people who have ED'S- do you want to recover?

[kacibaybay]

somedays I'm fully on the recovery track and I wanna just get rid of this thing, but most days (like today) I just can't because I have a fear of getting fat. and it's just so damn hard. what about you? how do you feel about recovery?

[judahtics]

it's worth the fight to get better and not settle for a half ass life. living with a fightable, manageable condition is a poor excuse for a life.

[Amaryllis]

Skinny does not equate to happiness. You cannot live with an ED and live a life. It's either death or recovery. What's the point in being skinny if it means you will lose everything you love? People love me more than they did when I was a walking corpse. Nothing good can come of an eating disorder.

I want to be free.

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

I want it,but the fear of gaining weight,becoming even more ugly,and loosing control,keeps me at the side lines dreaming of "What ifs"

[ShadowGirl]

I'm recovering from anorexia (I'm up to a healthy weight but it's still hard for me to eat). It took forever to gain the weight back, but it was worth it. Even now I have a hard time believing people when they say I'm skinny or beautiful. I know what it's like to be 80 pounds and still feel fat. You just have to trust the doctors because they know what they are doing. Good luck with your recovery!

[Nevermore]

No, I love my ED, and I'd rather die then recover as horrible as that sounds... I just can't imgine my life without it. It's scary. I used to want to recover, however things have changed.

[ShatteredWings]

day-to-day Im torn about how i feel about it.
most of the time anymore i do want to be a normal person (re:food,anyway)

[xdancing_for_rainx]

In some ways, I want to recover. I don't want to be so focused on calories, fat, etc, so I can actually enjoy a meal. On the other hand... I still want to lose weight. I want to be thinner, and a lot of times the only rational-sounding (though it's irrational..) way seems to be keeping up with an ED.

So I guess I'm torn about recovering or not. I'm going back and forth a bit.

[Syvelocin]

I see recovery as a good thing, something to achieve, and that's the face I give to other people, to friends, to people on this forum. I'm quite hypocritical that way, because though that's how I want people to feel on VT, I should be caring more about my ED than I do. I'm better, but I don't make as big of a deal out of it as I probably should be. It isn't on my list of priorities.

Hitting 100 pounds though scares the shit out of me, and my doctor wants me above that eventually.

[mcsmate]

Yeah, sometimes I want to recover. Like right now I know that my eating habits are bad and want to get back to normal. But earlier today I was so set on not eating tomorrow at all, and if so, only eating less than 300 calories. But then I ate more today that I should have, or felt I should have, and realized I'm obsessing over it too much. I am not diagnosed with anything in particular, though what I have would be considered EDNOS, but I have had this disordered eating for over a month and a half. I know it is getting to my mental and emotional health, and it won't be too long until it gets to my physical health. But right now it is a back and forth. Sometimes I want to recover and other times I don't. Currently I do, but that may change come tomorrow or the next day. I know it is always a struggle, but one I am willing to brave through, no matter the ups and downs. It all sucks but this is something I don't think others should get themselves into. It just takes away their time and their life.

Also, I have my other two brothers who I want and need to get better for. All they want is to see me healthy and happy. Right now, I do not have the courage, bravery, or strength to do it for myself yet. So this is all for them for now.

[FuzzyLittleNightmare]

Sometimes I want to get better...but only because I don't want people pressuring me all the time about it and I want to feel healthier and less tired...

But at the same time, I am scared of losing my control. I feel as though that is the only thing I have control over and I will be totally overwhelmed without it. I also really do not want to get fat... I want to be slim and desirable and pretty...

[Lethe]

I don't necessarily have an ED, but...I'd rather be skinny and die than be myself and be alive. So I suppose I wouldn't want to get "better", because being skinny already is better. I don't want to go back to what I am. What I am sucks.

[Fiction]

I feel exactly the same as you. I know recovery means putting on weight and that scares thr hell out of me. I guess i know though that i wpn't be happy if i lose weight, i will only be happy if i recover. I can't carry on losing weight forever and whatever i think about myself, however hard i believe the contrary, is wrong. Losing weight isn't self improvement, recovery is.

[screamtobeheard]

I don't formally have an ed. However, I'd never want to start eating normally again. Every once and again I want to "recover" because I wish I could eat normal amounts of food like everyone else. But those feelings pass incredibly quickly because I go back to hating myself and wanting to become less and less.