged. The worse case senario is that you dislike your therapist; so change them. Its all about what helps you the most. You need to form a bond with your therapist in order to totally trust them with your deepest secrets. I guess what im trying to say is 'shop around.' There isnt any pressure on you to instantly like (or dislike) your first therapist. Please, just feel privileged for getting the chance of getting one.

Self harm isn't something that will go away in a year or two. Dont expect miraculous results. Dont expect it do be easy. You need to be prepared for a fight against yourself to achieve a self harm free future. You might stumble along the way but it'll be worth it eventually. Trust me. You'll love yourself (and even your scars!) when you look at a sharp object and the first thing to come to your mind isnt to cut yourself with it and you know the blade has been dropped for the last time!

Be excited.

Your future starts now.

Take care

x