Sexually Confused Looking For Help

[EastsideStoner]

Alright well first off glad I found this site, too bad it's too late would have loved to been a member of this way back in the day. This is going to be a long one hopefully someone will stick with this and can talk to them.

So little background info on me. I'm 19 never really got involved with any girls to the point of having a girlfriend. Talked with a bunch but usually found myself in the friend zone. Not an ugly guy or anything but still have acne and on the skinny side. Personality wise I'm usually the clown of my group of friends I always make my friends laugh and usually the center of attention when I'm with them. Always found myself as straight but I get weird urges I'll explain.

So yeah I would consider myself straight, but got a secret. I am super into transsexuals. I watch a lot of porn probably as much as any other teenage guy. But I find transsexuals so sexually attracting. I go through these phases where I will only look at tranny porn and not regular porn. I feel that transsexuals just completely monopolize what I find sexually attracting and I don't look at real genetic girls the same way. And this throws me off, because I really want to be with a girl finally actually have a girlfriend, and actually have sex yes I'm still a virgin. But like an addiction I always go back to trannys. There constantly on my mind. Sometimes right after I pleasure myself to them I feel guilty and wish I could stop but before I finish I feel so great.

I have been real into it. I do anal play from time to time. I fantasize about every part of it. Being the top and even being the bottom sometimes and being a total sissy all made up and everything. I even stole a pair of my friend's mom's panties and have been wearing them. I think this makes me somewhat gay so I guess I'm bi-curious idk. The thing that makes me feel weird is that I don't know how I would really have a sexual experience with a transsexual, like how would I meet one? It's hard because I have to keep it a secret not something I can be open to with my friends. I'm still living with my parents and I really don't do a lot of stuff by myself I'm always with one of my friends. So I think that's why I feel guilty about it, because I can't see a real life transsexual experience happening but a relationship with a real girl seems way more possible.

So I came hear so maybe I could actually talk to someone abut it. See if someone is maybe going through the same thing, so anyone who actually read it let's talk what's your opinion on everything?

[Upintheair]

well i dont have the same problem, im a straight female but i can give you some advice? so from what im hearing, it sounds like you probably are bisexual. Its natural to go through phases of curiosity but if you are often going back to the fantasies of the trans and thinking about it alot, its very possible (and likely) that you are bi. But, you really should experience with women. It is possible that your just sexually frusterated and your resorting to a fantasy that you know wont work out? But since your a virgin, you should try things out with a woman first. Experience what a woman can offer and its possible your trans fantasies will go away. But, if they are still there, then you should try experimenting with trans people. Going to a gay club/bar is probably your best bet for finding them. I hope this helped and good luck!

[EastsideStoner]

Thank you very much it's so great to finally talk to people about this. Yeah I'm almost positive that I'm bi-sexual. I'm glad you brought up the phase I think about that sometimes maybe I might just grow out of it. Only way I will find out though is if I get with a woman first. It's easier said than done, but going to start classes again for my 2nd year at college hopefully I meet a girl. Thanks again :)

[Upintheair]

no problem! I hope it goes well for you :)

[Kujiro]

It could be due to the persistent failure which caused you to feel so inconfident about yourself,
I would not doubt your sexuality if i were you.
Currently you are leaving the "recognized" curious level, but in my opinion, there is no age limit to curiousity.

Being turned on by transexuals, its a preference, and i personally think it has nothing got to do with sexuality, its just a preference in being turned on.

Being bisexual or homosexual is not just about sexual desire, but it involves emotional factors as well.

As you have mentioned you are emotionally attracted to females, im sure you are straight, but with a different sexual preference.

It is very normal, but i too understand it is something not eazy to share among friends, as most are being too stereotypical.

Give yourself a little while more to understand , getting attached and romantically involed is not an eazy task be it either genders, it brings about patience and nurturing, along with a little luck.

Some people meet their mates early in their lives, some generally later.
But i always believe, there is someone for everyone.
Good luck
*Pats your back*
Cheers.

[EastsideStoner]

Thanks man means a lot.