How should i turn down a relationship request from her?

[Kujiro]

It was only yesterday it happened, and i am quite afraid actually.
For starters i am attached to a guy, i would say it is an open secret, where most people whom are of my inner circle knows what going on between us.
But 6 months ago he was involved in some medicial issues and was hospitalised.

So along this 6 months i was pretty down, so i supposed i hang out with this girl pretty much, nothing sexual.
She does know that i am attached, Hence we spent long hours together just bascially hanging out, at food joints, the mall..
I did not really want to spend too much time at home worrying.

This lasted for about 4 months, but i never took her as a subsitute, i just wanted someone to be there, and not let my mind brood over things i have not much control over.

It was all fine untill, she asked me, in a really serious tone.
Would you want to be my boyfriend..?

I am totally at a lost of words, i do not know how to reject her, but in my own i cant accept her either.
My mate recently woke up from his comatose state after surgery, i have been busy dropping by to visit him the past weeks. Pretty much i did not pick up some of her calls, or text..

Now she thinks im avoiding her and stuff, i dont wanna lose her as a friend, but i dont wanna go into a relationship with her either.

How do i turn her down?

[Angel Androgynous]

Explain to her about your attachment to the guy. I think she might feel a little led on, but that isn't your fault, you wanted a friend to be there. Explain that you like some one else, so this relationship won't work out, and that you would like to stay friends.

[high-school108]

look maybe you should try to date her and see how you like girls

[Kujiro]

Explain to her about your attachment to the guy. I think she might feel a little led on, but that isn't your fault, you wanted a friend to be there. Explain that you like some one else, so this relationship won't work out, and that you would like to stay friends.

I would if i could, over in my country, people are not so opened minded over such relationships especially at our age.
I am not afraid to be labled, but neither do i wanna incurr a lady's wrath.
i agree i should ask her if to stay as friends.
But in a lady's point of view, would they beable to take it in a classy and calm manner?

look maybe you should try to date her and see how you like girls
I feel that would be totally unfaithful if im to do that now.
As its not that i am single.

[Angel Androgynous]

I think that yeah, she'll be able to get over it. ^_^ I never actually faced rejection because I never asked someone out, but I've seen girls just get over it. ^_^ Just say that you have feelings for someone else, you don't have to mention the gender. C:

[Kujiro]

Ill give it a try, hope it would be all ok.
This is kindna harder then a tongue twister.

[Angel Androgynous]

It'll be okay, best of luck! ^_^

[Kujiro]

Guess it did not turn out too well..
She pretty much gave me the stare, those which pierce your soul and see right through you.
Now it's her turn to ignore me.
:( what did I do wrong

[Angel Androgynous]

Oh wow, I am so sorry. D:

You know, we never lose friends, we just learn who the true ones are. I mean, I understand that she can be hurt, but that's no reason to ignore you. :c

[Kujiro]

Oh wow, I am so sorry. D:

You know, we never lose friends, we just learn who the true ones are. I mean, I understand that she can be hurt, but that's no reason to ignore you. :c

It's ok, I don't blame anyone but myself, maybe I was a little insensitive in her perspective. I'm glad you told me to speak it up, else it will always be an open ended puzzle.

"Hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned"

[Solvez18]

give her some time, i bet shes just embarrased

[Hopegirl]

I think she might just need time..she probbaly really liked you and might feel a bit led on :/ How are you certain of your sexuality though at such a young age ? ( im not saying your wrong i just wonder:) )

[Kujiro]

I think she might just need time..she probbaly really liked you and might feel a bit led on :/ How are you certain of your sexuality though at such a young age ? ( im not saying your wrong i just wonder:) )

You are the first to question my assurance other than myself. :)
I believe its a feeling, to me when you love someone the boundaries of gender, age should not be taken into consideration.

I would openly admit that im in a relationship with a guy, and its not really a sexual relationship.

To the both of us, sex is just a dessert with a cherry on top, rather than a main course in the relationship.
The time spent, of sharing, respect, and understanding of a guy whom reciprocate the intention is enough for me to deduce where am i now, which in my point of view is good enough.

I would definately doubt my sexuality, if it was a totally sexual relationship.
but in my case, its alittle different.

Yep, i believe she was a little led on, i would reference my blog,
viva nostalgia, sinfully yours, spinning the threads of fate and hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned.

These few chapters may give u a better picture.

[Hopegirl]

I didnt mean any offence btw i just wondered...cuz sometimes people go through stages of being curious ect..:) Its good that you know who you are at such a young age..i think many people are unsure of who they really are. not only sexuality wise but just the person they are..so im haappy for you :)

[Kujiro]

I didnt mean any offence btw i just wondered...cuz sometimes people go through stages of being curious ect..:) Its good that you know who you are at such a young age..i think many people are unsure of who they really are. not only sexuality wise but just the person they are..so im haappy for you :)

No offence taken :), its cool.
Im happy that ya ask, too.
Yea many are still unsure but its common to be unsure at this age . My mindset may change too, give and take a few years.

[xktx]

dont lead her on, it will hurt her even more. Which I guess youve already worked out as your asking for ways to say no. But just explain to her that you needed a friend, and she has been the greatest of friends and shes helped you more than she knows.. or something like that, then tell her about the guy, she may seem a little shocked or offended, or may quieten down for a while, but Im sure she'll eventually understand. x

[Kujiro]

dont lead her on, it will hurt her even more. Which I guess youve already worked out as your asking for ways to say no. But just explain to her that you needed a friend, and she has been the greatest of friends and shes helped you more than she knows.. or something like that, then tell her about the guy, she may seem a little shocked or offended, or may quieten down for a while, but Im sure she'll eventually understand. x

There was no intention to lead her on from the beginning, not that im trying to push the blame or something, but she kindna assumed alittle too much? or was i alittle to insensitive..

[WoShiDavid95]

Social stigma of not being straight aside...

Why not just accept her? I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend at all... is it because you are attached to him, as in the homosexual way...? If that's the case, it's pretty complicated... I would say that you should let her down gently, she should understand, otherwise she was never a real friend to begin with.

[Kujiro]

Social stigma of not being straight aside...

Why not just accept her? I wouldn't mind having a girlfriend at all... is it because you are attached to him, as in the homosexual way...? If that's the case, it's pretty complicated... I would say that you should let her down gently, she should understand, otherwise she was never a real friend to begin with.

Yes in the homosexual way, but don't look at it in a too sexual way.
Guess its a backlash for her, hope she settle down and it will be alright.
This has caused sleepless nights

[Spock]

just say no

[Vegito]

wow... like no1 had posted yesterday, wish I had posted earlier, but here I go.

Just FYI, B you start reading, I have never really been in love like you have, but I do have my crushes, haven't dated yet, but I am 13, almost 14, so I might be thinking along your pattern of thought, and no offense, but you sorta seem nerdy... in a good way, I'm nerdy too lol. Now that she is mad at you, you need to confront here, not via phone or computer, face to face. THIS EXCLUDES VIDEO CHATTING TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once you Finlay get her, say in a steady but compassionate voice: I'm sorry if you believed I led you on, I really am. take a brief break, see Wat happens. If she tries to leave, try to keep her there. Then say: I'm extremely sorry, but I just dont like you like that. Tour an amazing friend, but the person who I was dating before his accident just got out of the ER (or w/e he was in) I'm just not ready for another relationship right now. I really hope you understand. I want to be your friend, but currently, I'm still processing my emotions over the person i like/love. Then wait a little bit, if nothing happens, ask if she accepts your apology. If she says yes, she is a true friend, if she says no, or maybe, or anything of the sort, give her a little while, 1 day, even a week, maybe 2 to process HER emotions. Then confront her again and she what she says. If at this point she says yes, great! If not, she might still be thinking, or she just isn't a good friend. Sorry to end it on such a down note.

[Kujiro]

wow... like no1 had posted yesterday, wish I had posted earlier, but here I go.

Just FYI, B you start reading, I have never really been in love like you have, but I do have my crushes, haven't dated yet, but I am 13, almost 14, so I might be thinking along your pattern of thought, and no offense, but you sorta seem nerdy... in a good way, I'm nerdy too lol. Now that she is mad at you, you need to confront here, not via phone or computer, face to face. THIS EXCLUDES VIDEO CHATTING TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once you Finlay get her, say in a steady but compassionate voice: I'm sorry if you believed I led you on, I really am. take a brief break, see Wat happens. If she tries to leave, try to keep her there. Then say: I'm extremely sorry, but I just dont like you like that. Tour an amazing friend, but the person who I was dating before his accident just got out of the ER (or w/e he was in) I'm just not ready for another relationship right now. I really hope you understand. I want to be your friend, but currently, I'm still processing my emotions over the person i like/love. Then wait a little bit, if nothing happens, ask if she accepts your apology. If she says yes, she is a true friend, if she says no, or maybe, or anything of the sort, give her a little while, 1 day, even a week, maybe 2 to process HER emotions. Then confront her again and she what she says. If at this point she says yes, great! If not, she might still be thinking, or she just isn't a good friend. Sorry to end it on such a down note.

I'd take it she needs time to cool off for now, after the cooling period she should be alright.
Thats what i gained from knowing her, but i never expected it to be in my position.

When things are not meant to be, then it would not be meant to be.
Like a few of the other very good advise, if she was not that accepting, she was not meant to be a friend from the start.

[Vegito]

well, i wish you the best, come back and inform us on whats happening.

[Das1233]

She must have really liked u... So how are things going now?

[Kujiro]

Things in school are getting cold between the both of us.
Ive tried to strike common conversations like, having lunch together or drinks, but she would just say words like "nah", "no thank you", "i have things on later".
The closest conversation was, "Can i borrow your homework from yesterday?", but darn i did not do my too.

Its kindna obvious she is just lying to shrug it off, and avoiding it.
But at least she is decent to keep my stuff to herself.

My days have been alot quieter now, have been floating around duing breaks, playing ball or just doing something to get my mind off everything.

But at least she tried to approach me once.
Maybe i should do my work, in hopes she asks for them again.

*ponders*

[Das1233]

Things in school are getting cold between the both of us.
Ive tried to strike common conversations like, having lunch together or drinks, but she would just say words like "nah", "no thank you", "i have things on later".
The closest conversation was, "Can i borrow your homework from yesterday?", but darn i did not do my too.

Its kindna obvious she is just lying to shrug it off, and avoiding it.
But at least she is decent to keep my stuff to herself.

My days have been alot quieter now, have been floating around duing breaks, playing ball or just doing something to get my mind off everything.

But at least she tried to approach me once.
Maybe i should do my work, in hopes she asks for them again.

*ponders*

She might find it weird now but she'll gradually be able to accept it in the future.. Don't worry to much about it!!

[Roach]

I'd just say to her that you wanna just stay friends and u don't like her like that

[Vegito]

well, im sorry she is giving you the cold shoulder, but if she was a friend at all, she will accept it. also, how are things going with your boyfriend, you said he is our of the hosital right?

[Timmy93]

Just say to her you see her as a good friend and a relationship might ruin what you guys have

[Kujiro]

@Timmy, thanks, but thats what i mentioned to her, but it does not result to the ideal reaction.

@vegito, Its the weekends now, at least she texted me to apologise, so did i, but the conversation was short. Its a start i'd suppose.