Debt among other things

[ExhibitG]

I needed to rant, and I usually don't but I feel the need to today. Me and my dad don't get along well at all. He's just stubborn, rude, angry all the time, and won't see eye to eye. It's just his way or no way. And today my mom and dad had a bit of a financial argument over something rather small. And he makes stupid assumptions about everything (and he won't face the truth that he does). So he left to go somewhere, and my mom told me in confidence that she's about $4600 in debt and he doesn't know about it. And now I'm just freaking out about it because if he ever finds out I don't know what he'll do. And I think everything is just building up and I'm a nervous wreck right now and I just want everything to be okay.

Any advice or anybody in a similar situation?

[Kujiro]

$4600 is quite a huge debt, but it depends why was the debt incurred.
Certain debts are incurred due to household, or normal day to day maintance.
Which is normal, and definately requires both the support of you dad and your mum.

But for instance, if the debt was incurred due to entertainment, inclusive but not limited to, gambling, clubs, or any other materialistic needs.
I would not be too surprised that your dad got furious too.

If your mum is confident in confining in you, you can actually ask her what happened and how it came about.
It will be alot eazier for you to help if she is to come clean.

That figure is not a small amount, and it would take me awhile to save up; considering my crazy spending habits.

What you should do and can do, would be to speak to your mum, find out what happened, and finally to your dad.
Regardlessly it is something that has to be resolved as a family, even if hes is very dorminant, has a huge ego , and a typical male chauvinist.

There were times when he was still sweet, loving and caring.
Else i'd doubt your parents would have a relationship till now.

Talk things out, and there no need of rash actions.
Theres a way out to everything, iron it out with patience and with family harmony as a goal.

Good luck
*pats*

[ExhibitG]

thank you but i think you may have misunderstood. my dad does not know about the debt. my mom is working on bringing it down, but my dad would flip out if he knew about it. so we aren't telling him.

and the debt was not accumulated through any bad spending, but rather just normal spending. like if she didn't have cash on her for grocery shopping, she'd charge it. over and over.

also, $4600 really is not a ton of debt lol, especially compared to a lot of other people i know. but it's enough to create somewhat of a sticky situation.

[AltoVaughn]

I don't even know him and I hate your father. If your mother can't even talk to him about something like debt then why are they together. He sounds like a controlling ass and I have nothing but sympathy for both of you.

The idea that the Man leads the house disgusts me. It's supposed to be a team effort between your parents.

[Kujiro]

thank you but i think you may have misunderstood. my dad does not know about the debt. my mom is working on bringing it down, but my dad would flip out if he knew about it. so we aren't telling him.

and the debt was not accumulated through any bad spending, but rather just normal spending. like if she didn't have cash on her for grocery shopping, she'd charge it. over and over.

also, $4600 really is not a ton of debt lol, especially compared to a lot of other people i know. but it's enough to create somewhat of a sticky situation.

I understand that your dad does not know about it.
Yup, i was worried it was snowballed because of bad spending, but its good that it is not.
All the more it can be discussed as a family, i'm sure he is not really that unreasonable. And all things can be ironed out.
Although 4300 may not be alot, but i'd agree it will be enough to get into a rather sticky situitation.

So how is your mum going about reducing the debts?

[ExhibitG]

she has stopped charging stuff and she's taking a little bit out of her paycheck each time to put toward the debt.

and to AltoVaughn, yes he is a bit of a control freak and does make us very nervous. but at the same time he can be nice like he's willing to do whatever it takes to maintain a roof over our head and things like that. he's just extremely old fashioned and it gets very tough to live with him in times like this and in many other situations.

[AltoVaughn]

she has stopped charging stuff and she's taking a little bit out of her paycheck each time to put toward the debt.

and to AltoVaughn, yes he is a bit of a control freak and does make us very nervous. but at the same time he can be nice like he's willing to do whatever it takes to maintain a roof over our head and things like that. he's just extremely old fashioned and it gets very tough to live with him in times like this and in many other situations.

Old Fashioned, .... Ugh.. *shutter*

[Kujiro]

I believe dad used did not use to be like that,


in fact most of our rents, became this way because of our paying bills, cleaning our clothes,
and listening to how cool we though we were.
From 11 lessons of life


Maybe at times its good to look at things in their position.

[DerBear]

I think she needs to tell your dad about this because putting a bit of her paycheck into the debt will stop the debt but she will end up with a ton of intrest

Also its better for her to tell your dad as if he finds out from someone/something else then i am afraid that will make it 10x worse

[Nicky97]

This is a problem between a man and his wife. Apparently both have shortcomings (who doesn't). It's a shame that they involve the kids in it. What do you do? Make sure you don't add to the family stress, and give some thought to what you do if it takes a turn for the worse. Protect yourself. You are the one here who is blameless.

[LaxFB3]

If your dad is, like you said, nice sometimes and would do anything to keep a roof over your heads, then it might be a good idea to let him know about the debt. Also, depending on your age, you might be able to small jobs or even work at a fast food place or something like that