anon1992
August 5th, 2011, 11:45 PM
yea, tomorow is gonna suck. I started the summer semeseter of college 6 weeks ago (btw im a freshman, 18 years old, my name is michael , i am a guy).
well, i really screwed up. you may be thinking , "oh yea, you got a bad grade". well i wish that the only thing i screwed up was grades, but i messed up much more than that.
i got into this crazy sleep/wake cycle somewhere in the middle of the semester, 3 weeks ago (its a 6 week summer semester). id stay up all night long for 3 nights in a row, crash , then repeat. other bad habits formed such as not eating for excessively long time periods (no appetite) , id stay in my dorm all day long (social isolation), i became lazy about work (since i stayed up all night i could say "ill do my work later tonight", then the sun would rise.). id also do the same thing with food, promise myself 5000 calories that night, then say to myself id eat later that night, then id not eat, and id do this for days, ending up only eating 500 calories or so a day (im not anorexic, in fact i wanna gain weight). i went from the already skinny male weight of 120-123 lbs to 108-110 lbs. and my parents think a B would be a low grade, but still acceptable since its my first semester, yet I am going to get a D , i havent told them that yet. its a D in my best subject. my whole family respects me for knowing math, etc and expects me to get an A , not a D. they will be pissed.
my weight is so low that they and my doctor may discontinue my med. i lost a little bit of weight a the end of 2009, and when my doc checked me in 2010, he didnt want me on adderall anymore, but gave me time to gain weight, and the last time he weighed me i was 126 (real weight is 120 , i drank tons of water before i went), and he seems to be relaxing about my weight finally after ONE YEAR OF WEIGHT GAIN. I SPENT A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR TRYING TO PUT ON THAT WEIGHT, ALL MY EFFORT. I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO STAY ON ADDERALL SO MUCH AND I GOT THAT WEIGHT ON WITHIN A YEAR. PLEASE DO NOT RECOMMEND ANOTHER MED AS ADVICE ( ITS A LONG STORY, BUT NO , DONT RECOMMEND OTHER MEDS) ,I FUCKING LOST A TON OF WEIGHT. ALL THAT I SPENT SO MUCH EFFORT TO GAIN AND MORE!
parents are gonna freak out tomorow. they told me "we are going to make sure you have been eating, like if we go pick you up and are like 117 then we know that you arent eating and ur meds hurt your appetite", i wish i was 117, im 108-110 now. the doc measured me at 126 just one week before i came to college. and once they find out that i got like a low F (in the 10-30 percent range) on the last exam of my favorite subject , and that i failed most of my math exams and didnt do all my homework. and some other issues , they are gonna think im doing drugs again and probably drug test me. which will suck , because i have weed in my system. and adding weed to this set of issues would be enough to make it so my parents dont send me back for the fall. another issue: i went through a ton of money, and i wasted half of it on food that i waited too long to eat.
in fact i dont think ill be allowed back in the fall anyways. and you cant just say "your 18 , your an adult, pay for it yourself" , cause on the FASFA thing, they dont recognize u as financially independent until age 24, so because my parents are rich, id have to pay for the entire college myself and with NO aid at all.
please dont say "just tell your doc , and ask about it", cause if i do that, he'd get nervous and change treatment. thats the dumbest idea ever. dont even advise me on the adderall thing, there is one major detail about how i think of adderall that i am leaving out (its a problem in itself) that makes it not quite as simple as say , complaining to a doc about say an antibiotic, and saying "can we try an alternative".
so what do you think is gonna happen. lost weight, got a D (couldnt even balance 2 classes), parents already know i sleep all day long , they already suspect that im doing coke(im not , cocaine is too expensive for the amount of time it gets you high), look unkempt , etc. also, they are the type of parents who worries a lot and would easily be able to see through thngs like "its fine"
oh and also : a D could kill my chances of getting into MIT for grad school. i just screwed up my chances at MIT as well. fml
well, i really screwed up. you may be thinking , "oh yea, you got a bad grade". well i wish that the only thing i screwed up was grades, but i messed up much more than that.
i got into this crazy sleep/wake cycle somewhere in the middle of the semester, 3 weeks ago (its a 6 week summer semester). id stay up all night long for 3 nights in a row, crash , then repeat. other bad habits formed such as not eating for excessively long time periods (no appetite) , id stay in my dorm all day long (social isolation), i became lazy about work (since i stayed up all night i could say "ill do my work later tonight", then the sun would rise.). id also do the same thing with food, promise myself 5000 calories that night, then say to myself id eat later that night, then id not eat, and id do this for days, ending up only eating 500 calories or so a day (im not anorexic, in fact i wanna gain weight). i went from the already skinny male weight of 120-123 lbs to 108-110 lbs. and my parents think a B would be a low grade, but still acceptable since its my first semester, yet I am going to get a D , i havent told them that yet. its a D in my best subject. my whole family respects me for knowing math, etc and expects me to get an A , not a D. they will be pissed.
my weight is so low that they and my doctor may discontinue my med. i lost a little bit of weight a the end of 2009, and when my doc checked me in 2010, he didnt want me on adderall anymore, but gave me time to gain weight, and the last time he weighed me i was 126 (real weight is 120 , i drank tons of water before i went), and he seems to be relaxing about my weight finally after ONE YEAR OF WEIGHT GAIN. I SPENT A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR TRYING TO PUT ON THAT WEIGHT, ALL MY EFFORT. I WANTED TO BE ABLE TO STAY ON ADDERALL SO MUCH AND I GOT THAT WEIGHT ON WITHIN A YEAR. PLEASE DO NOT RECOMMEND ANOTHER MED AS ADVICE ( ITS A LONG STORY, BUT NO , DONT RECOMMEND OTHER MEDS) ,I FUCKING LOST A TON OF WEIGHT. ALL THAT I SPENT SO MUCH EFFORT TO GAIN AND MORE!
parents are gonna freak out tomorow. they told me "we are going to make sure you have been eating, like if we go pick you up and are like 117 then we know that you arent eating and ur meds hurt your appetite", i wish i was 117, im 108-110 now. the doc measured me at 126 just one week before i came to college. and once they find out that i got like a low F (in the 10-30 percent range) on the last exam of my favorite subject , and that i failed most of my math exams and didnt do all my homework. and some other issues , they are gonna think im doing drugs again and probably drug test me. which will suck , because i have weed in my system. and adding weed to this set of issues would be enough to make it so my parents dont send me back for the fall. another issue: i went through a ton of money, and i wasted half of it on food that i waited too long to eat.
in fact i dont think ill be allowed back in the fall anyways. and you cant just say "your 18 , your an adult, pay for it yourself" , cause on the FASFA thing, they dont recognize u as financially independent until age 24, so because my parents are rich, id have to pay for the entire college myself and with NO aid at all.
please dont say "just tell your doc , and ask about it", cause if i do that, he'd get nervous and change treatment. thats the dumbest idea ever. dont even advise me on the adderall thing, there is one major detail about how i think of adderall that i am leaving out (its a problem in itself) that makes it not quite as simple as say , complaining to a doc about say an antibiotic, and saying "can we try an alternative".
so what do you think is gonna happen. lost weight, got a D (couldnt even balance 2 classes), parents already know i sleep all day long , they already suspect that im doing coke(im not , cocaine is too expensive for the amount of time it gets you high), look unkempt , etc. also, they are the type of parents who worries a lot and would easily be able to see through thngs like "its fine"
oh and also : a D could kill my chances of getting into MIT for grad school. i just screwed up my chances at MIT as well. fml