At my limit.

[Lethe]

I'm at my limit. Lately I've been so irate and angry and irritated, little things just set me off and it's killing me.

I'm 149lbs right now. I lost a few pounds, but it isn't enough. I can't even see a difference! Let's not even get started on my ugliness—even losing a few pounds couldn't fix that. But I was at least hoping I'd see a little difference in myself...maybe what little curves I have would stand out more, maybe my legs and arms would be slightly slimmer, maybe my face wouldn't be as pudgy and gross, maybe I wouldn't have as much fat on my belly.

Well, I have none of that. There's almost no difference. Losing 6-8lbs did absolutely nothing. And it makes me want to kill myself. I want to be anorexic-thin. Being that thin would be better than being what I am now. I want to be so thin I can just fade away and I wouldn't stand out so much as being the biggest, widest, ugliest thing at school and out in public. But even losing close to 10lbs couldn't help me with that! If that won't help, what will? Will being 20lbs underweight help or no? I just don't know what to do. I'm absolutely at my limit. I want to die. Really, honestly, I do.

I want a boyfriend. I want some friends who actually enjoy being around me. People say it's what's on the inside that counts, but that must be bullshit because no boy wants to date me despite being friendly, happy and helpful at school, and even my close friends don't seem to even want to work with me. I don't get it. Am I that ugly and fat and disgusting as a human being I'm not worth even looking at or being around?

I'm worthless. And I always will be, no matter how much weight I lose. Why not just die?

[judahtics]

maybe that's a good thing. sometimes just sometimes, your poor outlook needs to be shoot down.

[Lethe]

How is it a poor outlook? I've been experiencing this for most of my life. People have taken great pains at school to tell me just how ugly and disgusting I am. Especially the male population. It's a hard cycle to break. I can't simply leave school, can I? And I experience this treatment even outside of school, so there is really no escaping it. Being happy with myself doesn't cut it.

[Ambrosia]

PLEASE do not fight in this or any other thread. This is your only warning. Keep it friendly and, if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything at all!

[judahtics]

no you can't. you can't just make it stop, your right. you can try to see life with a positive light though. keep saying it, the more real it becomes in your head.

[Lethe]

Ignorance is bliss, but I'd rather be educated than ignorant. I'd prefer to be happy and to not be bothered by what they say, but being positive just doesn't work. Really, it doesn't. With how many times guys have told me how worthless I am and how I'm not the type of girl guys would date because of how I look, it's hard to have anything positive to think about or say.

[judahtics]

find your worth in you, not someone else.

[Lethe]

What worth is there? I'm not pretty. I'm big-boned. I'm wide-shouldered. I have a lot of weight I can't lose. On top of that I wear glasses, which guys usually don't like on girls. What is there about me that's worth anything to anyone, even myself?

[judahtics]

well with that attitude, nothing. you aren't willing to work on life from the sounds of it. i know it's tough, but i also know it's worth it. life isn't easy and it sounds like you were dealt a tough hand, but like you told that other girl, you have much more than a lot of others out there.

[Lethe]

I am working on my life...I lost 7lbs. Of course, it did absolutely nothing for me. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to lose more. That's what I want. I'd rather be anorexic than be the weight I am now. I'd probably get teased less. Maybe some guy in my school would notice me. Who knows.

[judahtics]

just eat healthy and exercise. protein every morning, not carbs. protein and fruit (not banana'a) for lunch, protein carbs and veggies for dinner. for snacks, low sugar veggies or half sandwich. walk everyday to the point you're sweating, then walk and additional 30-45 minutes at the same pace. stay away from soda, juice, and milk above 1%. it'll help.

[Lethe]

I don't drink anything but water. I've decided to eat only about 800 calories a day, to make sure I lose plenty of weight. Why be healthy? It's good in the long-run, but I don't know if I'll even have a reason for living more than a few more years. I might as well die looking a little better...

[judahtics]

vitamins in milk will help you lose weight.

[Lethe]

I just want to lose as much as possible, in any way possible...

[judahtics]

do what i told you, it will seriously help. i work out all the time. i'm helping my foster sis lose weight right now. she's 14 almost 15 and weight 240lbs and is 5'9". she's really tall for her age and being a girl, but waaay overweight, on my diet and program, she lost 7 pounds in the last couple weeks.

[Lethe]

I don't know. Something in me says "just starve to death" because when you starve you lose weight faster. And like I said, I don't plan on living very long. So dying at 130- pounds would be better than living a full life the way I am. No guy wants me, no person wants to take the time to get to know me. What's the use of living?

[dontcare97]

Lethe, stop. Please. I can't stop tell you how beautiful you are. You listen to everyone one else in the world and whatever one else says, well listen to me. I. Think.Your. Pretty. I saw your pictures, way before I read any of you self hating threads. My first thought, which is completely true, is: "I'm so jealous." I thought you were so much prettier than me and I thought your smile was heartwarming.

I know how tough it is to lose weight and how fat and disgusting you feel when you look at your fat. I'm like 210 and i hate it. I do but that doesn't mean I should kill myself. It means I have to try harder, just like you.

Destroying yourself like this isn't helping anyone. Sitting and complain won't help. You keep making things like this but you keep fight everyone's advice. we are here to help and befriend you. you can't say everyone thinks your ugly when I can name twenty users who said differently.

You know what will help? Sticking your middle finger up at the world and then pwn it. Your so fixated on looks and how the world perceives you. Screw that. Clearly you don't like the world and the people around you who bring you down. Why do you want to kill yourself to meet their expectations? once you lose that ten pounds, they will call you a poser. Get new clothes and they will say your try too hard. Stop caring and they say your a slob. You can't win in a a place can't shut up long enough to find it's own ass.

Don't do things for others. Do it to make yourself smile Do it because you deserve the best. and if the someone, anyone, has a problem with you striving to be the best you you can be, again fuck them. That person or those people won't help you. live for you. Be selfish and do things for yourself.

I can't be there to fight off bullies or make you take my advice but as long as you keep posting stuff like this, I'm going to keep repeating this.

[Lethe]

You can't hide from the world, just like you can't hide from the truth. At least I'm not trying to kid myself by telling myself I'm attractive...

[judahtics]

actually that's not true. you don't lose weight faster by a lack of food. that's a myth.

[Lethe]

Starving will eventually make me thinner. If I starve to death, that's fine. It's a win-win for me. What do I have to lose?

[judahtics]

so you don't have a good family?

[dontcare97]

You can't hide from the world, just like you can't hide from the truth. At least I'm not trying to kid myself by telling myself I'm attractive...

Truth? The truth is self-interpretative. You define what is true or not to you. People lie all the time because they think what they are saying is based on fact even the the majority of a population comes to the same interpreted truth that whatever that person said is false.

Are you reading what I'm saying or think I'm lying? I've gone through what you are and still struggling. The forced starvation the pure hatred of one's body. You aren't the only one. You can handle things differently.

[Lethe]

My parents pay more attention to the dog than they do to me...

[dontcare97]

Are you getting what I'm saying?

[judahtics]

but they are in your life? provide for you? roof, clothes, food.

[Lethe]

Truth is also collective. There are many truths we agree on; for example, that the Holocaust was a terrible tragedy and a worthless loss of human life. So why can't the truth that I'm ugly actually be fact? Many people say it is; a few may not agree with me, but they aren't exactly disagreeing either.

@Judahitics, yes, they buy me food. They clothe me. But they don't care for me. Food and clothing are needs. Every person should have them. It doesn't many me privileged.

[dontcare97]

I disagree. How many places have you been? One or two towns? How do you know if someone wants to date you but lives in the UK? Why do you think you accept reality as it is? Clearly you want to fight. You still strive to lose weight and find clothes. You don't want to live in hell, so why do you keep chaining yourself there?

[judahtics]

yeah it does. you have parents who have chosen to take care of you, by providing. you don't see that now, but someday, you will.

[Magenta]

Lethe, the only reason you are like this is because of yourself. There is nothing wrong with you physically. I see a sweet, pretty girl who is curvy and suits those curves. Everything that says otherwise is in your head. The idea that we're lying or just saying this, even. Why would we bother?

You don't want to be anorexic thin. You don't want to starve. Why? Because no, you don't lose weight faster. There are a bunch of us here that know. There are a bunch of us here that know the absolute agony that comes with an eating disorder. I'm not even close to underweight but I can already see what I'm doing to my body. Not eating makes you sick. It puts you in pain. I don't mean the emotional pain. I mean real, physical pain. Feeling like the inside of your stomach is eating itself, the headaches and migraines that prevent you from thinking straight or sitting up, or the chest pain. Is that really worth it just so you feel accepted?

No matter how thin you are, you're going to hate yourself. You're going to hate every aspect of yourself because it will never be good enough. There are always going to be people who don't like you. There are always going to be people who don't like girls with weight and there are always going to be people who hate seeing bone. Your attitude is how you navigate the world. You pick your friends. You pick how you see yourself and you see people.

You think everyone hates you and doesn't want to be around you and thinks you're awful and horrid? The only thing that will change that is how you view yourself. People can tell. As you think these things about yourself, it's almost like that's the presence you're giving off. That's the impression. It could be shown through tiny things you'd never even notice. But people see it. People see that and that's what they don't like. If a person is a real friend, they see past any outer layer. You think I'm just saying that but it's so, so true.

I've suggested therapy before and I will suggest it again. You will go nowhere in life thinking this way about yourself. What you're doing is condemning yourself and you are capable of being so much more than this. Therapy for me was teaching me how to think. They weren't giving me ways to think but ways to analyse thinking. To look at what you think now and really look at it. Once you really look at it, you do see things that can change.

But the main point is, you can't change for people to accept you. You can't change to get a boyfriend or because we suggest it. You honestly have to want it.

Losing weight and dieting are only skin deep. I can promise you that all the makeup in the world can't hide what's behind the eyes, your smile, things like that. You won't lose your beliefs with your weight. That has to be tackled separately and, at this point, only you can do that and make the steps toward doing so.

[Lethe]

I've been in many US states...Colorado, California, Texas, New Mexico, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming, Indiana, North Carolina...many more I can't remember right now. I've been everywhere in my own state as well. I'm not ignorant to other people, I know what they think of me. I see it in their eyes and how they talk to me.

[judahtics]

wow! you're a mind reader. what am i thinking right now?

[Lethe]

I'd rather have the pain and starve to death and be accepted than be myself...honestly. It may sound callous or childish, but it's the truth. That's just how much I want to be normal. That really shouldn't be much to ask.

[judahtics]

well i have played into this long enough. talk to ya later.

[dontcare97]

I've been in many US states...Colorado, California, Texas, New Mexico, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming, Indiana, North Carolina...many more I can't remember right now. I've been everywhere in my own state as well. I'm not ignorant to other people, I know what they think of me. I see it in their eyes and how they talk to me.

You pain is stemming paranoia. You feel everyone hates you before you actually know what someone thinks because too many people hurt you. The world has 7 billion people in it, not all of them can find you disgusting and ugly.

You aren't being ignorant, but judgmental. You see people and assume things that could be very well false. No one posses the skill to read minds but you automatically bash yourself before you even get to know the person.

[Lethe]

I really doubt I'm paranoid. I can tell what someone thinks by how they act and how they treat me; that's clear enough. I'm certain most men on the planet would agree that I wasn't exactly their dream girl, nor would they ever desire to have me, even as a girlfriend for a week or so.

I just know how human beings are. I know how I'm worthless and I'm not exactly the type of girl that's meant to reproduce or be happy and be with a man. I understand that. I just hate it. I'd rather be dead.

[Magenta]

Lethe, no one here can help you if you don't want it. Every post I've seen from you, you easily shoot down whatever people say. You can't change other people. You also can't see what they're thinking. There's a book I read, during therapy, that really helped with my social anxiety. What I thought they were thinking were my thoughts, not theirs. Everything in my head is mine. You'll never know what's going on in their heads.

So what's going on in their heads shouldn't matter. You only have control over yourself and that's who you need to think about. Right now, you need to focus not on other people. Not on what you want other people to think of you but what you want to think of you. Do you honestly want to live your life in pain? It's not fun. It's not any way to live.

Being yourself doesn't mean being an outcast. Being yourself means finding who you are and how that plays into the world. You are not yourself now. You're a teenager. Though you may feel completely alone, you're not. You're going through what all of us are, maybe a bit more extreme. But you can be anyone you want to be but you have to put an effort into it. That first effort is to look past the skin and continue deeper.

I sound like a therapist nut or something but believe me when I say this is true. You can look however you want but that is not the key to what's inside your head.

EDIT: Something I wanted to add about getting help... Strength cannot exist without weakness for without it, there would be nothing to be strong against. Admitting a weakness is not admitting defeat, it's proving you have the strength to battle it.

Admitting you might need help may be the most difficult thing in the world... but it opens up a store of more strength than you even used to admit it to yourself. <3

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

Well,I just looked at ur picture. And I can honestly say,ur beautiful. Im utterly and completely jealous. If I looked like u,id be ALOT happier. As for the whole boyfriend thing,u never know,there could be a guy out there who is totally in love with u,but is to shy to do anything about it. And coming up to a pretty girl,can be intimidating. Right now u might feel shitty about urself,but hopefully someday u'll see urself the way others do,as a gorgeous young woman with so much potential.

[unknownuser]

Lethe, if you think being thin and losing weight will solve all your problems, you are mistaken. I learned that the hard way. My weight has changed so much in such a short amount of time, I was 4'11 and about 140 lbs *I knew I was fat. I eventually starved myself down to about 85 lbs at 5'1. Even at that weight, when I looked in the mirror, all I saw was fat, fat, fat. Even now, I'm at a good weight for my heigh and body type at about 100-105, but I still feel so effin fat. The few friends that I had, I lost due to my ed, I missed out on my freshman year, I missed out on life, I could have died at any minute. I still cry over how I look I still think I'm fat, I still isolate myself from people. But I know that's never going to change... I've never been satisfied with anything in my life and never will be. Sad to say, but given the opportunity, I would take my life. My life is screwed us as it is, I've never felt appreciated. I've never made my parents proud. I'm guessing that the "root" of my self hatred is my family- we all know we have a problem, we are just too proud to admit that we do and need help. Perhaps there is a similar problem to you that is causing these feelings? You need to look deeper- your true problems lie inside.

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a very honest person, having said that, the ONLY ugly person I have ever seen is the one that stares back at me in the mirror.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You need to be strong, unlike myself who can't take my own advice and for that reason will live a short, lonely, and miserable life just because I am reluctant to ask for help when I know that I need it.

[bambino]

You know what will help? Sticking your middle finger up at the world and then pwn it. Your so fixated on looks and how the world perceives you. Screw that. Clearly you don't like the world and the people around you who bring you down. Why do you want to kill yourself to meet their expectations? once you lose that ten pounds, they will call you a poser. Get new clothes and they will say your try too hard. Stop caring and they say your a slob. You can't win in a a place can't shut up long enough to find it's own ass.

Don't do things for others. Do it to make yourself smile Do it because you deserve the best. and if the someone, anyone, has a problem with you striving to be the best you you can be, again fuck them. That person or those people won't help you. live for you.


this is perfect. Couldn't have said it better.
Don't get angry at yourself, get angry at society for making you feel that way- fight against the pressure of the media, the pressure peers place on each other. Fight for a cause bigger than yourself.

Sometimes it helps to look at the contributing factors to why you feel this way. Break it down in a calm realistic manner. Yeah maybe your parents gave you some issues [and welcome to the club ha!] biologically you could be predisposed to mental illness [body dysmorphic disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression] but another MAJOR factor is the pressure society places on young girls to be P E R F E C T.

No-one is perfect. Fuck perfection. I am imperfect and opinionated and I will be myself not who they tell me I should be.

[Lethe]

I love it when people say "there might be a guy out there that's too shy to talk to you" because it's just really funny that people have all of these ways to cover up the truth with honeyed words. Maybe that's a cynical way to look at it, but when I see things like that, I read the underlying meaning—that guys may like me, but they'll never tell me because they're "shy". It just seems like a con to me, like a fallacy. Like I said, maybe that's cynical. I just have never seen that work out in real life.

I know I won't ever be satisfied, because most girls, no matter how thin or attractive I make myself (which is impossible anyways) will always be better. Even if by some crazy stroke of luck I actually become a little more attractive as I get older, it'll never be enough. Society may be to blame but you can't avoid society, unless you die. Which I plan to. No boyfriend, no life. I guess that's just how it has to be. If I can't be happy, why should I exist in the first place? What's the point? I'll never date, I'll never marry. Well, that's what I want in life. So if I can't have that, I can't live. Oh well.

If I sound negative, it's because I am. I just know how life is and how it'll turn out for me. If I can't ever date ONCE in high school, I probably never will. Fuck me.

[dontcare97]

Why do you believe that life is all about high school? You know the stories of bullied nerds running the world. Meek 'ugly' girls are famous writers and politicians. Who gives a fuck about high school, especially since it's only four years of a potentially 82 year life. you can't predict the future.

Looks don't make the world go round. It can't.is there anything good about you that isn't physical? Are you telling us that you are an ugly rock of a person that has nothing unique or different about you personality? All you talk about is outer beauty! You aren't smart? You have no abilities beside noticing you hideousness? There is nothing about you that is more?

You are the Average American teen. Don't flatter yourself with believing you are the most dreadful creature and everyone is more beautiful and better than you. You, or anyone else, can't be that special. Just like no one is the most gorgeous woman in the world either. It's physically impossible. Anglina Joelie would be considered ugly in Africa. Tyra Banks would be ugly in Asia ect. It's geographic inconceivable to have some one who's beauty has no bounds. It's the same for ugliness. Someone of you body would be beautiful in Nigerian culture. You weight would mean your are a healthy woman. You would be more desirable than a fashion model who weighs 97lbs.

People have called me a guy because I'm one of the strongest people in my grade. I know people who have been completely cut off from and type of social interaction since elementary school. you aren't the only one who feels ugly or fat.

Yeah, i know it sucks very hard that people are complete assholes but that shouldn't effect you. the world is one gaping,monstrous asshole. It's everyone's job to climb out of it and redesign that horrible of a plane of existence into something more manageable or they will live in misery.

Why do you make these threads? it has to be more than to complain and bash yourself. You are saying how much you want to climb out of this asshole world but you don't believe you can. People are here to help you not slide into the sticky sludge of feces that is caught in the butt crack. We might be over the internet but that doesn't mean anything. We want to make you happy, because everyone, no matter what they look like deserve happiness.

If you really don't want help than say so. We have said and done everything. Given all types of advice. Tells us what you want us to say, since everything else isn't working.

[Lethe]

The future can't be predicted, no, but I have a pretty good idea of how it'll turn out. If I'm ugly and outcast now, what makes anyone think I'll get any better in college, or out in the real world, or even in 20 years? High school is a good indicator of my worthless, pointless future.

Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you. I'm not smart, I'm not talented. There's nothing good about me, nothing that stands out. There's nothing amazing about me, really. If I was pretty, maybe I'd have a future because I'm just not good enough. But I'm not, and therefore I have no point in living.

I don't think any culture would see me as beautiful, no matter how primative or outlandish it is. How would anyone see my body type as beautiful, or my face? I just can't believe that any place in the world would accept me when no one here in the United States does.

I make these threads because it's an outlet. Do I want to get better? Yes. But I can't. Why? I'm ugly and fat and big-boned, and I can't change that. No matter how much weight I lose I'll never be pretty or thin. What's the point, then? Do I deserve to be happy? I don't think so. If anyone saw me in real life, they'd probably agree. People are always right when it comes to self-worth. I know I have none.

What do I want? I want to be ANYONE else in the world but myself. Anyone. I'd take any human being. I hate myself, wouldn't you if you were me? Anything is better than me.

[AltoVaughn]

Lethe, I may be gay but I think I count as part of the "Male population" I think you're beautiful. You remind me of Quinn from Glee :P. I know you won't believe me but I wish you well and I hope someday you realize how pretty you really are.

[Lethe]

I look nothing like her. She's a cheerleader. She's probably about 50lbs less heavy than me, and she's beautiful. I'm nothing like her, although I wish I was.

The only time I'll ever think I'm beautiful is if I get married. Since that's impossible, I will never kid myself by saying "I'm beautiful" when I hate lying.

[dontcare97]

What about people with cancer? Or horrible deformitive dieases? They have it way worst then you but they still lead happy lives. Their spouses left them and their family ignore them. Would you like to be a strabing Indian child or single mother forced to take care of their baby made from rape? These people don't go on about how much their lives suck.

Are these women are ugly? They are big and some would say fat but they are beautiful. Since nothing is beautiful about you and you feel like you future will be depressing, why not commit your life to something usefully? Create a charity, adopt some children, save a freaking puppy! Why not make an organization in the future for girls like you so they don't have to feel your pain? Everyone goes through a hell of a life. I could give you a saga of all my turmoil, everyone on this site could. That doesn't make you lives and more tragic than yours, vise versa.

i respect your place to vent but I don't want you to be miserable to the day you die. That's not living

[Lethe]

You have no idea what I go through, or what I have gone through. Just because someone has gone through something we would consider "hard" doesn't mean they feel the same way. They're strong people with good aspects. I'm not strong; I'm weak, worthless. And there's nothing good about me. Physical or otherwise. I'm boring, stupid, quiet and physically unattractive in every aspect. I have nothing to go for, nothing to lean on. So then what?

[Magenta]

Well, Lethe, we've said all we can.

The hardest lesson you'll ever learn is that you are who you are. You can't be someone else. That's just not going to happen. The hardest thing ever is learning to live with yourself. I hope you can do that eventually.

[Lethe]

Why should I live with myself? There's nothing good about me, especially physically. What's the point of living with myself when everyone knows I'm ugly and stupid and worthless? Why not just kill myself and never bother anyone again?

[Magenta]

Lethe, you've heard every word each of us has said. I know you have. If you really wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't be posting here. You wouldn't be responding. You would have done it by now.

Whether you like it or not you ARE living with yourself by being here now. Anyway, once you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up. You are perfectly capable of getting past this. You just won't let yourself. If anything, you're stubborn. You're determined. You're just focusing your energy in the wrong direction. Rather than fighting every positive word we say, you could be taking them to heart. I'm not saying leap up and scream "I'm wonderful!" to the world but just remind yourself of everything we say.

I've said this before and I'll say it again: if you were truly as horrific as you think, we wouldn't waste our time.

[Lethe]

I want to kill myself, but I can't. I don't have the resources or the courage, though.

I've hit rock bottom, but there's an even lower level than that, and that's what I'm at. Things will always get worse. I've never had a damn good thing happen to me in terms of my attractiveness. I'm fat, I'm unattractive, I'm ugly, I wear glasses. I have no physical beauty whatsoever. So while I'd love to think there's some way that things could get better, I just don't see how. Being positive with myself has done shit. Absolute shit. Nothing good has happened. So what then?

[dontcare97]

nothing. nothing is it. you've lost the will to live. you cant do anything because you have surrender.Unless someone strike you with a certain passion, that person i can assume would be a boyfriend, you wont do a thing. you can't run a car that has no fuel.

[Lethe]

And how exactly will I get a boyfriend if I'm too ugly and overweight and disgusting? I doubt even a blind man would stoop so low as to actually date me, even for a week.

[Magenta]

You keep trying and you keep trying again and again. I've spent... *counts* ... at least nine years living with depression. My youngest memory is of myself telling my mother that I wished I'd never been born. I've been through hell and back and back to hell again and I'm still here. Sometimes, there's a part of you that wants to survive and that's what makes you post here, that what make you unable to take your life.

As long as that part is there, you can still get better.

Note that you say you see physical beauty. You end up taking the physical aspects and forcing that hate on everything else. There's really nothing wrong with you, it's just easiest to think that way. The worst is BDD or depression. However, both of those are easily treatable and can be recovered from. There's lots of people who have. Thing is, those people took the risk of being disappointed. They took that leap of faith and they wanted to get help.

You don't seem to want that. Until you actually make the effort to see someone about these issues, you're going to get worse. You'd love for things to get better? No. You don't. You want an easy fix. You want this to go away and be gone for good. Reality doesn't work like that. You have to want it and you have to want it badly that you're going to work at it. You're going to have to look past this self-pitying the-world-hates-me stage and see that it's going to take a lot of effort on your part to beat this.

And only you can make that effort. Stop obsessing over getting a boyfriend, having friends, etc. Focus on yourself and really focus on what you want. You want to be better? Stop putting yourself down here and look into therapy. Look into speaking to someone. We're not able to give you the help you need. It seems harsh but it's very true.

[dontcare97]

I know girls twice you size how have gotten boyfriends. You you date an ugly guy if he was nice and said he loved you? Of course. Not all guys are GQ models.

If that doesn't happen, do nothing. okay you won't get a boyfriend and you will end up depress and alone in hell forever until you either kill yourself off or the world does it for you. You yourself said it's over. You can't take advice because it doesn't work. Fuck staying positive. just live out the rest of your days in misery. That all you can do.

[Lethe]

It's one thing to think you're ugly, and actually be ugly. I'm not stupid. What I see in the mirror is what everyone else sees, most people just are "nice" enough not to talk about it too much. Then there are the people who say nice things but really don't mean them, or they don't know what they're talking about or they think one thing but aren't really sure if they mean it. I don't think I have BDD. I know what I see is real; people tell me so, and what I see is what others see. So it must be true, otherwise people wouldn't say the things they do.

Am I working towards bettering myself? Yes. I eat 1000 calories a day (hopefully I'll reduce it to starvation), I put on makeup, I do my hair, I exercise, etc. How am I not working towards bettering myself?

The world does hate me. The world does think I'm ugly. Just because I hate myself and think I'm ugly doesn't mean I'm wrong or mentally incapable of helping myself. I just don't see how my life could ever get better despite my efforts to change.

[dontcare97]

Again, two options.

1) Do nothing and live a horrible yet expected life.

2) Accept the way of life and try to help others. There is no reason you can't start a charity or help girls in your position when your older or adopt a kid or two.

Option two is a bit more productive but no one can stop you from choosing option one.

[Lethe]

But why choose option two when no matter what I do people always turn away from me? I'm fostering a kitten right now, but it doesn't even like me. It won't let me hold it, but my mom and dad are just fine and they can hold it all the time. Even animals hate me.

[Magenta]

Right so we're all liars because we have nothing better to do. Trust me, I wouldn't be wasting my time. I have much better things to do than argue with you. I see a very pretty girl I feel bad for because she's condemning herself to unneeded misery. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you other than how you think about yourself.

If you want an eating disorder, no one can stop you except your self. We've told you the risks. We've told you of the pain it causes. Just don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you. Don't protest when you're forced to get help when it's already been offered. You're not working towards bettering yourself. Working towards bettering yourself doesn't including starving. It includes working with what you have. You can NEVER be someone else. Sorry to disappoint you but it's not possible. You're all you have and that's who you need to accept. Starve yourself, get surgery, whatever. You're still yourself. You're still going to hate yourself because no matter what changes on your body, your mind will remain the same.

The world doesn't hate you. It hates your attitude and it hates to see you do this to yourself. There is a very big difference.

Anyway, I'm out because I've said all I can. Good luck.

[dontcare97]

Fine then option 1 it is. I tried to help, but don't thank me or the other fifteen people who helped too. It's fine. It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about themselves.

Go off and lead you horrid life.
(sorry about you kitten troubles.)

[Lethe]

I didn't call you a liar. Is that anywhere in my written text?

Let me ask you again: if I am pretty, why am I single? Why do boys not want to talk to me? Why do guys take the time to tell me I'm not worth dating, that I'm ugly and that I'm stupid? I'm not making this up. I say the things I do for a reason.

I don't want an eating disorder. I want the results of an eating disorder. That's a childish way to look at things, but that's what I want. I want to work towards the result of anorexia; being thin. Not bone-thin, although that'd be nice. I just want something I can't have. As I said before, it's really hopeless, isn't it?

@Dontcare97: Just tell me something. Why should I care about myself?

[dontcare97]

Because it's a humans job too. Fuck ever last person on this Earth. as long as you can look after yourself, you're golden. But i don't care anymore. I'm not going to force you too or convence you other wise.

I'm single too. Boys are afraid of me because i weigh 210 and can toss them across hte room with one punch. many say they rather date their own brother than me. They called my fat and ugly. I starved my self for weeks on end since I was 11. I throw up every few days.Girls made me feel the worst. The ripped me to shreds and I cry all night long and SH. No one at home knew about my pain. My mom had cancer and my dad died the previous summer.

But I give a shit about myself so i push through it. You don't need the worlds approval, just your own.

[Lethe]

I don't see why I should care about myself. Why doesn't the world's approval matter? I'd like at least 1 person to think I'm good enough to live. But most don't, especially males. I'm better off dead to them.

[Angel Androgynous]

I don't see why I should care about myself. Why doesn't the world's approval matter? I'd like at least 1 person to think I'm good enough to live. But most don't, especially males. I'm better off dead to them.

There are tons of people who think you're gorgeous on here. You're tossing us aside. You're only paying attention to the negatives.

[Lethe]

You aren't males, are you? I know that's callous, but girls are nicer to girls than guys are to girls. I think only 1 guy has ever said I'm okay-looking (not even attractive, just okay) and that just reinforces how I feel. Maybe I'm just being callous and unfeeling. That's just how my life has played out.

Besides, I don't think any girl would wish to look like me or be jeaous to look like me.

[dontcare97]

Kay, then kill yourself.If you really feel the approval of the opposite sex is that important go. But you won't you are afraid. It's nothing about courage or bravery. It's human nature to not kill yourself, even if you want too.

How many people on here have told you differently?We all think you are good enough to live. But we don't count right, because it's through the computer screen.

You don't wan to hear from me or anyone else. go off and lead you life and way you want.

Do nothing.

edit:
Didn't me and two other girls say in this thread we are jealous of you? hmm but again...we don't count.

[Lethe]

Don't you agree that people can say what they want online? I'm not saying you aren't sincere; I can tell you are. But people online are different than people in real life and they may think one thing but when it actually happens they think something totally different.

[Magenta]

"You aren't males, are you?"

'Kay, I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. We've spent three pages trying to help you. I've replied to your threads since you joined VT. We offer to help and you're tossing us off because we're not male? You're dependent on what everyone thinks of you. In the real world, no one cares. People are concerned with themselves. That's a fact. People are more interested in their own lives.

This is entirely in your head what people think of you. So people said mean things to you. You're not any more special than anyone else here. Every single one of us has been insulted. Do we endlessly shoot down advice? No.

[anonymous53]

Lethe, I think you're far from ugly. There is a compliment from a guy, heck I'd even say you're pretty.

You need to stop worrying what guys think about you Lethe, because looks can only get one so far in this world. Be confident with who you are. :)

And I say this, girls are way more mean to girls. Most guys don't care what a girl looks like as long as she'll open her legs for him.

[dontcare97]

Don't you agree that people can say what they want online? I'm not saying you aren't sincere; I can tell you are. But people online are different than people in real life and they may think one thing but when it actually happens they think something totally different.

I agree with the girl above. What you are going through isn't special. I told you my story. I went through it and still struggling. so is everyone here, which is why were are here to help one another. So how will I think differently if I can fit your shoes exactly?

Give me one good reason why you won't take our advice or work with us? You shot down and complain. You don't even really try to reason with us. Clearly we care enough to help. So why do you always push us away. You going through what we are so why?

[RelicHunter97]

I couldn't agree more. You are a beautiful person, you really are. But; It doesn't help anyone to reject help and advice from people because they aren't who you want it from. You just need to have more self-confidence and try to be more open to help.
If you don't your mental condition will deteriorate and by that time you will have pushed everyone away. You will end up alone, and probably paranoid and even schitzophrenic. Now I do not want to see that happen to you. I am a Male by the way s just listen to me.

[dontcare97]

Tell me this isn't beautifulhttp://www.virtualteen.org/forums/picture.php?albumid=3156&pictureid=19116

[Lethe]

^ That isn't beautiful. There are so many flaws, and there are also flaws that you can't see in the picture that people see in real life. I could make a list, but I won't.

I'm not ignoring your advice—I just don't see any evidence that it's truthful. Your opinions are true and sincere, but when people say "being confident makes you happier and more appealing" I see that as false because I've tried it and seen it fail. Someone could say that I'm pretty or attractive, but when I look back on the past 17 years of my life, I know it really can't be true. A person may think it's true until they actually see me, and then they change their opinion. It's happened so many times I've lost count.

[dontcare97]

...Okay. I;m done then. I tried. I hope eventually you will see what kind of person you truly are. I'll check on you now and then but...I just going to stop posting here. Because your right, it doesn't matter what I say. I still think you could be a wonderful person because you don't seem like a total fuck, you just believe you are a fuck up. there's nothing more to say about this.

I hope you do find happiness thou, everyone deserves it.:hug2:

[Lethe]

I am a fuck up...I wasn't meant to be born, I don't think. If I wasn't born, the world would be a better place. At least that's what I'm told. I don't see how I could ever be happy. I don't know if I deserve it. But I'm glad for your responses and your help...