Relapse

[Charlotte93]

One day away from 5 weeks of being cut free and I know i would have made it if life didn't always feel like throwing me a curve ball.

After about 3 weeks of being cut free i had broken all my razors and threw them away. This helped with the urges alot because no matter how many urges i didn't have any blades but had gained just enough self control to not tear up a razor.

Yesterday i floped down on my bed and saw one blade inbeween the bed frame and my wall and i just left it there content that i wouldn't need it. I mean come on almost 5 weeks i thought i would be cured forever. Later last night i had a strong urge and i talked about it with a friend although he really didn't know what i was talking about, but it didn't help and i just grabbed the blade and cut.
4 new marks that arn't very pritty at all and a blade that will be my new best friend.

I didn't even remember this morning when i got up untill i was about to get in the shower and saw the all black nail polish, ( i had sworn to myself i would only ware black nail polish with other colors so that i wouldn't get more urges)

It's weaid though, I'm not that disipointed in myself as i know i should be but insted i just want the blade like an smoker needs a smoke.

I don't know what's next for me and i really wanted to stop cutting before high school started but I guess dreems are just that dreams.

[Kahn]

You're right, dreams are just dreams. In reality, they seem ridiculous and useless. People have dreams every day and don't give them a thought, but other, ambitious people have dreams that they turn into goals, and goals they turn into success. You made a mistake, but you know you made a mistake. The first step is showing that you want to stop and I'm proud that you've been able to do that. Now you need to take the second step. Get rid of the razors. Realize that it's not what's best for you, no matter what your body tells you.

Get back on your feet and try again. It shows your determination to get rid of this dilemma. It shows your ambition. If you feel the urge, do something else. Color, read, write, or talk to a friend until the urge goes away. If you need more help, come here. We won't let you down if you don't let us down.

Good luck.