thegirl
July 30th, 2011, 03:32 PM
Okay, I just felt like posting the story of how I met my boyfriend, I just need to get it out of my system.
About 18 months ago, I was on a bus to visit my friend who lives a couple of hours away. The bus stopped to pick up more travellers, and this guy walks up to me, because the only free seet is next to me. He sits down and introduces himself as Caleb.
I'm immediately fascinated by the way he acts, people don't usually introduce themselves to someone sitting next to them on a bus.
He's a few years older than me, looks like it anyways, messy-brown hair, and wears sunglasses. He's very friendly, and looks very artistic.
We sit and talk for a while, and he takes out a book, a "W.B Yeats Poem Collection" He explains that he likes his poetry, and that he reads a lot, and shows me his bag, filled with books.
As he talks, I keep thinking how new he is, original, like no one I've even heard of. The bus stopped and he had to go, I said bye and smiled, and he just said "See you later!," took his bag and left. I didn't give much thought to it, but smiled after meeting this really cool person. He talked to me as if he knew me. I guess he did.
I'm often fascinated by people, and I just couldn't stop thinking about him, it was weird.
Some weeks later, I was back where my friend lives, and we were at a birthday party to another friend of mine. There was a crazy bunch of people there, from the age of 15-18. The house was huge, and filled with people.
Because of my anxiety, I felt like I was suffocating in the crowd of people who were drinking, making out, dancing, and smoking.
I took my camera with me and went outside and sat on the massive lawn.
I felt like I was high and willing to do anything. I wanted to run, not because I was scared, but I just felt like it, I often get that feeling, and when I do whatever random acts my mind comes up with, it's almost like a rush. I had had a horrible couple of weeks before this, and had scars to prove it. It felt great to get out of that hell of a house. It's almost a freedom feeling, my depression and anxiety decreases when I get away from home. Then I'm not constantly scared my mother will come running up the stairs, screaming.
Someone comes and sits next to me. I didn't bother to see who it was, drunk guys had tried to hit on me all night.
I felt the person staring at me, and I told myself to not punch the drunk guy in the face. "You have really nice eyes.." I hear the guy say slowly. I turned to my left and recognized Caleb, aka. the good looking guy I met on a bus three weeks ago, and can't stop thinking about.
He smiles and stares right into my eyes. I think it's something he does in an attempt to make people feel uncomfertable. It doesn't work on me though.
A rush came through me, and I asked if he'd like to come run with me. He was up for it, so we just ran, while laughing hysterically.
It was the first time I had done something like that with anyone but myself. I'm not always myself around others, because I end up doing stupid $#%^ alone anyways. But I felt safe around this, spontaneous, cool guy.
Cliche it is, but it was sort of an opifony to me. A whole new world was opened, I was myself. I could say what I wanted to, no strict lines or anything stopping me. No fear of being rejected or anyone telling me how stupid the things I say are, and how reckless my actions are.
Best feeling I have ever felt.
In the morning, I woke up inside the house, and I took my bag to go home. I looked inside the bag to find my phone, and the book, "W.B Yeats Poem Collection" was there. I took it, and looked inside it. On the first page he had written something, and said he wanted me to have the book.
I was stunned by how my friends talked about Caleb. They didn't want me to have anything to do with him. Apparently, he was sick.
Bipolar, anxiety, and God knows what.
It reminded me of what a life I'm living, a double life. So emotionally dysfunctional, I can't even tell my friends I'm sick. Then I realized, Caleb was the only person in the world, I hadn't lied to. Only person. I haven't even been honest to my therapist. I also realized, I'm not sick. If I'm allowed to be myself I feel great, I can live. But not when people around me think of me as sick, and not..okay. I'm not normal, but I don't want to be! I don't want a normal life, if I can be myself, then I'm satisfied.
I needed to be with Caleb, because I felt like he figured me out from the start.
According to others, he's the worst thing that ever happened to me, but the fact is, he's the best.
He is the only one I can tell things to, who doesn't react in a unwanted way. If I tell him I want to commit suicide, he doesn't scream at me and call 911, because he knows how it's like. And in a way, I think he agrees.
About 18 months ago, I was on a bus to visit my friend who lives a couple of hours away. The bus stopped to pick up more travellers, and this guy walks up to me, because the only free seet is next to me. He sits down and introduces himself as Caleb.
I'm immediately fascinated by the way he acts, people don't usually introduce themselves to someone sitting next to them on a bus.
He's a few years older than me, looks like it anyways, messy-brown hair, and wears sunglasses. He's very friendly, and looks very artistic.
We sit and talk for a while, and he takes out a book, a "W.B Yeats Poem Collection" He explains that he likes his poetry, and that he reads a lot, and shows me his bag, filled with books.
As he talks, I keep thinking how new he is, original, like no one I've even heard of. The bus stopped and he had to go, I said bye and smiled, and he just said "See you later!," took his bag and left. I didn't give much thought to it, but smiled after meeting this really cool person. He talked to me as if he knew me. I guess he did.
I'm often fascinated by people, and I just couldn't stop thinking about him, it was weird.
Some weeks later, I was back where my friend lives, and we were at a birthday party to another friend of mine. There was a crazy bunch of people there, from the age of 15-18. The house was huge, and filled with people.
Because of my anxiety, I felt like I was suffocating in the crowd of people who were drinking, making out, dancing, and smoking.
I took my camera with me and went outside and sat on the massive lawn.
I felt like I was high and willing to do anything. I wanted to run, not because I was scared, but I just felt like it, I often get that feeling, and when I do whatever random acts my mind comes up with, it's almost like a rush. I had had a horrible couple of weeks before this, and had scars to prove it. It felt great to get out of that hell of a house. It's almost a freedom feeling, my depression and anxiety decreases when I get away from home. Then I'm not constantly scared my mother will come running up the stairs, screaming.
Someone comes and sits next to me. I didn't bother to see who it was, drunk guys had tried to hit on me all night.
I felt the person staring at me, and I told myself to not punch the drunk guy in the face. "You have really nice eyes.." I hear the guy say slowly. I turned to my left and recognized Caleb, aka. the good looking guy I met on a bus three weeks ago, and can't stop thinking about.
He smiles and stares right into my eyes. I think it's something he does in an attempt to make people feel uncomfertable. It doesn't work on me though.
A rush came through me, and I asked if he'd like to come run with me. He was up for it, so we just ran, while laughing hysterically.
It was the first time I had done something like that with anyone but myself. I'm not always myself around others, because I end up doing stupid $#%^ alone anyways. But I felt safe around this, spontaneous, cool guy.
Cliche it is, but it was sort of an opifony to me. A whole new world was opened, I was myself. I could say what I wanted to, no strict lines or anything stopping me. No fear of being rejected or anyone telling me how stupid the things I say are, and how reckless my actions are.
Best feeling I have ever felt.
In the morning, I woke up inside the house, and I took my bag to go home. I looked inside the bag to find my phone, and the book, "W.B Yeats Poem Collection" was there. I took it, and looked inside it. On the first page he had written something, and said he wanted me to have the book.
I was stunned by how my friends talked about Caleb. They didn't want me to have anything to do with him. Apparently, he was sick.
Bipolar, anxiety, and God knows what.
It reminded me of what a life I'm living, a double life. So emotionally dysfunctional, I can't even tell my friends I'm sick. Then I realized, Caleb was the only person in the world, I hadn't lied to. Only person. I haven't even been honest to my therapist. I also realized, I'm not sick. If I'm allowed to be myself I feel great, I can live. But not when people around me think of me as sick, and not..okay. I'm not normal, but I don't want to be! I don't want a normal life, if I can be myself, then I'm satisfied.
I needed to be with Caleb, because I felt like he figured me out from the start.
According to others, he's the worst thing that ever happened to me, but the fact is, he's the best.
He is the only one I can tell things to, who doesn't react in a unwanted way. If I tell him I want to commit suicide, he doesn't scream at me and call 911, because he knows how it's like. And in a way, I think he agrees.