Umm What the hell is wrong with me?

[Valkyrie]

I've been wanting to ask this question for a long time but havn't had the chance, so here it goes, WTF is wrong with me???

This question is related to my boredom problem. I usually can avoid this by drinking alcohol (obviously not pure alcohol), but when I can't i have some kind of panic attack and start trying to do somthing, anything.

I find something to do, for example reading, but after awhile i get bored of doing that aswell so i start doing doing stupid things like trying to drive my moms car, swear and hurt my bro (this is something I really want to stop), lighting things up with my dad's lighter (it's really old, thats why i like it), run out of the house to the beach not wearing appropiate clothes, Break stuff on purpose, Scream and harm many different people...
This is a serious problem so dont u dare laugh (my angry side also shows some of this).
I wanted to know if there is any diseases related to this. Please answer as i never said this before and it's kind of embarrassing.:whoops:
And please dont tell me to go to a psychologist as ive been to one already and they said i was fine or they just didn't know what could be done :mad:
But that was a long time ago...Umm What the hell is wrong with me?

[judahtics]

sounds like some form of impulse control problem. but for help you'd need a psych to write you a scipt.

[Valkyrie]

I'm not going to one ever again, the last one i met was a ********. Not happening lol

[judahtics]

ok that's your choice. if you were doing that where i live, you wouldn't have a choice. at this point, from what you are saying, you are a danger to society. once people realize this, school or police, you'll end up in a much worse place. again, that's your choice and a chance you can take.

[Valkyrie]

I cant be such of a danger to society. I do have a temporarily solution, i get drunk, tho thats not a very pretty sight...

[judahtics]

whatever, you obviously don't want help and only to complain and get attention, so have fun with that and good luck.

[DeadSpace]

It could be "Intermittent explosive disorder".
Still, we can't diagnose you.


whatever, you obviously don't want help and only to complain and get attention, so have fun with that and good luck.

I don't see any reason on why she would seek attention.
Why did she make the thread? Attention? I don't think she wants attention.
Probably wanted to hear other people's opinions.

[judahtics]

she needs help and refuses it. at that point, you only want attention and sympathy

[Valkyrie]

I dont need attetion or sympathy and as deadspace said i do want to hear other people opinions about this and to see if this happens to anyone else, i know eventually my parents will force me to go to a psychologist and i will await that day. Until then i will live my life at a good pace :D wow that sounds like someones quote lol

[Weeping]

I don't really know what it could be. And if it is some disorder I guess you'll have to see a psychologist to get medication, etc. if there is any. Though I'd try another one (if it's possible).

And try to keep yourself busy, even if it's hard. Read a book, draw, watch a movie, anything. Even if you don't do one thing for long, try doing something else.


she needs help and refuses it. at that point, you only want attention and sympathy

So let's say.. someone is deep down in some depression/cutting/whatever, but refuse to get help.. Is that attention-seeking? Probably not.

[Valkyrie]

I found out something recently, I think it's actually in my family. My grandpa had something simliar, i heard this from my mom and she said he was always doing something and thats why he knew so much about history and languages (14 languages and he home schools me). Also sometimes he gets mad for no reason or gets something like a panic attack and starts rumbling about uninportant crap in different languges, tho he also had many strokes and died around 3 times (he just keeps coming back lol). Anyways i guess i get this from him, mabye a disorder created over many different nationalities (i got like 9 different nationalities in my family).
Also i do draw and read so many books, is there a section about reading here?

[TrAnSMaN09]

she needs help and refuses it. at that point, you only want attention and sympathy

whatever, you obviously don't want help and only to complain and get attention, so have fun with that and good luck.

Your being such a jerk to her, isn't this site somewhere to come and be accepted no matter what?

Wel your just making fun of her because you don't understand her life, so you think she's refusing help, You don't no what happend with her last Therapist, So don't judge,

Im sick of people like you,

[judahtics]

Your being such a jerk to her, isn't this site somewhere to come and be accepted no matter what?

Wel your just making fun of her because you don't understand her life, so you think she's refusing help, You don't no what happend with her last Therapist, So don't judge,

Im sick of people like you,

don't care what happened with her last therapist. she wants to get better great! i'm all for it and i'm all for helping those seeking to actually get better. those who want to sit back and whine, well, that's whole different story and all to common to kids who have reason to be complaining about their lives.

[TrAnSMaN09]

don't care what happened with her last therapist. she wants to get better great! i'm all for it and i'm all for helping those seeking to actually get better. those who want to sit back and whine, well, that's whole different story and all to common to kids who have reason to be complaining about their lives.


She's not complaining about her life, She's trying to see if what she has is normal, If anyone else goes through it,

[judahtics]

i think she's smart enough to realize it's not normal. especially since she's been to a therapist in regards to it. come on, lets add it all up.

[Valkyrie]

I guess no one reads my comments anymore (lol i just started in this site), may i repeat that I do want to hear other people opinions about this and to see if this happens to anyone else, I know eventually my parents will force me to go to a psychologist and i will await that day. Clearly in this post i say that im going to go to a psychologist one day but i dont want to cause of my last few visists and that i want to know if there is anyone else with the same problem. Now if u cant read dont bother writing a comment...

EDIT: and where the hell do i complain about my life?

[judahtics]

being forced won't help you to heal. you need to be open to the help. i myself use to have really bad black out rage, which might be a form of what you are suffering from,but you need to be open to help, or the help is pointless.

[Valkyrie]

The thing is i dont always just go raging about crap and hurting people, that only happen four times. I usually just do stupid things, it's like i start dreaming and I only realised what I have done after I wake up which is kind of too late. Anyway i do want help, I just will wait until someone else thinks it's relly needed.

[judahtics]

yea, with black out rage, you don't know what you're doing until after it's done. i would beat someone to a bloody pulp and have no idea until i snapped outta it and my hands were all bloody. you almost become super human for a minute. if you are going through this though, you need to seek help, not wait until someone forces it. if you do something bad enough, you could end up in juvy hall or possible with a life sentence. black out rage, when not treated, gets worse, not better. one little trigger can be your demise.

[Valkyrie]

Sorry I was washing up some dishes.I'm sure its not that as my Grandpa had the same thing, and he surely didnt hurt anyone that badly ever.

EDIT: But it all feels like it never happen, like a bad dream.

[judahtics]

that's an extreme, it doesn't have to be that bad. it can be as simple as yelling and what not. i was just saying what could end up happening and you don't want that.

[Valkyrie]

I get what you mean, but i do various different things when this happens.

[judahtics]

typical of black out rage. there are a number of things it could be. it could even be some form of bi polar disorder or even a personality disorder. if it's either of those, you need to get help right away for your own well being and hope of a successful future. the sooner the better in this situation.

[Valkyrie]

But i still dont get something, what i have can't be that dangerous as my grandpa was able to control it (I think). Shame he dosen't remember how (lots of strokes created amnesia).

[judahtics]

everyone is different. you need help whether you want to admit it or not. the best thing you can do is push through the crap of not wanting to go and deal with it until you're forced. trust me, i get it. i didn't and don't like going to classes and groups to deal with autism, i hate ocd therapy with a passion, but deep down i know it's 100% worth it.

[Valkyrie]

I was just thinking there might be different way of dealing with it, but i think ur right anyway.

[judahtics]

you have to remember also, dealing with during puberty makes it worse because your hormones are going insane. so having someone to help you and walk along side you, who isn't your parent, is helpful. plus, it's confidential. which i like.

[Valkyrie]

Ah dont bring the confidental crap, thats something that gets on my nerves for some reason...

[judahtics]

you'll have to face up to it someday. might as well get used to it now. being closed minded to it isn't going to help you get better. what will help you, is being willing to put yourself out there no matter how hard it is.

[Valkyrie]

It isn't that bad tho, I know so many things, guess its kind of good in a way.

[judahtics]

guess so. in the end it's your choice. hope it all words out for you.

[xDarkAngelx]

So let's say.. someone is deep down in some depression/cutting/whatever, but refuse to get help.. Is that attention-seeking? Probably not.

Sounds how I am, suffering from depression and using self harm to cope with everything. But i'm definately not attention seeking. Back to topic.
I have no idea tbh what the problem is. Only thing I can suggest is try doing things that will distract you such as going to the cinema, drawing, anything.

[Valkyrie]

Going to the cinema today,haven't gone into my boredom mode since Sunday.
I also read alot, I'm reading the Dark Tower Series and this series is like HUGE. I also have study... I heard some people use fire to calm themselves down, scared i might go into mode and end up trying to burn my hand...

[louisgray]

Fire is not a good idea,when you get bored,go on photoshop,you look decent at it

[Valkyrie]

I eventually get bored of that, I do make other people signattures which does entertain for a bit.

[Weeping]

Also i do draw and read so many books, is there a section about reading here?

The Open Book (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=126) for books, there's also Artwork (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=125) for drawing.

:hug:

[Valkyrie]

Hey guys again, I went into the mode yesterday (or this morning) and i think i might know what it is, mabye a personality disorder. As I raged alot a friend (deadspace) on skype and when i reviewed my comments, they just weren't mine, for example one of them is my "cya later aligator" goodbyes, on there i said i hated that and some other things... Anyway it just didnt sound like me, I would never rage anyone or hurt their feelings. Also i didnt remember doing any of those things until i saw them and still i didnt think i did them.

[Bath]

If you think you have a personality disorder, without a doubt get help.
If you still deny help at this point, then I don't know what else to tell you.

[Valkyrie]

I can only go to a psychologist next year because there is none around here and im going back to darwin next year.

[Bath]

Therapist? Counselor? Trusted family or friends? There's always somebody. But you need to want to get help, you'll find a way. If you don't, your situation could get worse, whether it's a personality disorder or not. It sounds to me like you might have Borderline Personality Disorder, but like someone already said, we can't diagnose you.

[Valkyrie]

Umm... I dont think so, anyway I cant go anywhere cause im on holidays in my beach house all alone. The thing is when im like in the mode, I kind of dont care about anything, I just do it even if there is bad consequences. I also know im doing and I find fun in doing it (I sound like a sociopath lol). These things might be... for example i think it was 3 months ago i broke into my neighboors house without breaking a window, i stole all of their forks and knifes and I put them in their pool, Why the hell would i fo something like that? that doesnt even make any sence.
Tho for some reason i think im getting better, my mom told me i was like a little genius when i was a babby, also that I used to stare at this brick wall for days, sometimes throw toys at it. Wait that dosnt have anything to do with this. Im such a weirdo... Im going to make some blog entries later...