am I gay or just scared from past abuse?

[kindofdepressed1]

I have dated guys before and am dating a guy. I think he's great and I love him. But I don't like touching so much. Like I'll kiss on the lips and if I'm with him long enough. I'll probably make out. Like I need to trust him. Or any boyfriend I have for that matter. Anyway I was sexually abused by an older women. She forced me to have sex and everytime like I have tried to look at a girl it just. I think of her. I remember when I was 14 I was forcing myself with this girl to like her. We were making out and she went too far and I like totally freaked out. I just couldn't it was too bad. It all felt bad anyway. I never let a girl put her hands on me. Never have done anything with one since. I was 12 and 13 and I crushed on only girls before I was sexually abused which was when I was 13. I thought of them as beautiful like a flower I hoped to be with someday. I wanted to date one at one point but she wasn't into me.. I don't see girls as that anymore only as her my abuser like an old witch. As something I fear deeply. I never fantasize about guys or girls nowadays. I don't think sexually of guys or girls really. I actually with guys try to get with ones that many people would find weird I like. It's not a physical attraction it's a lets be close friends type of thing. Lets love each other lets care for each lets become best of friends. And lets be affectionate but not sexually as much. I dated a guy 2 years and never wanted anything sexual. I just couldn't let him. I didn't want to feel as though I was just doing it for him. He actually broke up with me because he wanted sex and it really wasn't something I wanted. Something I couldn't give him. Sometimes I think that like the guy I like I love and to display affection. Emotionally I feel connected but physically I don't really. Sometimes I've like considered like more than just making out maybe. I'm fine with the thought but I couldn't really feel comfortable with him touching me privately or like oral sex. I don't really want to. I don't though really want to be sexual. I don't even masturbate myself or have really any sexual thoughts. It's hard to let anyone touch or touch him myself when I don't do those things myself. But I do have the desire for a dating relationship holding hands being in love. I like romantic relationships without the sex really and also I do have a thing like I guess what you could say a somewhat physical attraction for bigger guys just where it seems that's the type of guy I fall for. I can emotionally tolerate guys and their presence not the same with girls I really feel uncomfortable. I live in a house with 7 brothers and only a dad and no female friend haven't had any since 4rth grade. So I'm not close with any females. I'm wondering does it seem I'm gay or just traumatized? I'm 17 btw

[Maxxie]

You might have that trauma remaining somewhere in that mind of yours. I feel for you, mate. People should never have to endure that, ever.

But, refering to the question, you might be bi. Just the way you say it, like you're emotionally attracted to both guys and girls, that's basically the main qualifier for being bisexual. But if that's not you and you know it, don't take that label. As for the physical part, I don't know how to answer you. I think it'd be a good idea to pop into the abuse forum for a bit to get that off your chest. Maybe if you talk about it for awhile you'll be able to overcome it? I'm not sure. You can talk to me if you want, but I'll be operating on pure reason and not any concrete knowledge.
I know a thing or two about sexual confusion, though - so I'm free for that, definitely. :)

[Mr. Awesome]

First of all sorry to hear about what happened to you.

Now as for the post- I wouldnt put it done to just one reason but a collective of reasons leading to this situation.

From the sounds of it your past has led to you having trust issues with women, so you have turned to a male person that has shown u affection that you do not get from females, although you are still physically attracted to females but not mentally.

Obivously if you have feelings for this guy, it may just be a matter of time before you allow yourself to trust him to be physically involved with you, and if this guy has feelings for you he will understand your reasons and will wait for you to be ready.

Maybe you are gay, maybe your bi but make sure you only do what you want and dont fell pressusred into doing anything

[kindofdepressed1]

I don't really like girls emotionally anymore I have so many bad feelings from it it's hard to have good emotional feelings. Physically I feel quite numb after 4 years I still don't have much feeling either way. Before all this I liked girls physically and wanted to date them. Now I could never think of that just as friends would be a big step. I posted about the abuse not my sexuality. I actually figured out what I'm going to do. I am just waiting for the response. So that's figured out. I thought it was more fitting because it was about the actual sexuality.

[Dorsum Oppel]

You might just be asexual, which is okay too. You can still maintain a romantic relationship with a man though, which is called homoromanticism.

So, you're an asexual homoromantic. If that's what you like, there's no problem with that.

[judahtics]

sounds like trama from abuse. you should probably seek help through counseling to over the trama and have a more "normal" outlook on humanity.

[kindofdepressed1]

I'm going to tell maybe I'll go talk about it after that I guess.

[judahtics]

talking about abuse isn't easy. even if you're a guy, but it's worth it. i was molested really bad when i was younger. one of my foster moms actually cut my penis because i wasn't "preforming" well enough for her. through counseling and time, i'm doing much better.

[kindofdepressed1]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wasn't really thinking about talking about the abuse actually rather just counseling in general.

[kindofdepressed1]

You might just be asexual, which is okay too. You can still maintain a romantic relationship with a man though, which is called homoromanticism.

So, you're an asexual homoromantic. If that's what you like, there's no problem with that.

what's asexual?