It's gotten to the point...

[Magenta]

...that I'm turning my internet off to escape the bullying. To escape the temptation to check and see what they're saying... all I want is to know what I've done to deserve this abuse. To see what they're saying about me. But not to my face. The silence hurts more than any of the insults.

I'm done. I can't take this anymore. Even if I don't check, if I block them, it is still in the back of my mind. I need a break before I snap. Guess I just needed to write this somewhere. Bye for a bit... :(

[ExhibitG]

don't even, you are so much better than them. this sounds really lame but it works because i used to be bullied, but whatever they bully you about just laugh and agree with them like "hahaha you are right that's so true i am pretty ugly!" or something like that. what can they possibly say to that? absolutely nothing.

[Magenta]

I'm still lurking VT for a bit...

But one person once called 911 to save my life. He now says it's a relief to be rid of me. They'd rather I be dead. I can't agree to that... or can I? It's awfully tempting.

I've been bullied my entire life. I want this to end.

[Amaryllis]

Jo, you're so amazing and strong. You've gone through hell and survived. You're still going through it but you WILL survive. Believe in yourself because we believe in you. So many people look up to you, Jo. I do. You're kind, loving and determined. You're stronger than you think. They are the weak ones. They step on your head to cross the river. But it's okay. Because in the end, YOU will swim across that river. Not them.

Life is an obstacle. You will survive. Not them. There will come a day when they don't have heads to step on and they won't know how to swim.

Be strong. You will beat this. We're here. I know we're not enough but we're here. When you feel alone, know that you can come here any time and we'll be here. If they're cruel to you, ask them to talk to us. Because NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE can bring you down without your consent.

Stay strong.

Love,
Faith And Trust

[Magenta]

I sound pathetic but... I'm not sure what to do without them. I can't be alone. I'm scared.

This is so out of control. Everything is out of control. Everything builds up... I hate them, I really do. I wish I were dead... to escape... but I just want to live my life... without being tormented. Haven't I been through enough? Apparently not.

[dontcare97]

I know exactly how you feel. Paranoia and Fear consume you and you hate your life. It hurts to continue but you keep reading what they say because you have to know. Once you show how much they kill you they feed even more. They are parasitic douches that take pride in seeing you fall. You aren't pathetic, they are. And you need to show them that.

You have nothing to lose. Your life is already hell and there's nothing they can do to make it worst. Fight because once you lie down and take it, they kick harder. You're not alone, you have support from hundreds that know what you're going through. I'm here too. Don't let them control you life.

[Magenta]

I just... want closure. I want to know what I've done. Then I'll go away. I'll leave them alone. But all of this for no reason... that's why I keep checking. For reason. For something. Anything.

But it just hurts more...

[dontcare97]

I just... want closure. I want to know what I've done. Then I'll go away. I'll leave them alone. But all of this for no reason... that's why I keep checking. For reason. For something. Anything.

But it just hurts more...

Did you try asking them? Sit down and talk with them?

[ExhibitG]

I'm still lurking VT for a bit...

But one person once called 911 to save my life. He now says it's a relief to be rid of me. They'd rather I be dead. I can't agree to that... or can I? It's awfully tempting.

I've been bullied my entire life. I want this to end.

certainly you cannot agree to that. but you can retaliate in a way that gives you the power. like if they say they want you dead just say "gosh, i'm sorry your feel that way. i'd prefer to be alive though, thanks." comments like that automatically grant you the power to win and it shows that you are above them.

and you are above them. what makes you so sure that you aren't?

[Magenta]

Did you try asking them? Sit down and talk with them?

I tried... They ignore me. They talk behind my back... I see half of it and the half I'm blocked from seeing is dangled in front of my face.

certainly you cannot agree to that. but you can retaliate in a way that gives you the power. like if they say they want you dead just say "gosh, i'm sorry your feel that way. i'd prefer to be alive though, thanks." comments like that automatically grant you the power to win and it shows that you are above them.

and you are above them. what makes you so sure that you aren't?

Because I'm a worthless person. Look at any of my posts. My depression, my self-harm, the bullying, my eating disorder, my anxiety. It all comes down to me and how worthless I am. I'm not meant to be a happy person. I guess I'm just waiting to hit a point where I'll have no regret finally killing myself...

I don't want to die... but I wish this was that point. Everything hurts too much. Hurting myself is one thing but the people now...

[Amaryllis]

You hate them. Why do you have to hate you? You did nothing wrong. They're the ones that need fixing

[dontcare97]

I tried... They ignore me. They talk behind my back... I see half of it and the half I'm blocked from seeing is dangled in front of my face.



Because I'm a worthless person. Look at any of my posts. My depression, my self-harm, the bullying, my eating disorder, my anxiety. It all comes down to me and how worthless I am. I'm not meant to be a happy person. I guess I'm just waiting to hit a point where I'll have no regret finally killing myself...

I don't want to die... but I wish this was that point. Everything hurts too much. Hurting myself is one thing but the people now...

Having a load of problems doesn't make you worthless. it means you hare human.You're human because you want to live a life without pain. Don't judge your value on what others do. Clearly you are so important that everyone needs to bring you down. They have to see something that they are jealous about.You know killing yourself won't solve anything. Telling a principle will. Changing schools might.

What are they saying to you?

[Magenta]

@Z Because obviously something is wrong with me. Everything is wrong with me. Why would people leave? Why would people bully me if there weren't something awfully wrong? I've tried so hard. I wanted to change so bad. Now I'm too exhausted. I don't know how to handle this anymore.

I want to march to their front doors and show them what this is doing to me. I know what I'll really do is curl up in bed and cry. They're having their happiness at my expense. Like everyone else.

@Rebecca One of them is 14 and goes to another school. The other one is 21. They're part of my writing group. Formerly a 27 year old bullied me away from returning to meetings and events. They're taking my only passion away from me. They've made me scared to go back. Scared to show my face. From shame, from resentment. They're adults. FUCKING ADULTS. And a kid... I'm not good enough for anyone.

[dontcare97]

@Z Because obviously something is wrong with me. Everything is wrong with me. Why would people leave? Why would people bully me if there weren't something awfully wrong? I've tried so hard. I wanted to change so bad. Now I'm too exhausted. I don't know how to handle this anymore.

I want to march to their front doors and show them what this is doing to me. I know what I'll really do is curl up in bed and cry. They're having their happiness at my expense. Like everyone else.

@Rebecca One of them is 14 and goes to another school. The other one is 21. They're part of my writing group. Formerly a 27 year old bullied me away from returning to meetings and events. They're taking my only passion away from me. They've made me scared to go back. Scared to show my face. From shame, from resentment. They're adults. FUCKING ADULTS. And a kid... I'm not good enough for anyone.

Then press charges. If they are adults, sue them. They have no right to do them to a minor. It's sick and sad. Keep everything that they say, get hard proof. Show what they have done. File a restraining order. These people should be ashamed of themselves and it's not your fault. You are a kid. They are the adults.

[Magenta]

I'm not even sure the effort is worth it... I do appreciate the suggestions. It is sick. It's repulsive. That they've caused me this much pain. I just don't think anyone would care. They haven't done enough to really warrant any reaction. What they've done really exists in my head. What they've done plays off of past events that we're all aware of even if it wasn't directly mentioned. But it was hinted... a lot.

It's so hard to explain. I'm just tired and in so much pain.

[Upintheair]

First off, the people who are bullying you and saying that "its a relief to be rid of you" are disgusting and dont know what a beautiful person you are. You cant let what they say get to you. You are better than them, so show them that! Show them that you are strong, beautiful, and too good for the crap they give you! By letting them effect you, you are letting them win, and they dont deserve that. Be strong, keep your head up, and know that no matter what anyone says, your a beautiful , kind, and intelligent person. No one can take that from you

[dontcare97]

First off, the people who are bullying you and saying that "its a relief to be rid of you" are disgusting and dont know what a beautiful person you are. You cant let what they say get to you. You are better than them, so show them that! Show them that you are strong, beautiful, and too good for the crap they give you! By letting them effect you, you are letting them win, and they dont deserve that. Be strong, keep your head up, and know that no matter what anyone says, your a beautiful , kind, and intelligent person. No one can take that from you

Exactly my point. You don't deserve the crap you get, especially if it's taking away from you happiness. No one should stop your passion.

[Magenta]

I guess. Thank you for all your replies. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. It's so hard to take your advice and actually follow it. I'd give the same advice out to anyone in my situation... I just want to be angry. I want to make their lives hell. I want to show them who they're fucking with, who they've made the mistake of screwing around with.

But I have to be the mature one... show them I'm better... yet no matter what I do, I'm still the doormat. Even if I stand up for myself, someone else picks on me. I've been teased, mocked, used, insulted, threatened, made to feel completely invisible all throughout my life. Gah.

[Upintheair]

I guess. Thank you for all your replies. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. It's so hard to take your advice and actually follow it. I'd give the same advice out to anyone in my situation... I just want to be angry. I want to make their lives hell. I want to show them who they're fucking with, who they've made the mistake of screwing around with.

But I have to be the mature one... show them I'm better... yet no matter what I do, I'm still the doormat. Even if I stand up for myself, someone else picks on me. I've been teased, mocked, used, insulted, threatened, made to feel completely invisible all throughout my life. Gah.


I know exactly how this feels. And I know its so hard to take advice from people when you want to be angry and hate the people who have caused you so much pain. From experience, the only way to move on is to realize that they arent worth it. They arent worth the pain they have caused you. You are better than them, and better than the ways youve been treated. You are worth much more than the way they make you feel. Just remember that no matter what, you are YOU. They can never change who you are, unless you let them

[Magenta]

I know exactly how this feels. And I know its so hard to take advice from people when you want to be angry and hate the people who have caused you so much pain. From experience, the only way to move on is to realize that they arent worth it. They arent worth the pain they have caused you. You are better than them, and better than the ways youve been treated. You are worth much more than the way they make you feel. Just remember that no matter what, you are YOU. They can never change who you are, unless you let them

Thank you. I'm trying... sort of. Right now, I think my goal is to get through tonight semi-sane. I'm trying to muddle through what's going on.

[dontcare97]

I guess. Thank you for all your replies. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. It's so hard to take your advice and actually follow it. I'd give the same advice out to anyone in my situation... I just want to be angry. I want to make their lives hell. I want to show them who they're fucking with, who they've made the mistake of screwing around with.

But I have to be the mature one... show them I'm better... yet no matter what I do, I'm still the doormat. Even if I stand up for myself, someone else picks on me. I've been teased, mocked, used, insulted, threatened, made to feel completely invisible all throughout my life. Gah.

Sometimes being the mature one isn't fair. Being the one that has to take with out dishing isn't fair. But people like you are needed in world. If everyone one was out to be a complete ass to everyone, no one would have any friends. You are a better, strong person because you're like that, not a doormat.

You don't have to stand up for yourself. Putting up your middle finger can be done sitting. Block out the assholes with no true friends. You are better then them and you know it and they know it too.

[ExhibitG]

Because I'm a worthless person. Look at any of my posts. My depression, my self-harm, the bullying, my eating disorder, my anxiety. It all comes down to me and how worthless I am. I'm not meant to be a happy person. I guess I'm just waiting to hit a point where I'll have no regret finally killing myself...

I don't want to die... but I wish this was that point. Everything hurts too much. Hurting myself is one thing but the people now...

you are only a worthless person if you let yourself think that. just because you have problems doesn't make you a worthless person. we all have problems. and in fact, nobody on this entire planet is a worthless person. everybody has something great to offer in this world, and it's up to them to show everyone how great they are without shame and against all odds.

you just need to stand up and say "hi, i suffer from depression, an eating disorder, and i'm constantly bullied. but here's everything great about me." and i guarantee you will find more pros about yourself than cons. and if you don't, you aren't thinking hard enough.

[judahtics]

this sounds like that current tv movie thing released called cyberbully. you should watch it.

[Magenta]

I might actually. I don't know. Movies like that make me feel less alone. Thanks.

[judahtics]

it actually sounds like what you're saying to a degree. a girl experiences terrible cyberbullying to the point she wants to kill herself over it. i think i'd help you. maybe? the best thing you can do is stay off those sites, i know it's tough and you'll know they are still talking, but try anyway. delete all your accounts and avoid those people as much as possible.

[Magenta]

I wish I could. I know that's the smart thing... but these people were my life. They saved my life. They called 911 when my own father wouldn't... yet now they just want me dead. I don't get it. I know they're awful people now but I can't just erase everything they've done for me... it's so hard to walk away.

I've been up all night, thinking, having anxiety attacks. Too scared to sleep because I just know the stress will keep building up. Fuck. I hate this.

[judahtics]

that's your choice. do something to change it, or live in and with it. i understand it's tough, but what other options do you have? obviously you aren't ready to quit, you are still fighting, you are still looking for a way out, you still have believe hope might be somewhere out there, you just don't know where.

[Magenta]

This is true. I guess I'm just not ready to do anything. I don't know if there is anything I can do right now. My anxiety means I can't make decisions... so I'll sit here all night thinking and still never come to a decision. I'll figure it out, I guess.

You're smart and I appreciate your reply. Thanks.

[judahtics]

my opinion really doesn't matter, but i think you should do something. you sound like a person who could really help someone else who's being bullied. maybe someone younger. your experience could help them and give you reason to overcome this.

[Solvez18]

listen, i understand how bad bullying gets. i have a thread about it, and what i have learnt is hang in there don't give up or give in. because i gave in and it got a whole lot worse. promise me u wont give in

[nonamesam]

this post is a bit late but if your still reading these post listen (read lol) to what every one on vt has to say i only read a few of them but there right even though i dont know what there right about i just read the post and i forgot anyway you need to think why do you take the insolts in all it is are words nothing more i have been bullyed my self but ofter a year it got boaring and all i did is ignore and didnt react i'm only 15 but i have seen bullying i have been in bullying and it will get better the people that bully you will regret it very soon and if you still scear if bulling tell your perents even the police but make shore thats what you want to do i hope this helps at all thanks for reading :)

[Magenta]

The irony is that my dad is a police officer and I would never tell him. He would laugh at me. "Weren't these the friends who 'saved' your life who you were always so desperate to go see?"

Apparently they aren't now.

[judahtics]

you keep saying they saved your life. how did they save your life?

[Magenta]

you keep saying they saved your life. how did they save your life?

I was going to kill myself... I hinted it to the girl, I guess, and she ran to get the guy involved who phoned 911. I don't really know if I would have died that night if I kept trying hard enough but I don't really like to think about it.