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love is louder
August 9th, 2011, 07:46 AM
i have kind of figured out that i self harm now to kind of keep at a normal emotional level. like if i was getting stressed i do it or if i was upset i do it to bring myself back down

but im really struggling to find out why i started. i know i was about 11 when i started doing it regularly but that is all i can remember. i cant even remember my first time.

also my friend asked me why and how i started and i said i didnt know and she kinda had a big go at me over it saying "it must of been for attention or just for a stupid reason then"

all i want to know is can it be something in my personality that makes me act like this?
kacibaybay
August 9th, 2011, 10:11 AM
it doesn't matter how is started, thats not really the issue. the issue is that you're self harming NOW. I'm not sure why I started either, one day I just did it. I don't even remember really the very first time I tried it. that was three years ago. don't let people who don't understand make you question yourself. they haven't walked in your shoes so she has no room to judge.
Love.Hate
August 9th, 2011, 10:12 AM
Well at the age of 11 i highly doubt it was for attention. Your personality contributes to the type of person you are yes, so its possible. You may have just been highly sensitive or something at that age? i dont think you really know what else to turn too when your desparate, i know i didnt. If you hurt yourself it can never be for just a "stupid reason" its not stupid if it hurts or upsets you<3
love is louder
August 9th, 2011, 12:46 PM
Thanks guys. I just don't know what I'm supposed to tell her. Or my therapist for that matter. Iv tried saying I don't know and I can't remember but that's not good enough for either of them and its getting worse. Iv also had the "there's nothing wrong with your life" lecture and its really getting to me now. I don't know what they want to hear so I don't know what I'm suppose to tell them.
judahtics
August 9th, 2011, 12:48 PM
i hope you figure out why you started. once you do, i think you can heal from that and then have a better chance of overcoming your need and desire to cut. good luck.