The Two Faced Cutter..

[NobodysCupOf Tea]

People who have known me for a long time would say I'm a bubbly girl. Happy. Has her friends, her family, her music and is generally a positive kidda gal.

But over the past 10-7 months I have fallen into the greatest depression I have experienced in my little life and taken to cutting.

When i told my parents they thought it was for attention. With other members of my family saying 'this isn't who you are!'... But what if it is?

What if this is the person I've been repressing all my life, that I mask it with the persona of a bubbly teenage girl. What if I'm both? Does it make my cutting any less valid.. Am I not aloud to be depressed somtimes? Or maybe I have two faces.

The one I wear on a day to day basis, the happy funny family girl who like to spend time with herself... And the face I wear when I am by myself. When I let down my Walls and just BE ME. An emotionally crippled, self conscious, self hating, lazy cutter.

Anyone know where I'm coming from?

[DoctorWho]

Have you had any problems with your parents. Fighting, Rejection

[dontcare97]

I get completely what your saying. I'm not the brooding emo outcast. I'm the big, happy, say it to my face cause I said it to your's, geeky, anime loving, do what I like kind of person. It's not the real me.

You have every right to be both because there is no both. The two different parts of you aren't two unconnected, separate beings. It's all you. Your bright, bubbly emotions and your more emotional, cutting side are intertwined.

[senior.2013]

Correct. Do you feel more comfortable with your cutting persona or your enthusiatic teen side? The more comfortable you are with one, the better it may be. But what I think I am hearing is their becoming one by drifting apart.

I put this on all my posts because I mean it with my heart: You have plenty of people on here who are more than happy to help you. Ifall you need is someone to listen, I'm here. My email is under my contact info and feel free to click it any time.

[Aubrie]

I know exactly what you mean. My mom said the same things that you family did.

Everyone is depressed sometimes - it's a fact of life; you have ups and downs. But when those downs lead to cutting, you need to get help. I know it's scary to ask for help, but sometimes you have to. I was able to stop without professional help (I saw a therapist once and never went back), but instead I talked to a trusted adult and some friends. This could be a better option for you if you're too scared to ask for professional help.

You should sit your parents down and explain to them what cutting is and what it isn't. There are many misconceptions about it. If you can't talk to them, then try writing a letter. Tell them how you feel, why you do it, etc...just go into as much or as little detail as you'd like...

[TrAnSMaN09]

i kno the feeling Hun, when im alone, i cry, i want to cut, i wanna feel the pain, but when im out with everyone im perfectly happy, but alone, means depression..

[SilenceForSilence]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel very much the same way.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

As with other people, this is me too.

I appear to people bubbly, happy, loving life, but deep down inside, I really don't, I cut, it's a struggle, and like you, no one listens or takes me seriously.

I have actually asked myself a lot of the questions you've asked before.. Am I a depressed person with a happy mask on, or am I a happy person with a depressed mask? The answer is well.. I don't know. I wish I did know. It makes more sense to be depressed with a happy mask.. but you could be happy and want to appear depressed.. Though that doesn't make any sense to me..

[love is louder]

dito! although its getting harder and harder to keep the first personality going some times

[bobby1273]

Yeah i know where your coming from. No one who knows me would guess i selfharm and iv asked myself so many times which side is the real me etc.